Solitary Bamboo

7th October 2011 Melt!

2011-10-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

if i were to say I'm very busy recently i would be lying,
if i were to say I'm damn free its also another lie bah~
its been kinda tiring for me lately, was busy with the long report which requires my groups to write about 2k words de report. The training that i have with Edwin to prepare ourselves for the 21km run this 15th October and the Business team for our event..
ain't a walk in a park huh? what to i expect wei~ if it was that easy then this world would start to lose its colors~

The 21km run I'm really looking forward to it! its another journey to conquer myself,
it really isn't much of a achievement compared to other, i realize how pathetic i am for all my achievement in the past are like filthy rags compare to others, like Dorcas and Matthew both of the are just to awesome =3=
at least they achieve something worth bragging about yet they dun really brag about it, yet i myself achieved nothing but shit in my high school, therefore I'm trying to chase up if possible step by step bah.

About a week ago i had this really sharp pain on my right chest, as though there's a pole stuck right through my chest, the 1st day i was still quite ok, trying my best to act normally, despite the pain. the 2nd day was as though there was this giant invisible clamp clamping my right chest! the pain was so painful i couldn't even walk properly and i was having breathing difficulties, i really struggle even to get to college and at times the thought "is this the end of the line for me?" crossed my mind. i cant possibly tell my parents about this coz they'll blame my work and this event for it, so I'll just have to deal with it, The worst thing was that day i had a meeting with crew! and yes she was there! i cant possibly show her the weaken side of me bah! i was trying my very best to act the way i normally do during a meeting and coughing at the most minimum. ugh~ after that i was feeling quite ok after a few days~ was feeling even better after a 11km run with Edwin~ damn tat really hit the spot~ though the it was very painful when i run and a few times i nearly crashed into the road but i managed to pull through! thank God!

The business team is really tiring waiting and waiting and going hunting almost 2 times a week, having to send mails and make calls, well i asked for it~ haha dun worry I'm having fun keeping myself busy as i must do my best to help this event! OSU!

Right after meeting today, i had dinner with Sam, Simon and Raymond~ we went to ampang Korean town~ the food was awesome~ the price still considerable la~ went and bought myself a packet of melons sweets~ which are very awesome too mind you I'm very crazy about melon favoured food!~ one thing i find it every funny is that almost the whole swc knows that I'm chasing her, damn where do they get their info from? though i cant blame them almost anyone who talk to wesha about me would know it bah =3= ugh though Raymond and Sam can really keep it to themselves~ i don't mind but then its her that cause me to mind bah! coz from my point of view is that "i like this special someone and I'm not afraid to let the world know it!" but for her it maybe that "Damn this loser likes me and if the world were to know about it who knows what it'll do to my reputation?" haha~ they were drank soju while as who i am i dun drink at all~ yes boring guy but hey! i dun care its in my policy that i dun drink despite the condition and situation~ mind u have damn lot of funny policy which i will not break under any circumstances. haha~ maybe that's one of the thing that make me a boring guy mah? ugh~ i believe the world has alot more things to do other than drinking, smoking, clubbing and blah blah~ to get drunk is a way of escaping the truth for just that few hours and you'll be facing it again after that so whats the point? though i know that most of my friends drink for fun~ but hey! i can be fun even without drinking~ haha~ anyway the Korean restaurant was nice~ maybe I'll bring her there one day? will continue to dream about it until the chance come bah...

Actually i wanted to ask her to join us for dinner de, but then before i could end my meeting with the juniors and business team, she went home with lemon, and yes got teased by Raymond and lemon =3= ugh~ as if she doesn't understand pulak~ haha~ anyway the chance just slip pass me again haiz~ wait for another chance bah~

Right after dinner on our way back to college after sending Simon home~ while i drove near the hostel gate to drop Sam and Raymond~ hor hor!!! something really unexpected happened! a wira suddenly came from behind and park right in fornt of my car~ and the back door of the wira opened! and a head suddenly popped out! At 1st i thought it was her! but den i thought nahhh impossible la i must be thinking of her too much~ i asked Sam and Raymond again who was it? Sam and Raymond confirm it was her! i literally jumped out of my seat! she was smiling and waving! SOOO CUTEEEE!!!! my goodness my heart instantly melted on the spot~ though i wasn't sure at all who she was smiling at, as u know my eyesight aren't as good as they used to be. most probably she was smiling to Sam bah~ but dun care la! its like for the 1st time she acknowledge my existence after everything that happened bah? during meetings she'll usually be doing her stuff on her lappy and smiling at some point in front of her lappy which makes me very curious what she's reading or watching~ and she'll try her utters most best to not look my way despite me talking the loudest~ its understandable though why she's doing it la~ but it hurts it really hurts. But for awhile just now! its as if she acknowledge my existence! lol! i really sound stupid, really stupid! but i cant help it bah~ i really felt that way~ and for the whole journey back home i cant stop myself from smiling wei! overkill! really melted~ haha~ this will be the fuel to keep me going to do my best bah! it was really really unexpected and it really made my day~ haha~

really wanna tell her hwo i feel about her~ but ermm she doesn't like chessy messages bah~ so might as well drop it bah~ haha~

26th September 2011 Oh time~

2011-09-27T02:50:00.000-07:00

I've started college~ as usually everyone slacking coz its the 1st week~ though i told myself not to slack this sem and should pick up as much as possible~
in this sem i have 6 subjects while she have about 4 subjects including one full partical~ jia you bah! would help in anyway i can!
this week was kinda different from the previous college weeks i had~ had a squash session with wendi and her on Monday~ though i dint really played with her but got to see and talked a bit, seriously just a bit only~ but was good enough to make my day :P

Monday:

Have to stand strong for the coming year, for there will be no more breaks for me.

When i saw her on Monday she dint tie her hair, was let down very neat and looks very straight~ she dye-ed her hair merun red~ haha~ dint know whether is it a coincident that i actually was planning to dye that color too~ soon la~ but since she did, mayb i'll go for copper red as dorcas suggested bah~ anyway she was dressed in her common clothes bah~ a slightly less fitting shirt, shorts and her nikes shoes~ doesn't look very sports wear though but i guess its just her style bah~ that's one of the things i like about her,very simple yet so pretty~ anyway she's not very into sports de type lai de~ while that day i was dressed up like a cow =3= with my black and white pants and shirt~ and i wore a hairband... ugh sarky! but i did coz was playing squash bah.. anyway i got nothing to hide la i think~ after squash i went straight for swimming~ though i thought could have lunch with them de but they ate 1st b4 they replied me so its ok bah~ my bad for not asking them directly~ could be kinda awkward though~ haha~was very worried whether she had an umbrella with her or not though, coz the weather this month was kinda rainy and hot at times! for me i'm ok coz i got the solution how to deal with this kinda weather so it doesn't really affect me but as for them this weather can really bring sickness and illness. now if she would to get sick that would be bad right? haha~ anyway they had an umbrella bah~ later in the evening went jogging with edwin, we jogged 3km in the gym and about 8 km outside the gym, still unable to reach our targetted speed yet!

Tuesday:

Gotta keep on running and keep on training until i reach that speed

had a meeting with the thriller crew! though I'm the only SOT guy there and yes she wasn't there~ at 1st i thought she settled everything and ciao dy coz i went in late due to my classes~ had a meeting and brief the juniors wad to do, though i myself am not very sure of what I'm doing at times but I'm trying to get them to have an idea of what we'll dealing with and what to expect. i told them that " the business team is the bone of the event, we're important and if we dun do our job properly, others cant do their jobs properly too! but as the bone of the event people will onli see the flesh, so be prepared too be invisible and dun complain." coz alot of people have the wrong idea of getting popular by being in the business team~ yes catchy name but we really need to get the job done de! bah mayb its because i'm the type that doesn't really stand out so this job is kinda perfect for me la~ haha~ i dun mind the credit being given to others, as long as they dun step on my tail~ After that eveline, wesha and I went to pavilion to chill~ ate snowflake, mochi and macaron! the peach mochi was very AWESOME! wonder whether she likes it or not? hmm~ mayb one day i da bao for her bah~ around 3pm had a meeting with the SAD members! wow the bullets flew all at sam and me, we tried our best to block most of them! event was approved but just need to change the name only! haha~
the SAD members kept telling us about ghost and spirits ugh! as if i believe? i only just listen only la~ i cant be bothered about these things coz I've know the truth behind all of these~ so why bother? haha~
THAT NIGHT! SHE FB PM-ED ME!!!!!! i jumped out from my seat, shocked! she wanted to ask about the cupcakes we saw in desa park city, i offered her a ride! and yes she said YES!!!! i went to sleep happily that night~ :P there were a few point of view about this situation. but i dint really bother bah. i jus happy she said yes! haha~

Wednesday:

I went out with raymond, wesha and Sam to meet up with chun kit, and jonny~ we went its all because wesha wanted to tried the gongcha! haha~ wonder whether did "she" tried gongcha b4? if i have the chance maybe i could bring her here to try? but after thinking the gardens is so near her house la! dunno la IF is a good word! haha~ Was seriously laughing all the way to the gardens and back la~ really fun to hang out with these guys~ :D had gongcha oso~ though they kept giving me their left over milk green tea to drink until i was so full! haha~ nice though~ while going out with them i really wish she was with us.. maybe its because we dint invite her? we did try to call her a few times, bah dint pick up neither did she sms to ask wads up... cant be help bah aku face problem haha~

Thursday:
The faithful day arrives! Its the day where i'm suppose to go to desa park city with her~ ironic isn't it? the 1st time i went out alone with her was to desa park city~ haha~ she might not remember it but its important tome at least. Anyway the 1st thing in the morning i asked her where to meet~ and to my surprised wendi was coming along too~ hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no longer just us alone dy like this~ haha~ understandable la~ but its good oso la~ i scared i jammed and there is a silent period jiu not good lor, at least with wendi she wont feel so awkward oso bah i think? and i have the chance to understand the conversation she's interested in or the type of conversation that can interest her~

I brought them to kepong McD for lunch~ though i wanted to bring them to other place but then the nice dining areas dun open until 6pm so i wasn't given much choice.. de pastry was one of the choice but then they dint wan to eat so no point bringing them there, it'll show them tat I'm the rich type and always eat expensive areas which i am seriously not rich at all. bah just a precaution only la~ when we reach McD i was still very quiet i dint know how to blend in seriously... my mind was overheating trying to figure out sumthing to say and a topic to talk bah... panic-ed gao gao! i should had treated them to the french fries but!!!! ZZZZ lost the chance =3= and on my way up the stairs hor hor! my steady brother appeared in front of me! LYN LYN APPEARED!!!! DAMN I WAS SO HAPPY I SAW HIM THERE! AT LEAST HE COULD GIVE ME SOME POINTERS!!! and yes he did! damn i was just so happy at least sumone i knew was there to help me un-panic~

After tat we went to desa park city~ ugh tat period was the best i think? i was very focus on the business stuff so act freaking smooth wei! lol though i notice most of the time when I'm talking to her face to face, i was daydreaming =3= she just look SO CUTE!!! and her eyes were so captivating, my mind really went blank literally... her hair was literally glowing under the sun looks nice on her, though she has little bit of pimple on he forehead but she's still so cute! just completely blew me away~ after that i notice i was unusually quiet again =3= sad i just dunno why so diam... ugh! i'll really need to slap myself hard if this happens again.

On the way back to college was the worst was REALLY REALLY DISAPPOINTED OF MYSELF!!! there was a few minutes of silence in the car, was guessing wendi was also tired bah... i had no choice but to use the last resort i prepared for safety measures, was to use the music. I prepared a number of songs that she likes~ wasn't easy though =3= spent almost the whole Tuesday and Wednesday night to come out withthe list.yes i was very desperate to kill the silent in the car. i drove as fast as i could to shorter the silent period, though i usually dun drive like this and was speeding at sum parts... haiz fail la aku.. i'm sure she wont be happy to know it too? coz i wasn't acting like myself which she doesn't like i think...

Was really really really disappointed with myself la, so hard baru i dapat this chance again... den i acted like this pulak haiz~ and there were a few times i knew she was trying her best to break the ice too.. she asked about my results too~ ARGHGHGGHGH NOOB LA YOU ERNEST!!! i wrote on facebook
"facepalm aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" and it triggered a

just dont show f.face to me, and behave yourself as you should, and you knw. i believe.

Ouch dei! seriously ouch!!!! though i think i really deserve it de lor... for being such an asshole! Later that night, after i slept and woke up, she posted saying she wants to cry and sum other thing in Japanese which i dint really understand.. i quickly pm-ed and her called her! lol to my amaze she answered for the 1st time this few months! coz previously i tried to call her but no answer~ but i think she picked up is because she forget to turn it in silent mode bah~ good for me though! haha~ but she said she was ok la, i seriously doubt it.. she dint really wan to share it so i'm guessing its sumthing very private? bah bah~ anyway there's her crush de things to consider oso... i dint really want to think about it, coz to know that she has a crush was a huge blow to me dy and if i were to think more I'm heading back to my emo state which i dun wan to! but there's just how i left things so far bah... would really like to help her in the F&B side, and the only way i can help to relax abit is to find more sponsors so that she can have a bigger budget, so less work for her!
So i must do my best to hunt sponsors, for her sake and the event sake bah..

Friday

was just another normal Friday bah~ though i went for swim with Edwin in the morning :D, though i know she'll be going to the Arthur's day thingy~ hope she had fun bah~

Saturday
Went sponsor hunting with sam and wesha, went alot of places and alot costumes to see wei~ most of them looks very simple and can be handmade seriously! met 2 SAD officers too~ they were looking for costumes for the mid Autumn festival~ haha~ once again had a awesome day out with them la~ so brother la! and i dicovered a pet known as marimo ball which looks very simple yet nice leh! its basically a ball of algea but looks nice leh~ and not cheap oso coz its rare rm60 for about 7cm radius =3= ouch nyeh!

As thing are looking, as usual just give it my all bah, i running out of time.. will have to push myself through the break through point, until that day comes i'll just have to proceed with the things i'm facing now, just dun regret for not doing anything.. RUN! haha~ ironic isn't i told my friend to stop running and here i am trying to take on the world alone.. bah~ i dun have time anymore... wil just have to DEAL with it! OSU!

17th September 2011 Gunung Datuk!

2011-09-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Its almost the end of my sem break though can consider the end dy bah~
finished up almost everything i wanted to do dy~

Recently i went hiking with Edwin and bor lih~
We climbed Gunung Datuk which is located at seremban near rembau~
had a very awesome trip seriously~ i really enjoyed myself~
the sense of adventure was really there :D

On the 14th september, evening i went to edwin's place to over night, coz we plan to move out around 5am in the morning~ so must wake up around 4am~ had an awesome night at his place~ went out iwth him and lee jin to sunway~ both of them stay at klang wei~ haha~ went to sunway pyramid wanted to try out the famous chatime dorcas told me so much about~ and yes tried it~ ermm its nice la but not addictive to me~ wanted to meet up with dorcas at sunway de coz her class ends about 9.30pm that night~ but i left the place early for CC session with the doods so dint meet up with her bah~ haha~

we spend 2 hours plus gaming~ haha~ all of us so rusty dy we even lose to the Ai wei~
anyhow after that we went back and prepare for the trip~ got the cordinates for my gps to lead the way~
and pack up everything~ we rest about 2am but thx to the chatime it kept us awake almost the whole night~
woke up at 4am to bath and we went to McD to da bao breakfast~ i taste great in the car while edwin was showing off his driving skills :P tried to consume coffee for a change~ i added 4 packets of creamer and 3 packets of sugar but the taste still sucks to me =3= damn mayb coffee and i really cant get along bah~ i tried to love it but my love failed~ mayb i wasn't drinking it right?

we pick bor lih up around 5am and we were on our way~ stop at another McD for bor lih to get his breakfast~
And after we continue our journey~ to find that the gps cordinates that i've found online turns out to be fake =3= hor we were in deep deep shit tat time could say we were lost in sumwher between kl and seremban~
but thx to the technology of iphone 4~ we found a new route and took us about 3 hours drive b4 we reach the mountain foot~ damn we were so excited~ 3 of us prepared lolipop to suck our way up! :D
as we began our journey up the mountain~ the mountain route was so steep about 65 degrees wei~
and the leeches were so aggressive as if they saw 3 walking buffets wei~

half way up both me and edwin were at our limit mayb due to the lolipop and the altitude~ there were times i feel like turning back but we dint la we just push on! after awhile we were alright and charging upwards~ haha~ took us about 2hours to reach the peak~ the peak was seriously awesome its so spacous can fit about 30 ppl to camp~ and the other side for side seeing was fantastic! though abit dangerous but we cant be bothered at all~ we were too happy and were taking pictures for about 1 hours~ we finished our drinks and started to head downwards~

As we climb up the same road we took to the foot of the hill~ scary wei~ coz very steep and the leeches are jus too aggressive~ they got bor lih~ suck him up nicely though he dint really care but for me~ ugh i jus dun wanna try it :D~ took us about 1 hour to reach the foot of the hill~ coz we dint stop at all~ to come down was not tiring jus straining onli~

All in all its very interesting trip the best thing is there were to one other than us~ so the adventuring feel was really there~ :D

there's suppose to be more photo but its with edwin~ i'll upload it when i have bah~ ciaosu!

10th September 2011 Hazy

2011-09-09T18:24:00.001-07:00

v3 [DIFF] [EDIT]

What is it that I left behind
Just before I started dreaming?
Though I don’t want to forget,
Sometimes, suddenly, in a corner of my memories,
A gently blurred sepia color floats up.
On the other side of these days in front of my eyes, little by little, it moves further away.

Why am I running
Until I’m out of breath, anyway?

So afraid of standing in place that I sped up,
I felt my quickening heartbeat to make sure that I’m really here.
If you listen carefully for that little voice deep inside your heart,
The world that surrounds you will clear up and spread to tomorrow.

Drawing closer, then going a little further away,
Waving to the people I’ve met,
I become honest on this road I feel I’ve traveled before.
Laughing faces and crying faces -
Look, if you add them together, it’s lovely.
There are always unchanging things within yourself.

As the sun shines on your face after you cried,
Are you gradually learning love?
Let’s focus our eyes on the future
That was unclear and so far away.

When the wind sweeps over my cheeks and sings its song around my ears,
I take it into my strongly resounding heartbeat and move closer to the sky.
I’m carried by a light bounce in my step,
And I continue to a story no one has seen yet.

9th September 2011 Stone heart

2011-09-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

its been awhile again~ haha~
everything is somehow fine i guess?
There hasn't been anything happening particularly?
or is it that i lost my senses to realize what's happening?
I've realise I've slowly starting to become a stone heart..
heartless? its more like there's alot of things i can't find myself to bother about anymore....
bah bah~ as for things i wanted to do, most of them had been completed~
but somehow i still kinda empty inside...

recently i dunno there's just a feeling that I'm back to solitary life style.
most of my friends cant really be bothered about me, yes i'm starting to sound like a girl
but pfft~ who cares~ its not like u're really hearing me say this up front~ bah~
somehow during this holiday even though there were a few outings but i still feel empty and dead.
dunno why... mayb its bcoz i sprain my ankle and am unable to go jogging for awhile or is it bcoz i haven been swimming lately? haha~ excuses i guess~ its all cooking in my mind~ will have to stay strong and just chiong!
but even though i say nak chiong... i no longer can hear that roaring heart neither do i feel my boiling blood anymore... mayb its bcoz i haven been able to see her for quite sometime dy?

bah bah~ as for her~
the feeling its still there, she seems to be fine though I'm seeing this thru facebook~
probably just that i no longer feel connected to her even though we don't talk or message each other..
but the things she post seems that she has a "crush" bah~ at least that's where it lead me to la~
during these times i know i should feel crushed and down but somehow I'm just fine...
bah am i starting to be immune to pain? or have i started to grow numb to it?
i need answers, i need solutions, ~~i need help....~~
very unmanly to call for help bah..
at least that's what dorcas told me, she said girls like guys that can take care of them?
and she gave me a few examples of guys being very sissy, most of the gave me a critcal hit.
knowing that I'll try to stop posting things on FB and twitter from now on bah..
it only show how childish i am..

ARGH SCREW IT LA!!! THERE'S SO MANY THINGS GOING THROUGH MY MIND I'm REALLY STARTING TO LOSE MYSELF... but yet why am i still so calm and so.....heartless?

29th August 2011 Till that moment comes

2011-08-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

You turned your back at me and walked away
without saying a single word…
In my wavering heart, I screamed like a child
“Don’t go…don’t leave…hey…”

I turned my back at you and walked away,
I have to leave this place before I start to cry.
It was a lie when I said I hated happiness.
I acted tough and let go of my ideal future…
I can’t take my wish back…

I feel this small room has gotten wider
expanding the scar in my heart.
And even a minute or a second seem longer…

If only I could spend it with you…

Does this world not even allow me to have a wish?
Even a single lie
will give birth to your tears…
I have sinned so much that I can’t keep track...

When I pick up a bit of the present, I feel like I throw a bit of the past.
But I’m sure the me who laid in
the infinite memories and time
will surely disappear from your memories…

Can’t we go back to how it used to be?
Is this the beginning…or the end?

The nights where I sleep in this wide bed won’t end,
I simply dream…alone
I dream of a dream following your memories.
But I have sinned so much that I can’t keep track...

If I can compensate by experiencing this pain from loneliness,
then please keep me in your memories.

It’ll be great if we can meet again with these immutable feelings.
but until that time comes,
“See you later”

27th August 2011 5th milestone

2011-08-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

After 15 days of pouring effort into my studies for my finals and disconnecting from facebook and blogging~
everything has finally ended~
And now sem break~ :D
its a break from all the studies but i still have my own duties and responsibilities to handle~
alot of my frined kept asking me to on my Fb but then i thought ugh why? and since i made a promise to seal my FB acc. i better keep to my word bah. and i don't wan to be the type of person that can say but cannot do, but rather i wan to be the type tat am true to my word just like my father. And is best i don't go back on my words bah, it usually ends up as a back fire de.

honestly these 15 days wasn't a walk in a park for me, mayb its just because i haven really poured so much effort into my exams before. almost everyday i sleep at 1am den wake up at 5 am just to study, i was reaching a point where i really hate sleeping because its a waste of time but yet my body needs it which i cant help it. everyday i was screaming for more time...
was kinda going crazy, i dont know why i'm so serious about my exams this sem..
i told myself:

if i have time to set my hair;
i rather use it to study.
if i have time to facebook;
i rather use it to study.
if i have time to blog;
i rather use it to study.
if i have time to go rest;
i rather use it to study.
if i have time to think about her;
i must use it to study.

though the last one i failed quite a few times...
alot of times unconsciously i was thinking about her...
and hmmm i wanted to wish her all the best for her finals, i was having a hard time deciding whether to call her or to text her? coz i cant use facebook due to promise i made to myself to seal my facebook until i finish my finals so finding her on fb was out of the question. in the end i decide to call her coz i was afraid she might not get the message =3=

while i was calling, i feeling was kinda nervous coz its been awhile since i talk to her on the phone, to my horror it dint get through... and then i decided to text her as a last resort, but then the message dint get through judging from since there was no message received report. i tried 2 days but nth got through. until i had no choice but to ask wesha what happen bah. i'm guessing she changed her handphone number, coz its very inconvenient for a college student to off their phone for more than one day bah. jus guessing but i don't wanna jump to conclusions~ and she's not the type that will simply or randomly change her number de bah..

and on Thursday after my exam while walking to my car and i was taking off my specs, she walk pass just like a breeze.. by the time i noticed it was her, it was already too late~ she walked off, at that point i was asking myself whether or not i should chase her that time but then i thought even if i did chase her what am i expecting? bah though sometimes chasing her mayb good though. but that day something was abit off about her, kinda felt it i guess. dunno mayb i was just thinking too much bah~ mayb i should had just chased her and ask her tat day bah? haha~

anyway since i'm free from all my finals mayb i'll start finding her on FB bah?
haha~

and since my holiday is here~ so far here's the list of things i wanna do~:

complete my kingdom key
try the matcha swiss roll recipe
try the chills molten chocolate cake recipe
register for the 21km run
find at least 2 sponsors for the coming hollow night event
try laser tag
purchase a hand drill a.k.a carving pen
purchase and study about the 3x3x3 LED system
find a job for my internship.
buy a takoyaki pan and try cooking takoyaki

optional:-

go sungkai hot springs
ask her out if possible
go rafting at kampah.

And thats about all~ By the Way this is the 100th Post~ haha~

12 August 2011 Liberi Fatali

2011-08-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Had been spending most of my time studying for this week,
though there's a saying " don't mistake activities for achievement~!"
So i'll still need to pour my heart into revisions.

I took a break from my studies this wednesday and attended the screening day for the broadcasting students and yes she'll be too la of coz. bah just have to be extra careful not to do make stupid mistakes bah, though the question goes like this

Q: what examples of stupid mistakes? u see her den say hi la duh?
A: Err ya gua, just keep in eye la coz i'm blind when i'm in the dark without my glasses so if she happened to say hi 1st I MUST REPLY or not there'll be another misunderstanding which is very very very very bad!

So on wednesday, elaine told me to be there by 1pm while wendi told me to be there by 2pm, hmmm i followed elaine coz she's the one that i help out so thought mayb she need me to be there abit early or what la. haha~ in the end, i reach there by 1pm to be told to wait til 2pm, which i spend reading notez in my car. Anyway i was really glad i attended it, learned alot seriously. was abit shocked to see how elaine's video turn out. haha was really top notched, partly of my poor acting skills bah.. anyhow was really amazed how they did it so well~ there were a few that i mark them as high potential, especially Pork's MV wao~ blew me away wei~ haha~ i dint know he was such an awesome guy~ "her" video wasn't bad oso quite nice~ wendi's MV was oso breathe taking~ And Derick's movie trailer was the best trailer i would say~ its a comedy compared to the others which are suspense and horror. the rest wasn't bad oso la but these few really stand out lor~ editing and shooting these video aint easy u know? u'll need to try to shoot one there you'll know how hard it is to produce a very very very good one.

I was abit shocked to see ann chuan and xander in broadcasting wei~ i thought both of them different course~ anyway both of them did an awesome job oso~ pro sia~ haha~ though i thought a few groups could do better la, but who am i to judge ppl =3= i'm just a nobody flowing with the flow~Anyway one of the most important thing i learn was seriously nothing is impossible, its the determination that changes the outcome.

After the screening sessions ended, while i was standing behind and chatting with eveline and john, there "she" was haha~ though i told to chance to talk to her abit~ haha really made my day :DDDD though i forgot to wish her all the best in her finals.. but hey i guess i'll just do it when her finals comes closer bah. anyway i think yes i can do it, i can bury my feeling for her for now. haha~ it'll be the path i'll have to walk bah~

though after all this, elaine belanja me and chin yee to pizza hut~ had a awesome meal while chatting with them, was seriously hypered mayb coz too happy dy~ :D when i reach home, dad asked me to go out with him to buy things, i was so happy i dint think of the word " No " at all~ haha~ and after buying all the things, when we're about to leave for home, bah my car cant start =3= sien~ but i was still very hyper so macam no feel haha~ Ah yoon came and fixed it up for me though~ haha~

This will be the last post before the finals. i'll really have to focus and put aside everything. Other than her, this sentence "A little insight wont make this right!" has been floating in my mind lately, hmm wonder why... haha~ btw don't mind the title this time its just a song i've heard very long ago which suddenly came back to me~ haha~ anyway guys should know this song bah since it was u guys that intro-ed it to me de =)

PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH TO CRUSH THE FINALS!!!

8th August 2011 Memory lane

2011-08-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

this isn't their campus i jus took it because the way the clouds looks so weird, more liek their mist rather than clouds

My long lost sistar chong jia wei~ haha~

My long lost brother Ng Wen Bin~ haha~

monoct and me~

while goofing around in their lecturing hall~ haha~ monoct, me and wen bin~

my beloved ah mah~

Had trip back to Ipoh, it start around 7am in the morning though i slept through the whole journey. though was woked up when my bro got stopped by the police =3=

anyhow had breakfast at ah mah's house~ really missed her, as usual her cooking was awesome! haha~ learned something from her today too~ haha~ really love her for all the things she's taught me.

after breakfast, my bro send me to UTAR in Kampar to lepak with wen bin, monoct and xiao wei~ haha~ wen bin and xiao wei are my long lost brother and sistar! i've lost contact with them ever since 2005, and since last time we dint have handphones neither did we have emails yet. though i wrote letters back to them but somehow there was no reply and slowly i stop writing.
but anyway to be able to meet up with them today was one of my happiest moments!

Wen bin has grown so tall and his so fit, though i don't a hav photo of him last time, but his jus so handsome now haha~ but his reaction is the same as last time bah very big reactions~ Xiao wei is the sistar that was born on the same year, same month and same day as me only a few hours different haha~ she've slim down mayb bcoz she've grown slightly taller bah~ haha~ And monoct! haha its been awhile since i last saw her~ she looks like she's really enjoying her campus life here~ and yes their campus looks very awesome! alot better than the KTAR and UTAR in setapak. I attended wen bin and monoct's lecture got to know wen bin's girlfriend haha she isn't as short as i thought she was though~ seems like wen bin is doing fine himself~ :D damn i really missed those time when i was still in ipoh, always doing things with wen bin and was kinda innocent bah last time, but if it wasn't because that i've came to kl i guess i've would had become just another streetrat and a rubbish of society. well everything has a price to pay bah~ haha~

though today when i was walking around UTAR with my bro while waiting for wen bin, i bump into Ah phoon honestly i was shocked! her hair wasn't blonde and honestly i like how she looks now :D looks more healthy and less lala-ed bah~ was surprise she recognized me! and she ever remember my name!!! WAO even though i din't talk to her before in camp =3= bah guess i'm popular in camp :DDDD haha~ as if la...

Overall today i sat for hours chit chatting with xiao wei and wen bin~ really got alot to catch up with btw xiao wei oso dint change much la like last time when i made her cry, hor hor BOY did she came after me! haha~ coz she told a case of a friend of hers, pushing her too much until she snapped until now~ hor hor scary sia~ so learn for today? DONT EVER PISS XIAO WEI OFF U'LL REGRET IT! haha~

honestly was really glad i was given a chance to spend time with them :D
though the nest time i wanna meet up with suk fui~ heard she's taking her form6 now~

OKAY its time for me to get serious and prove myself!!
And after all of this i promise i will set things right!!

7th August 2011 鏡の国

2011-08-07T03:48:00.000-07:00

This is KANO Yasuhiro latest work~ i can see the potential of it in jus the 1st chapter~ haha~ most of his works are about secrets how the main character has a secret that can absolutely cannot be told to anyone~ hope this time he doesn't get cancel before he could end the manga properly.

Anyway after reading this manga some how relax me~ as shown above there are some phrases that hits me directly like an arrow~ haha especially the part where he tells himself how he has carefully told the chance and use it as a foundation to build friend relationship with satomi, and if his too careless to place high hopes on top of all this, he could end up with nothing. And not just from his mouth. even a slight rumor that ends up in satomi's ears is a big NO-NO. Unless he is absolutely positive that it will work. he will not risk ruining this unique relationship that lady luck has blessed him~ and because of that he'll have to bury his own love without hesitation.

If and only if i had thought that far just like him, to not risk the chances things may had ended differently mayb? haha~ Anyway recently i thought that even if we're together we won't have lasted bah consider how things had already turn out to be, the same would happen if we were together but mayb it'll happen a bit later but its sure to come. Anyway all i can do now is just like harisugawa, I'll just have to bury my love without hesitation. Somehow i used to think that i couldn't do it but now i think i can do it bah! Anyway since I've nearly gone berserk on the 5th august, I'm feeling quite composed and cool about things now.

anyway it's not that I'm clueless and directionless at all now, I've 2 projects listed out with the highest priority, will be updating about them more after my finals. So lets face what is at hand~ Finals!!! and wishing her all the best in her finals bah~ though i'll just text her when the time comes bah~ haha~ I shall nat make stupid mistakes anymore!

5th August 2011 Compose

2011-08-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

As days goes by, I'm really missing you more and more, thinking of you more and more. even though i try to suppress it, and even though i don't know why i am missing you this much, but one thing is for sure this feeling is getting stronger and larger every second. I'm going crazy... I'm so
sorry, I'm really so sorry...

I don't know why and i too want to know why. but its really hard to put everything aside...
i really feel like shouting it out, I wish i could put all of these feelings into words, if possible i wanna express it to her... but its impossible as for things are. when i woke up this morning with such a heavy heart, i dint know how to deal with it anymore other than trying to suppress it with all i have, i must not cause anymore trouble to her...
just a little insight won't make things right....

ARGH!!!!!! I'm losing my composition...
DAMN IT~!!!! WAKE UP WILL YOU?!

Must hold onto the little hope that remain, have to put a smile to face each day just in case even if you meet her, at least you have to return a smile to her.
Its because u're losing ur composition that why the more you should try to keep urself compose,
the minute u lose it, its the end. And everything will end.
strength is being determine now, its now that's the most crucial moment.. this will determine what will happen in the future. therefore keep on fighting!!!!
when darkness starts to turn to light that would mark the end of the test... all the best..
STOP PUSHING YOUR DREAMS TO OTHERS!!!!

TRY BEFORE YOU QUIT!!!

DON'T EVER LET THIS SPILL OVER TO REALITY!!!

AND DON'T FORGET TO SMILE!!! :)

3rd August 2011 Nostalgic

2011-08-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Its been a rough week for me, due to reports that was stacking up.
anyway i've put an end to the reports dy, so with the little i have left i'm updating again~ :D
funny i'm saying that, i only come here to dump things though. anyway who cares~ its jus known as updating for short :DDD

Yesterday, my bro asked me to go for a jog with him, i thought it was just around our garden but in the end i found myself jogging at a very nostalgic place... desa park city. bah nothing's wrong with the place, cause everything is cooking in my head bah~ whenever i passed by the place where we sat and chat, damn macam suddenly kena bombed by thoughts~ haha~ i don't hate it, but i just want to let things settle down abit and focus on my finals, likewise if i don't do anything stupid i won't cause any problems for her bah? haha~ though i wasn't running like i used to because i was trying to motivate my bro to jog a few more rounds by running slow and matching his pace. i'm able to motivate people but i honestly fail to help myself out at times. i wonder mayb one day i can run with her like this? hmm a bit farfetched~ anyway i can keep dreaming bah~ while running, the things like what we talked about that day were literally ringing in my head clearly especially the one she said about how last time there used to be guy that was interested in her and said to her that after they coupled then only they get to know each other more is oso not very late. hmmm... more a less the same situation as me i guess? but honestly i wasn't planning to ask her about being with me until later de lor, but somehow things just grew out of hand TA DAH~ i'm here~ haha~

Recently, Sam said she wanted to organize a team building trip for the thriller night crews, honestly i was really happy there's this kinda trip after the finals, was hoping maybe i could fix things with her during the trip? haha~ i quickly confirm everything and was pouring my heart into my studies dy, at least I'm no longer hopeless and i have something to expect after the finals.
but to my horror Sam text-ed me late that night saying the trip was cancel~ haha~ somehow i had a feeling something like this would happen but i dint bother because was REALLY REALLY hoping that it would happen~ haha.. anyway I've just have to find another way bah~ :D

had been finding myself in situation where is spontaneously made decision that i usually wont, example i went to donate blood, which at 1st i saw eveline's status den suddenly the next day i'm donating blood already. and on tuesday when i woke up from my sleep, after hearing the word YES i suddenly decide to wear my YES shirt and blue skinnies, which was very not me bah~ haha~ like what lyn said bah just do something u'll never do de bah~

13 days left til finals~ Lets go all out bah!

29 July 2011 accepting the fact

2011-07-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

its been awhile after the SOT sport carnival, but then i'm still lacking rest partially is because of my coming finals which starts at 17th august~!!! and i've been helping out elaine and her crew with some video shooting~ its fun though but its oso no walk in the park..

recently i've see her a few times in an event organized by the advance diploma, and everytime i see her i never failed to escape the scene within seconds... bah thats the only thing that came into my mind, i dint wan to cause trouble anymore bah. dunno la i somehow i feel that if i'm there it'll just cause her a change of mood bah. i'm juz guessing la anyway i dint wanna take the risk bah. another reason was because of the finals bah~

anyway i've been giving it some thought about what she said, she said something like :"liking sumone doesn't mean you have to be lovers, sometimes you just have to be friends." hmm gave it sum thought and yes i agree and i'll accept it bah~ like what my auntie gracy told me~ " Don't worry! if its suppose to happen somehow something will happened for it to happen!" bah i've finally come in to agreement to it bah~

wednesday i had a flash mob and honestly i was abit shocked to find that she was there to watch.. i thought she had class though, i wanted to run but unfortunately its not possible that time, but after thinking abit i asked myself this question why cant she be here? its her freedom la~ haha~ stupid me getting worked up over things like this. by the time it started, I messed up 99, coz i was really shaking and she was just standing right in front of me =3= sometimes i find myself really pathetic, i'm not afraid of most of the things but yet something like this cause me to shake WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! bah i quickly escape the scene after everything was over... but at night on facebook we had a discussion which sounded more like a debate, somehow i dunno why when i'm serious about doing something i really don't care who you are dy, and i was able to put everything aside.

yesterday, i had a meeting with sam at 11am, to discuss about the thriller night's stuff, to find out that seriously most of the SSSH members doesn't want us SOT members to be involved.. its sad to hear but sadly its the truth, after pondering awhile i guess i can understand how they feel bah. coz us SOT SWC don't have much members and most of them put their studies 1st and are not willing to take risks. its sad seriously... alot of the SOT students can really sumone die in front of them and yet just look rather than helping others. If possible i wanna change this! bah what can sumone like me do? as usual sam was very sociable, she did ask me about "her" stuff and how we were doing, bah.. i oso dunno how to answer everything is falling apart. And she ask me about my relationship with chanchai and other sot members, some how i felt like she was giving me some points rather than just asking about them. THX SAM haha~ 1st thing she pointed out was that i'm abit to sensitive? which yes i agree to that its been a serious problem ever since young. And sam was telling how much she love wesha and "her"~ i agree~ both of them are so helpful and loveable especially her :D haha~

later that day, went i went into SWC room to slack before our handball game, by the time i enter the room *BOOM* she was there. i was shocked for awhile though, coz usually she's not there during that time de. And somehow she was asking chanchai a few questions about the thriller night, somehow i dint know why i chipped in, and was answering her question unconsciously. until when she looked me in the eye, i woke up for awhile. but i was glad at least i was talking to her normally for that awhile.. haha~

i hope i'll be able to change this b4 i reach the age of 30. it'll be a rather serious problem if it happen like that. anyway after the discussion i had with her online, i noticed that we're not that different at all? coz during the event we met a few times even though i escape the scene but means that mayb we were looking that the same thing? or interested in the same things? hahaha~ anyway if she's only willing to like sumone then i think i can accept that i'll be liking her from here bah~ today i'll having a handball tournament, hope i'll be able to score a goal! bah~
i 've noticed she's very tried from her shooting session, i understand how tired it is because i've been helping elaine in her shooting session also. take care bah~ i really feel like cheering her a bit, bah~ finals are coming~!!! JIA YOU!!! oh yea recently this thought was floating in my mind it goes like this: ATTENTION TO THOSE PERFECTIONIST~ GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!! THE PERFECT YOU ARE SEEKING DOESN'T EXIST FOR YOU TO ACCOMPLISH!!!

22th July 2011 Dawn of the sky

2011-07-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

It was yesterday when i came home early and i check for manga updates~
the manga which i enjoy reading sora no otoshimono juz had a update and let me tell u this! this manga seriously rocks! awesome comedy! awesome storyline! one of the best manga i would say!
and it has a direct link to my funny bone!

but i was just then when i was laughing my heads out about how the main character tomoki tries to explain what is love to a young girl by showing her how much he loves erotic stuff! he rushes into the girls changing room and got his balls kneed! lol and he tried many other way but always end up that he got his ass kicked! but anyway in the end his grandfather came out in a vision to tell him that what his doing is wrong! because it is not called love if its one sided right? thats why things doesn't work out! in the end after he understands it he rushes back into the female changing room and this time he strips himself naked also! LMAO no longer one sided? haha~ anyway while i was laughing my ass out, suddenly sumthing stuck me really really hard in my head!

love isn't sumthing you only give or only receive, love is somethign to be freely exchanged! LOL
though its from a manga but honestly it really stuck me hard! so what i've been doin was the same! its one sided!! i wasn't trying to understand her at all!!! i was forcing her to understand me! i was just forcing my feelings towards her... SHYT!!!! nothing was exchange! i just kept on thinking from my point of view that i should not give up and what i could do! SHYT!!!!! its seriously one the big mistakes anyone could afford making... WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

I'm seriously a trouble maker wei... i caused her so much problems... even after all the troubles she was still willing to be normal friends with me, damn she's just too kind... i really need to apologize to her, damn if i am ever given the chance to do so i MUST apologize to her!! damn and i thought i was trying to understand everything the best as i could RUBBISH!! i wasn't understanding anything at all!!!

feeling very guilty for what i've done, but on the other hand i'm happy because i finally understand what went wrong! and yes i had been asking this question and finally answer! my father's timing is seriously awesome always sending answers to me when i need them the most!
anyway i feel like a burden has been lifted from me, though i'll still have to face the music but at least i understand now why i'm facing the music now!

anyway for now, i guess the chances of me seeing her will be getting lesser and lesser, i hope that the next time we meet we can talk like normal friends bah and i wont suddenly be come a coward , even if its just for awhile. And finals are coming, i better be prepared to crush'em!

Okay lets hear for one last time before i start my studies!
FIGHT!!! RAWR!!! CRUSH'EM!!

*as usual everything unpleasant are suppose to stay in this blog!*

21 July 2011 Continuing

2011-07-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

its finally the 3rd day of the SOT sport carnival and since monday wesha has helped out until today~ a very BIG THANK YOU to her seriously~ even though today she dint help out but i'm juz glad she was there juz in case~ and there were things about "her"~ haha~ as usual she's still popping in and out of my head almost the whole day, even though i told myself to put things aside coz now i can't do anything at all, let time decide and does what's needed to be done! i'm just a nobody, now i think of it, i have no talents i'm not good any sports neither am i good at art, coz i'm juz a jack of all trades, master of none!

today after the basket ball tournament my course mates and i had a basketball game which had been awhile since we had one~ was very enjoyable and cleared my head for awhile but it felt good even though it was just awhile. Had dinner with edwin, wei hong and bor lih that was 1st round and 2nd round was with wesha, pei shan and pork. yes pork is his nickname i was astonish too when i heard his name =3= anyway had a very very full dinner today. and its been quite awhile since i had a proper meal, i've been having fast food for lunch and dinner almost everyday this week. guess nothing happen by chance bah~ anyway i feel very guilty for skipping the flashmob training today again, i'm planning to skip the basketball tomorrow and go for the flashmob training i cannot afford to disappoint jayson anymore, his seriously a good person don't wanna let him down~ and i seriously dint want to give a damn about the basketball tournament dy though i think they can managed it since all the other sports ended~ i worked like a dog for them and at the end of the day chanchai tells me " WHY YOU EMO?" or he'll around with his indirect jokes about me being emo. and the worst part is that when i tell him or reminds him of the problems we have now he'll jus shout at me "YOU THINK I'M NOT STRESS KE? I NEED TO WRITE POSTMORTEM YOU KNOW!" and i was thinking dood u're not even handling any games or sport, u're just participating in the futsal game, and even though he was tackled and unable to play anymore but he doesn't help much rather than helping he'll be disturbing people and poking fun of me, coz i last time did told him about my problem with "her" and yes now i think of it it was a FREAKING BAD decision! IT COMPLETELY BACK-FIRED ON ME. looks the people i can trust its only just lyn and the gang. makes me sound so weak wei. anyway i made sure none of the knows about this blog except my brothers bah~ so everything's steady i guess~ :DD anyway i wont completely blame chanchai for being an ASS HOLE at time bah i mean everyone needs a break considering he is always talking to the top guns in college mayb he just wanted to be carefree for awhile~ and i'm doing all this is all consider as I ASKED FOR IT bah~
coz i joined the SWC naturally these are my responsibility.

haha~ i've been thinking for awhile , why did things ended up this way? there were too many possible answers which i thought up of, but then the most important as wad lyn told me was "LIVE IN THE MOMENT!"~ damn guess his always there to wake me up abit :DDD thx bro!
anyway things about her are best put aside now though i keep yearning to see her, but when i think about after u see then what? things not settled down enough yet, no point stepping on road that just being painted kan? let it rest for awhile and let it dry b4 you step on it!
anyway Kent just uploaded the photos we took that day~ HAHA FINALLY!!! when i look at that picture although her smile was partly blocked by her finger~ but i'm just really happy i took a picture with her INTENTIONALLY this time :DDD i regretted not asking her to take a few more with me. anyway i'll try to ask her next time~!!! OSU!! i'm just addicted to her sweet smile bah! its like a drug to me =3= LOL! aku jadi drug addict pulak sekarang~ haha~

as usually everything unpleasant written in this blog is suppose to stay in this blog and i'm suppose to start up fresh after posting all this!! Even though i can't do anything now, my heart doesn't waver at all, so just let time do its part bah~ while i need to keep my mind focus on the coming battles!
LETS CRUSH'EM!!!

18th July 2011 Sports carnival

2011-07-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

a very tiring day, although i skipped math lecture and sleep til 11am, i went to college slightly early b3fore my maths tutorial and went to swc room to study awhile at less that's wad i planned to do.
when i reach there alexander told me that the sot sport carnival's notice board was completely gone and we went to double check it. yup though i looks like sumone did it rather than being riped by the wind, anyhow by the time chanchai came we settled the notice board almost instantly and started importing our equipments from mr guang~ and we started to clean the sot cupboard for space to keep the equipments, then hor hor~ she came into the room with wesha~ was abit shocked and happy though, but almost instantly i was in a blur i dint know whether should go talk to her or should just continue doing my stuff until she was alone? but it dint happen the guy name ryan which is also momoko's boi friend was chatting with her the whole time~ guess my face problem bah~ haha~ i dint wanna put much thought in it, since she said juz treat her normally. so i just carried out my duty anyway it was also every messy, i stink of sweat so i thought better not approach her bah~

anyway the sport carnival was having problems with the futsal coz 4 team submitted their forms after the deadline and was not accepted and that was the main reason ryan was there, and later on some other futsal guys came which sounded like they wanted a fight, bah childish shit!! anyone can give you a fight, but it takes balls for u to resolve the problem and walk away!!
i explained almost 7 times for them got fed up and walk off with a very pissed off look~ ah~boR~ we even extended the deadline from friday to sunday for you but they send they forms in on tuesday after the meeting, we're not willing to change everything for they all lor~ i mean u as a sportsman should be better than this and u should show more sportsmanship than this lor rather than trying to resolve things with a fight~ like i said anyone of us can give u a fight if you so desperate for one, but WHAT FOR? problem not solve and u're reputation will stink for ur whole college life. anyway i notice that alexander was more a paper work guy, he cant handle talking and explaining to ppl, coz his too soft and people then to munch him up instantly! but honestly i really appreciate him helping us out, since i know chanchai doesn't do much work even though his the chairperson, yes he'll tell u he printed this and typed that, but if u were to listen properly those are very simple stuff which most of us can do, but he'll tell in a way u'll be amazed that he did so much work. anyway alexander did a good job! THANK YOU!!!

when the time came closer, problem started to appear b4 us. we lack people to take of basketball and table tennis, wokay! alot to explain *takes a deep breathe*
here we go~:
1.basket ball we have no referees, and the idea of finding a referee on the spot wasn't a very promising idea AT ALL! and we don't have enough member to coordinate the game properly.
2.tabletennis, our coordinator cheah ern was missing in action and hey! guess what when we called her she said she's coming back from her home town at 4pm~ and guess where's her home town? KEDAH!! my goodness!!! how can she be so irresponsible?? was really disappointed with her lor, she said she will help out whenever she is needed, please don't make promises you CANT KEEP!!!

okies~ i told alexander, i can take care of basketball, while the chess since raymond and oscar was suppose to help me with it so i thought i could leave it to them, while alexander can take care of table tennis since he have knowledge of it. so i thought that everything was settled, i asked wesha and eveline for help, and yes thank God they came to rescue the day! they seriously helped me alot~!!! I really wanted to give them a big hug!

okay after i stationed myself at the basketball court, i tried to find people that are willing to be referees. i managed to find one but no luck with the second one, until i asked ah pheng, he recommended me his friend which show interest in become a referee. i took him in, and GAME ON!

during the game my goodness that guy ah pheng recommended really really sucks. i regretted asking him to be a referee and he even nearly got his ass kicked on the spot, thank God~ his timing is really awesome! a guy that was watching the game while sitting next to us told us that HEY! i can be a referee to sub that guy out! and yes i gladly took him in and replace ah pheng's friend. thank god this referee really knows how to do his job, while before this the teams were furious and they started to curse and swear all over the place, while i was actually starting to lose my cool, those basketball players are really BASKETBALLS! i they gave us the lanci look and started to simply swap players into the match, really really really felt like giving it to them! and disqualifying them! bah~ after this referee came in everything was smooth sailing~

while wesha and eveline was complaining to me that they were disappointed with the SOT basketball players all so noob, lol i don't dare to call them noob since i was no better~ but really was a boring and full of foul- ish game not one bit of sportsmanship is sported through the whole game. then suddenly raymond called me~ he asked me where was i?and whether the chess games started? i was seriously STUNNED i thought he was handling the chess game nicely and now his asking me this, i ran towards canteen 2 foyer since he told me he was there, which i nearly got ran over by a car, i dint notice it coming from my blind spot. but thank God i was able to drag my body out of the way before it hit me, but seriously that driver was no joke he dint even slow one bit at all. guess my face problem bah~ haha~

btw the time i reached canteen 2 foyer raymond wasn't there =3= i was seriously pissed off. but after awhile her showed up, i asked him whether can we start it now, which i thought dood its 6 o'clock the participants should had already came and went back with the feeling that we ffk-ed them. which i'll be calling to apologize tomorrow, so i asked raymond to go and check out the snooker side, he said he wants to call alexander 1st, which i think won't be answering the phone. honestly if i can just drop the basketball things to them, i would have ran to the club house to see the situation. but raymond is not me and he look very irritated, i was thinking dood u're late and u're giving me this attitude don't you its not very fair to me? i din't even flame him for being late at all. while he was trying to get through the phone, i went back to the court.

everything was smooth sailing~ i was relieved abit~ though some problem with the participants not respecting the referees, bah human behavior wants to comment alot but i bet no one of those little bastards can do a better job than my referees! and they can suck my left nut and spit it on my right!!!! ish~ putting those noobs aside, everything was fine though i had trouble finding 2 extra tables for us but hey found it in the end and carried it back for them, at least i thought their helping me, i should give them as much comfort as possible, i seriously owe them not just one but ALOT!

then i saw raymond walking furiously to his car, i asked him how's everything with alexander? he juz gave me the i dunno sign with a very furious look, while i really was disappointed with raymond, then again i thought we're humans there are times when all of us will get tired bah~ anyway when he drove pass i thought he was going home but! he din't turn toward the exit~ haha~ steady as always bah~ i knew his not that type of person that would run away when things gets a little rough.

after that, everything was okay~ until the 2nd game which is qs year 1 vs qs year 2, another bunch of BASKETBALLS. all playing rough which made it another boring game, which wesha and eveline also agreed. i told them at the beginning of the game that referee's decision is finals and please learn to respect the referees, and if they think they can do a better job please come and prove it. and one of the little bastards who was a referee last year and a freaking rough player said that he could but he would rather play while calling me a a dumb ass. ugh! made me twitch abit but what the hell, i don't have time to give a FLYING CRAP about what everyone wants to call me. GAME ON!

until the second half most of the players were furious about each other playing rough, and one provoked the other for a fight~ baah childish noobs, can't they be like ma brother Aaron? he knows that he gets pissed off while playing basketball therefore he choose to quit the game before he actually ended in a fight. shyt wei thier 18 years old and some even 19 years old and they still going about this? my goodness~ we'll see how u'll last when u start work~ what goes around comes around u see~ what u reap is what u sow~
the worst thing was that the winning team was make a big fuss about some minor problem, btw the winning was the red team and their leader was that little bastard that made me twitched back then, he was freaking loud and annoying through the whole game. there was even a time that they simply switch players until there was 6 players in the court, and then they switch it became 4 and then suddenly 6. the referee blew the whistle and suddenly one of them burst into flame and started shouting! ugh~ our problem? it was their own PROBLEM!!! really basketballs!!! somemore want to shout my goodness MALU BETUL!!! lol~ but in the end they won and suddenly u see they were all so happy~ ugh~ stupid boring game with no sportsmanship at all~

anyway after the match, wesha, eveline and i agreed to go mcD for dinner~ so i gave them my car keys so that they can put their bags in my car and go print the mcD coupons while~ i, chanchai, raymond, kent, and roy BROKE INTO the swc room, i had to climb in from the window to unlock the door for them~ was damn fun wei~ though i'm not really that small anymore but i made it la~ :D after we went to mcD with wesha, eveline, roy , raymond and i~ had a fun dinner with them~ i was really hyper back then was simply making jokes out of almost everything, was glad that wesha and eveline were very sporting oso la :DDD though i kinda wished that she was here bah~ lolz~ as if i can do anything la~ hahaha~ time is always a factor!

after sending eveline home~ back infront of my computer haha~ i tried to chat with her on facebook, which turned out that i seriously blew it, she sounded serious about why i sounded surprised about almost everything she does and why do i take her macam a kiddo~ lol i wish i could tell her i was just teasing her only and i just wanted to drag the conversation abit and make it less boring rather than jus yes or no questions. bah~ i ended up telling her that i'm sorry i'm still in the process of trying to treat her normally which honestly i felt really fucked up after saying that =3= i seriously blew it again!!! her reply was "its okay~ lol" damn i seriously suck wei! everything has a price to pay! and after what i said just now the price was pretty i think! anyway i must not lose sight of who i am, and my duties and promises, those are the most important things in my life. my friend once asked me why was i so crazy about her? explain why i like her is like asking me to explain how water taste like.

anyway jian yi help me translate yesterday's message and it turns out to be sumthing like this~:

we are just normal friends thats all. anymore is impossible.
treat me normally is good enuf(?). Dont treat me specially, it is actually troublesome for me. I told u before on phone that we are better off as friends. anymore further than this is impossible. thats all.

hmm i guess i wasn't really that off with my translation oso bah~ but anyway i got the message and yes! i din't forget it, its still ringing in my head~ haha~ i was so tired i dint know should be happy or sad? i'm just glad i understand what it meant~ :DDD
anyway this week's gonna be every tiring for me bah~ i'll be putting my duty 1st rather than my love life, lol its not likes there gonna be alot happening with my love life oso~ haha~ anyway i find myself seriously starting to sound like the chairman for SOT sport carnival dy =3= bah bah~ btw i chat awhile with sam today she sound very stressed and fed up with somethings, cant help it i guess though i'm ready to help her if she ever needs my help la~ same goes to anyone of my friends~ hahaha~ okay tats all for today~ i just notice i've been blogging alot lately~ non-stop each day wei~ haha~ but this blog only all filled with my worries and trouble~ bah i'm just dropping them here so i can deal with more of the things to come later on~ anyway time is short already and and we don't have much time left, i'm praying hard that i'll make it!!

FIGHT!! THE END IS STILL NOT HERE YET!!!

17 July 2011 One of the best days? maybe not~

2011-07-17T10:43:00.000-07:00

Today i had a blast with the TT humans at lot 10 shabu~
we met up in timesquare at about 3pm and when shopping and hang out abit~
of coz she was there la~ still abit cold but anyway i was just happy i was there.
we had dinner at shabu shabu in lot10, the food wasn't really that nice, lack of good sauce.
and i was lack of interaction with her *sobs*

anyway from where i was sitting, i was able to see most of the people la~ all of them was taking photos and most of the people were running from the right to the left and from the left to the right~ while the people on my table was just chilling and eating except for kent that little basket~
i dint really know the finalists neither did i really wanted to know them well so badly la~ just go with the flow only~ most of the time i find her missing in action and was isolating herself from the main group, honestly i really wanna know what's going on in that mind of her's, was it because i was hanging out with them? or another reason? anyway i think girl's also ask the same question sometimes bah? i just brushed it aside though but was keeping an eye on her. After the meal, took me quite sometime before i dared to ask her to take a picture with me, her smile melted my heart instantly! haha was really so happy nearly jump out from the window~ :DD

and after that we did a flashmob in front of the shop, and while walking to pavillion we came out wit ha plan that whenever we heard sumone said 小心! we would squat and put our hands behind our heads, though was worried that it may cause mass panic but thank god it end up that everything was okay~ another trip we played in pavillion, suddenly all of us were pointing an looking up at sum random position lol the by passers were also looking at that direction!!!
next 72 of us were walking in a straight line inside pavillion and we kept going in circles up and down of the escalators~ DAMN FUN! though i heard some old dood complaining to the security bumber~ anyway we escape the scene fast enough though :D and the final act was the same looking up at pavillion building but this time AH pheng was standing at the direction we pointed at, one European dood ask one of our finalist whether was that guy Justin bieber! my goodness best joke ever! mind you through all this she dint really join us, serious as usually huh? after that i part ways with the gang, and i send xhirley home, she stays in selayang though~ cute girl with a very fragile voice =3=

And yes when i reached home~ was chating of facebook and looking for updates until! hor hor~ i saw that she posted:

君が翻訳するなら　聞いて　私達は普通の友達だけ　絶対それ以上の関係は無理です　だから　私のこと普通に対しても全然いいです！　私は、君に特別にされたくない　実は迷惑です。　この前電話で言ったはず　友達のまんまでいい　それ以上は絶対無理　それだけb

i tried to translate it using google translator but as usual, it just giving me rubbish, so i tried to reading it phonetically, which turns out to be~
from i understand:

Mr.Translator, if you can hear, we are just normal friend and nothing more than that, and it is absolutely impossible that it can go above that level of relationship. So, i am completely against it. I, Mr. Special i dont want you, really annoying! In fact i've told you this on the phone before, we're just so-so friends only. more than that is absolutely impossible. that all.

hmmm how should i react to this? i'm seriously lost of direction after this~ it happened to be my best day and hmm~ i just posted in my status that i got the message loud and clear, and surprisingly she replied! coz i was worried about since its been quite awhile since i left i thought she went home oso so i just sms her la~ and it turns out that she when to the movies for harry potter 7~ anyway she posted in my wall asking me to treat her normally and just like a normal friend.
ugh i don't have such things as normal friends all my friends are special and not one i treat the same. anyway i told her she was thinking too much bah, ok mayb i was treating slightly different than a normal friend? since yesterday i bought things for her, i cant help it she's my crush =3= and yes idid told her i still dunno how to treat a rascal yet~ dunno whether she gets my point though. coz i like how the way things are going now in reality i don't want to ruined it again, though i recently was really trying to treat her normally but i just dint really take the chance to talk to her yet. *what i think and what i do is completely different stories, i can treat her like a normal friend but she is still the person i like in my heart* my friend once asked me why don't you just give up? I can't.. i just can't! anyway i don't really want to give it any thought coz i may had translated it wrongly also, PLUS i'm not good at short runs i am at my best when i'm going for a long run coz it shows my true colors. *the best things in life are worth waiting!* i also don't why just her presence make my heart pound, why just her smile melts my heart instantly. i wan an answer! anyway who cares~ my heart don't waver that easily de lor~ for know i only know is that what i need to do,and things will be alot different and painful from now on but i guessed i'm not called ernest chong without a reason. so its the best day or its the worst day? and i believe everything don't happen by chance! anyway i like how things are now if i put the post aside la~ so lets just leave everything in this blog. anyway that's what this blog is for though =3=

NOTHING IS OVER!!! CASE REOPEN!!

16 July 2011 Unexpected!

2011-07-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

007~

the keychains i got from OO nite and the badges i bought, AH(always hungry) was for her though~

damn lot of things to write~
ok 1st of all i was suppose to be working today, BUT last minute it was cancelled and i had a very bad stomachache in the morning.
so i went to Urbanscapes with wesha, initially i thought we'll be going with the SSH gang(and if she happen to be going that would be a bonus i guess?) so i thought why not~? but in the end it was just wesha and I that went there in the morning, we met up with wendi and her sister plus 5 of her friends, though i wasn't expecting to see wendi there~ anyway they were supposed to setup a booth there la~
when we reached urbanscapes, wesha was complaining that it wasn't really happening there yet and both of us were very very hungry~ while scouting for food and was looking around with wesha somehow there was this 8tv quickie thing finding for a new host, and we saw wendi with her friend(they look very close so i'm guessing its her boi friend?) inside waiting to give it a shot, while i on the other hand was hesitating whether should i try it out or not? in the end i gave it a shot coz the number they gave me was 007 :DDD
it was then when they asked us to prepare for questions like why we think we should be the new host? and intro ourselves abit, suddenly wendi whispered to wesha asking me to tell that how much i like "her" during the interview, honestly i was stunned abit la~ guess there's no secret between her and her best friend huh? anyway i gave this a go coz i was reminded of wad lyn told me *do something u would never do!* and it turned out it was quite fun~ though yes i know i suck =3=

Was hanging out ,chatting, helping to sell the items in the booth while eating green tea popcorn!
though wesha and i was addicted to the popcorn at 1st but in the end we dint wanted anything to do with it anymore. Wesha told me that "she" was going also~ ugh my heart drop out for awhile, coz i thought she was going to bon odori~ i saw alot of things that i thought she would like, wanted to get it for her but i thought that ugh mayb not this time bah, since i'm still having trouble talking normally with her.
but in the end i bought a badge for her and a bag of macarons, coz i took wesha's advice and i thought mayb can give it a try bah~ but honestly i of thought buying her sumthing coz i knew she at first oso wanted to come to urbanscapes de but she just dint come~ anyway we were at urbanscapes from 12pm til 4pm, saw alot of things and learnt alot of things oso~ wasn't disappointed at all~

when we rushed back for OO, i asked wesha for help to give the things to "her" but i doubting whether my decision was right? coz if i dun have the guts to give it to her face to face den hmmm things aren't gonna go well. After slacking and playing awhile outside the college hall, she came! my heart drop out for awhile coz she look so cute~ :DD haha she was in a dress while wearing a red checks jacket~ and her hair was tied neatly~

after we entered the college hall, and i when searching for my bro, aaron and dorcas, when i came back to my seat raymond gave me the badge which wesha gav her, i was completely frozen back there, i knew that "yes ernest that choice back was not the right choice at all and u can forget about the macarons!" i was under the weather through out the whole event and to top it up with the not very impressive performance, though i kept shouting and scream when our TT members went on stage~ but honestly i was seriously fucked up inside until i really wanted to walk off half way trough the event. but in the end i stayed, and as soon as the event ended, i haven cam out with a solution yet and was really really panic-ing, but in the end when our eyes met she gave a smile and asked me was urbanscapes fun? MY GOODNESS INSTANTLY I WAS RELIEVED I NEARLY RAN A WHOLE LAP AROUND THE COLLEGE HALL. was damn freaking happy, though this time i tried to give her the badge but she insisted that i keep it, i just agreed coz i thought *there's finally some improvement! so don't rush! take it slowly bah! don't ruined it again!* honestly i was just happy it dint turn out the way i thought it would.

the whole gang of us TT people when for supper and yes she was there, at first i dint noe the way there so i asked her to company me, coz i thought mayb i can talk to her abit more? but she said she was following someone~ but HEY take it slow i told myself~ so i went with the flow~ while eating most of us were taking photos and i thought hey why not take this chance to take a photo with her? but then the thought came again take it slow? i was seriously too overjoyed dy~

mayb tomorrow i'll take a photo with her bah~? maybe?
:DDD

13th July 2011 Speechless

2011-07-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile since my last update

I was really caught up with assignments and stupid thoughts. Recently I saw her in swc room and in canteen 2 foyer, she looks very tired and stress up, guess I shouldn’t be bothering her bah, though I really want to ask her whether she is ok and does she needs a helping hand?

Ugh I had to chance to do so but somehow I hesitated cause I know I’ll cause more trouble and stress to her bah~

Today I almost had the chance to have dinner with her at McD but it dint happen haha~ my face problem bah~ I tried to walk her home but I was rejected immediately~ another face problem~ though I tailed until she reached home. Damn I am really starting to become a stalker pulak~ ugh I dun care bah at least she’s safe.. things wasn’t really resolved I guess the awkward feeling is still there, need to give it more time bah. Though I really regretted for telling her things too early, I could had dodged it by making it into a joke but until the end I thought I dint want to lie, mayb I was taking things too serious bah~ anyway what’s done is done, I’ll need to face the music now~ I asked her whether or not will she be going to bon odori this Saturday but she said mayb, though I thought that the answer was surely a yes, this was a common question in my head recently should I go to bon odori after the job or go to oo nite? I want to go bon odori caused she said she might be there and wearing a yukata ugh! Guys will always be guys bah~ forgive me haha :DD but I guess I’lll just go to OO nite bah, coz I won’t be able to make it bon odori after work if the shuttle is late, I guess I’ll just have to see the photos bah. Making this choice wasn’t easy nyeh~ haha~ recently I look through my photo collection I realized that hey there was one picture that I took with her ACCIDENTALLY cause both of us were in the back ground :D haha honestly I was kinda happy when I saw it, but I’m hoping I can actually take one with her INTENTIONALLY this Sunday if possible?

Somehow today was quite different that the usual day, had dinner with almost the whole SSH SWC members even though I missed the chance to dine with her but it’s alright, somehow there was a point where I was able to talk to her normally which actually MADE MY DAY even though she dint want me to walk her home but I thought its better than nothing huh? And because of the ssh swc members, i’m not feeling that under the weather though, cause those guys back there was about serious humor not matter how many times I dint felt like laughing they made me laughed. It’s been ages since I had such a laugh~ guess SSH people are easier to joke with bah not so serious~ haha~ today sam said that I’m more of a SSH person rather than a SOT person for the second time, honestly it really puzzled me whether DMH was really the course for me at times, but I keep on brushing things aside cause I need to see things through already though I guess hanging out with them wasn’t bad at all~ :D

Whenever I drink green tea it reminds me of her, but she doesn’t look like a green tea or neither does she smell like a green tea.. And whenever I see people wearing a UK flag design shirt and a superman design shirt reminds me of her.. shyt I’m seriously going overboard until I myself find myself scary, ugh! Guess it’s okay as long it remains hidden? She recently was really floating in my head almost the whole time. Though I keep telling myself to focus on my finals 1^st bah~ these things can be sorted out later on. Somehow today I feel much lighter, guess I can’t let these things have the better part of me after all, I’m starting to hear the roar that used to fuel myself for going on~ haha~ I guess everything is coming back to me since everything is starting to make sense already~ anyway I just hope she is happy bah.. I mean if by being together with her will rob her of her smile then there’s just no point being with her, am I right? Even though I understand this but why I am still so crazy about her? I just don’t understand!! until one day I actually find the answer I hope she will be the 1^st one to hear it. Which reminds me she doesn’t like cheesy messages LOL aku seriously failed~ anyway she used to say this to me “CHILL LA” kinda remind me of esther she used to tell me the same thing, am I really that serious? Ugh! Face problem bah Raymond answered me, I can’t deny it bah~ she hates gentlemen ugh ok? hahaha~ fuck it! ima gonna just be myself bah~ i've gotta to stop running bah~ hahaha~ i know there's a solution out there i'll look for it after my finals bah~

Anyway everything was thanks to Raymond tan that waited for me and was willing to help sending them to McD and sending them home~ man he really is one hell of a friend~ glad I met him~ he listen to my complains most of the time until sometimes I myself oso feel pai seh dy macam wasting his time. But his just Raymond bah~ friends like him is not easily found~ steady as always :D

Don’t worry brothers if you guys ever need my help I’ll be there as long as I’m still alive!!!

i read through this post once again i seriously see how stupid i am, and how scary i am starting to become from people's point of view. anyway this is just for myself to reflect upon. and learning to appreciate the little things.

Everything comes with a price!! anyway i'm gonna put everything inside this blog and forget about the rest bah~ i don't have time to be heart broken now, i have a aim to go to UK by next year!!! OSU!!!

2nd July 2011 Shandy

2011-07-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

it was on the 28th june, my beloved shandy passed away,
i thank her for her 11 years of service to my family,
she was more than juz a pet to me, she was a family member to me.
she was so small when she joined my family, my palm was able to hold her.
she have brought lots of happiness and laughter to my family.

on the 28th june 2011 morning, when i left the house she was at her usual position resting in her basket, looking at me when i walked out of the house and i gave her the usual pat on the head and i took off. i dint notice it was the last pat i was able to give her...
later that day, in the evening about 6pm my mum called me but i was having a test so i dint answer it, after the test when i said my goodbye with my friends, i called my mum and to my horror, shandy has left us..
I was lost, i dint noe what to do or what i could do, so many things happen all at once, 1st was about my love life den now my beloved shandy. for the rest of the day i wondered around as if i've lost almost everything i ever had, i had no direction and not a drop of my passion for things remained, food tasted like shit and everything was fading.

The minute i reach home, the house looks lifeless, no one came out to greet me like,
no one was next to the door sleeping, no one was calling out for me, no one was waiting at the door for me, no one was there... before this even if i reach home 1st, she was always there to greet me, waiting for me to open the door, calling for me, and even come out to check on me.
Even now, whenever i reach home 1st, i continue to see imagines of her usual positions.
inside the house she would rest under the staircase and snores, but all that is left now was her smell and tat was also slowly fading away.

i can still remember it was my job to bath almost every saturday, and because of my assignments and responsibility, i wasn't able to bath her for the last time. i usually take out for walks, to her favorite park near my house while i myself would be on the phone or juz gasping for fresh air. I wasn't able to bring her for a walk for the last time, there were times when i talk to her about the my trouble and ask her to help me make a choice usually she'll be just looking at me as thought everything was alright.

Even though we knew that her time was near, but her departure was just still too sudden for me. but at least we did not nid to make the decision to put her to sleep. but still its just so heartbreaking.. she that was always there for me suddenly gone...

on the 29th june 2011, i went to the vet where her body was, i went to see her for the last time,
i couldn't control after seeing her body lying there motionless, those eyes which were looking at me ever since 11 years ago, was closed shut, her body was cold and stiff..

Who can i talk to from now on? who would be the one that welcome me back home?
who would go for a walk with me in the park? i miss her so much... i wish i can talk to you now, there's just so many things happening now.

i keep telling myself not to cry over spill milk, but i keep thinking of her when i'm back at home,
i know it sounds stupid for a guy like me to be missing a dog, but i don't care what heartless people think of me.

the basket which she always sleeps in, its but an empty basket now...

she would always be waiting for us to return home no matte what time it was, even during raining days she would also rush out to greet us.

rest in peace shandy, your basket will always be ready for you, and there will always be a place for you in my heart.

28th June 2011 A cooling breeze

2011-06-27T10:05:00.001-07:00

everything is more a less settle down.
she wanted me to fuck off awhile b4 actually becoming friends back,
so i'm juz trying to chill back here~
all thanks goes to lyn for showing me some very helpful pointers when i was in a pinch.
thx bro i'm much better now~
though somehow sorry to disappoint u but i just am unable to give up completely juz yet..
but i know my priorities, and i'm aiming for a better future, this love thing are secondary in my life. i'm having more time to rest and chill since talentime night was over, but i'll be spenting it by studying, to reach my dream of studying in UK by next september, i'm willing to give up everything to go there even her.
the hateful and agony still is crawling in my heart its not gonna get me so easily as b4 dy.
anyhow its all better dy~
please continue to give me the strength to face everyday with the best of myself!!!

the prove that i'm still crazy

22th June 2011 Confused

2011-06-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

this case is just so freaking complicated wei~!!!
today's problem is more a less the same but,
i got her to reply me on facebook, i asked her why she din't reply my sms and she said she has no credit anymore,
well not that i wanna doubt her but last time xin yuan also use this excuse to dodge saying she doesn't wanna reply.
and yes i did a FUCKING STUPID mOVE BY ASKING HER THAT!!!
RIGHT AFTER I DID SHE POSTED A WHOLE PAGE FULL OF THE WORD "FUCK"
AND SHE ASK ME FOR SOMETIME ALONE.
I'M SO FUCKING STUPID FOR POSTING SO MANY THINGS ON FACEBOOK!!!
FUCK YOU FACEBOOK!!!!

21th June 2011 Running too fast

2011-06-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

These few days, i was really under the weather.
whenever i think about her, whenever i see her fb profile,
i feels like its about to stop, am i that weak?
i just help see that i myself has started to become boring and she's not one bit interested in me dy.
she posted :

I thought we could; but in fact we can't; thanks so much for everything; we're better off close friend. :o

right after i send her home on saturday, my heart was completely crushed,
i tried to get it off my mind and to think that the possibility of her referring to another person,
but some how it dint connect.

Sunday i tried to get things of my mind, i tried to sleep it off dint work, i tried to play dota to clear my mind it dint work at all even though it was my 1st time being the top scorer, i tried to go jogging to clear my mind it work for awhile but i came back again, then i tried to sms her, to find her reply me at 11pm while i sms her about 8am, okay mayb she was busy~ but after she replied she posted:

takde initiative nak reply pun. next time dont ask why complaint. there's always reasons. its whether you understand ke tak. ugh, tido.

another death blow to my heart. I completely fell into despair until now i dun even dare to sms her dy, i saw her a few time in college though, but i dun dare to call out to her, she seems so far dy. i wonder was tis distance already here? or did it just gotten longer? some many thought were running through my mind that night i couldn't sleep until i had to use my mp3 to put me to sleep.

Yesterday night, i was really an my limit, having to work with and unable to communicate with her like we used to, really felt so painful. after i shared with raymond and kent, they pointed out to me that i was too careful and more space for trial and error should be allocated, and the main point is that i was running too fast, too hasty to see the outcome, mayb she was right lets start off as friends 1st. i wont give up just yet, i wan to give it my all so that even though i fail, i wont regret that i dint try my best rather i wasn't good enough for her.

Her smile that i really love cannot be compared to others.
u will always be in my heart even though i may not be given a space.
it's okay...

18th June 2011 Restless heart

2011-06-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since I've update this blog.
i was busy with all the Talentime nite preparation and sponsor hunting process.
i like to be busy so i wont think of any unnecessary things like my love life.
but during these times, i was struck by it again,
though she's not as pretty as what my friends always look at, but she's just the type i like
hard working, she's simple, she gives off a bright radiance with a very dear fragrance, a smile that is able to melt my heart every time i see it an big watery eyes which of cause i dun have but she's perfect to me at least since I'm not perfect i wont ask her to perfect also,anyway these matters can be discuss after she is willing to accept me into her life.
well I'm still trying to understand her better whether is she the person i really think she is.
i know these things are no walk in a park and can be very complicate which it is already in my head, I'm praying very hard that i don't make the same mistake as i did long time ago,
comparing and thinking too much are the 2 enemies I'll have to win against.

though I've made up my mind that i will not bring this matter up until, i get at least 3.0++ gpa
to find my ambition and have a clear look of my own future before i will proceed, i know time doesn't wait for anyone, so time is short for me dy. please give me the strength and discipline to carry on and to fulfill this. at least she is clear of her own future. and I'm still kinda lost in my own mind. until then I'll continue to put on a smile even though my heart is still very restless but I've gotta give it my all.

13th April 2011

2011-04-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

About Time To Put An End To This Conflict

29th March 2011 The Dawn of WAR(Exams)

2011-03-31T04:29:00.000-07:00

Last few weeks TAR College has just declared a full scale war against all tarcians,
every morning i hear the beat of the drum on the battlefield as the days draws close,
as we make our final preparations for the coming battle.
The field was filled with soldiers, sharping their weapons, studying tactics and some writing their death wish.
It is a fight for what is right and what is wrong, a fight in what you believe in.
how many will perish? how many will prevail?

i'm just screwing around before the exams :D

24th March 2011 Target lost

2011-03-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

Been a bit out of the mood recently,
not being very motivated to move or to go the extra mile.
usually when i'm in this condition i'll always look at the picture sitting on my desk.
but that picture is the thing that is bothering me now.
In that picture is my target, my motivation to go the extra mile.
but now its gone, taken by someone else...
I feel very lost because i dunno what to do now, i've lost my colors and direction
i've always aim at that target no matter what i do, it happened so suddenly.

it was as though something has cracked inside of my,
the sharp pain going through my heart every time i am remind of that dream.
I wish for the best and yet there is still this bitter feeling inside of me.
of all time this happen, just right before my finals...

I wont just give up so easily, even though I've lost my way.
Cause I believe in the tomorrow that my God bless me.
But i'm sure i'll get back up, i don't care if i have to start from square one.
As long as there is still a tomorrow, i and still change things.
Or even things may seems unchangeable,
i'll just have to give myself a good smacking until i wake up.
I've just lost my way in this race,
but if i just continue running i might just be able to reach the end.
I just time a little time to get back on my feet,
and this recovery time will show how much i have grow.

P.S: What unpleasant things that is written in this blog stays in this blog
25/3/11 case closed

1st March 2011 That familiar Stranger

2011-02-28T01:02:00.001-08:00

Although this happened quite sometime ago but i said i'll blog it for the sake of my self reflection and learning.

There was this time where i felt that the people around me are very plastic even though i try hard to blend into their style and interests, and one of the few was the 3 BISHOPS, their acting and talking are just so plastic and just talking to them i feel stress because their words are giving all sorts of sharp objects and meaning which make me feel like a stranger to all my friends.

Actually during one point i was noting down almost everything they say and kept quiet to watch and see. Honestly i don't like this feeling, its like everyone i was knew were plastic people and i was just a FAMILIAR STRANGER that's always sticking around them. I'm really sick of all the fake smile i give them and tired from all their indirect talking. this was one of the reason i choose to gave up our yum cha session and find something to fill in my time. honestly out of the 3 there is one that is just too fake to me, he pops out from no where and kicks me out.I'm Fed up~

Anyhow i'll just walk my way as the title i'm given and slowly walking out of this friendship which i once was interested in. Anyway sound so stupid for me to be saying this but i'll just say it~ forgive me~ i'm just starting to be the familiar stranger that you all wanted so much and don't blame if i don't give a shit about you problems.
There just so many things going through my mind at one time and other time my mind is blank.
How i wish i can have a thoughts eater to eat up all my thoughts and just let me forget everything.

Damn by just writing this also spoil my mood~

Sound stupid yet this is just for my self reflection and learning purpose~

1/3/11 case closed

9th February 2011 Dear Friend

2011-02-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

Its just passed Chinese new year~
had a wonderful time back at Ipoh with my family~
my uncle's family and my auntie's family

During this holiday i tried to called a few friends, wished them and even sms some~
made me remember things tat happened last year around the same time.
There is this friends tat i used to be very closed with~
she wasn't the smartest girl in class but she is smart in her own ways
she wasn't the prettiest girl in class but she is pretty in her own ways
she wasn't the brightest girl in class but she is bright in her own ways
she wasn't the loudest girl in class but she is loud at sometimes
and she carries a very dear fragrance around her wherever she go.
I got to know her when we were in form 1, and i DINT talk to her face to face until form 4
it was when i notice she had some illness, i started to pay more attention to her.
slowly slowly we got to know each other more.

It was during form5 i would hang out in her house after skul from time to time.
slowly i started to have feelings for her, not knowing how she thought of me.
She gave me a ring on my birthday and since then i've been wearing everyday.
Until last year 1st of January i took her out for count down, tat was when i confessed to her.
nevertheless she dint gave me an answer and i waited~
as days goes by i felt tat i was progressing and she did told me there was a love rival for me.
somehow on my side i kept thinking tat i wasn't good enuff yet so i made constant reminder to change my attitude my ways.
but i was wrong she dint like the new me..
she liked the old me and she avoided me at some point.
i was in despair not knowing how to fill in the blank in between us.
and while in my despair, she told me she coupled wif tat rival
i was in pieces broken and lost
but fortunately i was still working and some of my friends advice me and i took this positively
and was also due to my children that has taught me how to smile again.

Soon i when to national service leaving everything behind, my job, my children, my life and her.
during national service i constant found myself thinking of her and what had happened
but the other part of me had took myself to quit thinking of those leave everything behind
and juz focus on whats happening in national service, cause before i left she told me that my greatest weakness is that i think too much and after thinking i feared the possible results which i find is very true. the 3 months in national service flew passed i was back here. but i wasn't able to find a reason to text her though i still had some feelings for her.

As time went on about sometime last year November i suddenly found the valor to texted her and i had a yum cha session wif her~
after hearing what happened to her,
due to a change of events she broke up wif her present boy friend,
honestly speaking after i heard this i was a happy knowing tat mayb i can have another chance
but unfortunately she has completely sealed her heart and the brightness of her was slowly fading... i really wanted to help as to help her not to be so negative and think positive for change.
i've tried but somehow she gave me a feelings as though she has given up to pursuit happiness...

i really that this friend doesn't give up to pursuit happiness..
i really want to her happy i guess.
as for me nothing matters anymore, it doesn't has to be me to help her pursuit happiness
but i juz hope she don't stop and don't entertain negative thoughts as she is doing now...
all of this is just what i felt when i talked to her, i hope i'm wrong and i hope she can the way she used to be..

She hardly ever allowed me to take a photo of her so this is the best i have.

28th January 2011 IU a.k.a Lee Ji Eun

2011-01-27T17:32:00.000-08:00

One The cutest and most talented korean singer i've seen so far~
she can dance and can sing~ and most of all she's cute~

IU debuted on September 24, 2008 with her first mini-album, Lost and Found, in which she was praised by various Korean artists and critics for her strong vocals portrayed in the title track, "Missing Child". However, the album was not commercially successful. It wasn't until her comeback that she succeeded on breaking into the mainstream. On April 16, 2009, IU launched her first full album, titled Growing Up, with the lead promotional number, "Boo." Within three weeks, "Boo" went up to the #1 contenders for SBS Inkigayo, and her name also went up twice on Take 7 together with other notable artists like SG Wannabe and Younha. The song also did well on KBS Music Bank K-Chart, on Mnet M!Countdown chart, and on various online music charts.

And her most recently album would be "real" which was released on december 9th 2010
and has 14,000+ (Still Charting) sales!

31th Decemeber 2010 The Closing of the year of begins

2010-12-31T03:23:00.000-08:00

The Ending of my year of begins~
A list To wrap up wad happened this year~:

My 1st time working as kindergarten teacher
My 1st time going to national service(and oso my last time~)
My 1st time entering College
My 1st time college examination
My 1st time Doing homework
My1st time winning a gold medal for life-toll swimming
My 1st time wearing jeans
My 1st time burning lab equipments just the fuse though~
My 1st time Doing revision before exams
My 1st time building a robot
My 1st time Dying my hair
My 1st time Cutting my hair bald
My 1st time Playing water polo
My 1st time being Ernest..

It was a Fun 2010 and year of begins
And juz before coming to a close~
My long Lost brothers and Sisters was found on facebook~

I had always searched for them online and was really hoping tat one day i would be able to come in contact wif them, Even though i used to be the nerd who always got his ass kicked in class, but i still do have some good memories about my past~ It was then when i really knew about the meaning of friends. When i was in Ipoh a lot of unpleasant things happen but my best friend really did stood by my side, they never left me not once!

That's why i really wanted to meet them again if i can, I'm planning a trip back to Ipoh to meet them. And even though i still haven seen tat certain someone which i wan to see how tat someone would look like now and how much tat someone had change but I'm hoping i can find that certain someone in some of my lost brothers and sisters picture. I owe that certain someone a lot for being my strength when i 1st came to kl.

My brother Ng Wen Bin One of the best friends you'll only come across over a 100 hundred years. It has been 6 years since i lost contact wif them and finally i found them~ I was really happy that i could seriously jump over the moon, i had never been so happy ever in my whole life~ No word can express how happy i am now.

Now whats left is the beginning of 2011 and the year of Challenges
To start things off My finals begins on the 6th of January~
And that's the 1st boulder I've have to overcome.

31/12/2010 Case Closed

24th December 2010 Wishing Everyone a Blessed Christmas

2010-12-24T03:21:00.000-08:00

Me ,Dinesh and Mile we're from the swimming club~ awesome swimmers they are and awesome water polo players too.

My nasional Service brothers Kenny And Jacky~ dun mind the pose its to show our brotherly love~ :D

Me,Daren And Kenny~ Daren the joker~ haha~ his a even bigger joker than me~ somehow my jokes dont really stand out when i'm wif them~ coz they're epic~

My college mates Alex and Chanchai~ We had been helping each other out since last sem~ awesome people to be with.

Edwin(dai lou), Me and chanchai~ we took this when we was about to finish our robotic arm~ Epic buddies~ haha~

A blessed Christmas to all my friends~

well its been awhile since i last updated my blog~
Alot had happened and i was abit lazy to find the time to update it~
anyhow i have the to mood to update it so here it is~

the above pictures are juz about wad happened during the previous months~
Since i joined the swimming club i've got dark really quickly almost darker than when i was in nasional service.

I recently juz had a gathering wif my nasional service brothers and sisters~ it was an awesome time out wif them. was hyper super hyper when i'm wif them, somehow i feel more at easy when i'm will them makes me feel like ya this is where is missed the most. And they are my motivation for me to push myself~ i really love them~ haha~ even though they dun really noe how much i appreciate them but hey~ my dad once told me:

What the right does, the left hand should not know~

so i dont mind~ anyway some things are best to be hidden and taken to the grave wif me~ :D

24.12.2010 case closed

7th December 2010 The Break up Club

2010-12-06T07:40:00.001-08:00

I watch this movie yesterday night, its known as "the breakup club"
it has quite an interesting storyline~ consider a slice of life~
the actress oso leng lui~ so not bad bah~
This movie is quite realistic as it shows you the ups and downs of a relationship and how a third person can actually comes in and take away your partner.
Things like this do happen and its actually hard to point the finger at who is actually wrong though.
There is no good or evil... only thinking makes it so..
exactly hat shake spears said, i find it quite true.
overall its an awesome movie try and watch it if you have the time, it might teach you a thing or 2~

29th September 2010 The furthest end

2010-09-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

How is it over there?
Surely it's a place where I don't know
A letter would be nice
Give me a word or two so
I'll know you are doing well

Opening the door and heading
Toward you but I cannot do anything
so I hope at least this song or prayer
reaches you deep inside of your heart

Not one cloud in the clear blue sky
Not one method to hide my tear is given
The day to end has come
Now I cannot say anything to you
Ordinary day yes it was
But then you colored my black and white life to red
It was such a small graceful love
yes it was a small grace full love so now
Goodbye

If I can belive that someday we can meet again
that will be my strength
we will spend the days like it was before
till then I will sing this song for you

If the door closes
We'd be apart forever I cannot bear
You will ever know my feelings
You will be from a dark cloud to the rain

Ordinary day yes it was
But then you colored my black and white life to red
It was such a small graceful love
yes it was a small grace full love so now

Sayonara

7th September 2010 Because you are here.

2010-09-07T02:01:00.000-07:00

Because you suddenly said
"Its alright to cry"
I was somehow happy and smiled without a tear

Unfortunately I have hurt you with clumsy words
Nevertheless you never left me
But kept supporting me in this way even now

Surely...
the wishes and dreams I want to fulfill,
all the feelings I want to send out
that in which I keep believing, summons a miracle
and will be connected to the future
I want to watch over you, always, yes, always
Dear, my friend

Because you told me "you'll be alright"
at the time of our parting
The loneliness I felt disappeared beautifully with that single word

Opening a new door is something everyone is afraid of, but
when I remember how you've always encouraged me, I'm filled with strength

I won't surrender my honest feelings
All these honest words
If I can convey them with my words, the future will extend out
Because you are in my heart forever, yes, forever
Dear my friend

Even if I seem to stop or forget
I vow that I will always keep moving forward
The sky above is shining a light until the day I meet you

The wishes and dreams I want to fulfill,
all the feelings I want to send out
that in which I keep believing, summons a miracle
and will be connected to the future
I want to watch over you, always, yes, always
Dear, my friend

26th august 2010 The missing part

2010-08-26T00:32:00.000-07:00

Inside my head I can hear your voice
Even now, my heart is fluttering
In my memories, youre always there
Smiling softly

One day, we were going home together
Laughing as we held each others hands
I felt that it would go on forever
Your lasts words [Thank you for everything]
Continues to echo

I want to see you, the voice thats no longer there
I keep on calling out your name
Such sorrow, such pain
The lonely night scares me
I look up to the sky
searching for you

Im still wearing the ring that you gave
This was the last promise the two of us made
In the faraway world you are in now
Are you still wearing your ring?

Someday, Ill send you the thoughts and feelings
That have always lain asleep deep in my heart
To wherever youre watching over me from
This song, I sing for you

I want to see you, the voice thats no longer there
I keep on calling out your name
Such sorrow, such pain
The lonely night scares me
I look up on to the sky

Ill never ever forget
About how much I love you
No matter how much I change inside

In the end I was able to convey
These words I wanted to send you

25th August 2010 Once upon a time

2010-08-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today marks the beginning of my finals,
I was barely able to wake up this morning to make it for the 1st paper.
Due to my disturbing ceiling fan making noises that kept me awake for almost the whole night.
I dragged myself up knowing that today is a big day somehow it feels like something big is happening. While driving to college i was trying hard to remember whatever I've studied yesterday, its a lousy subject which I guess probably no one likes it but everyone has to take this subject. Hubungan etnik cant the government make us waste our brain cells on another subject that has some sense of future in it?
Overall the exam was quite okay. Dint really have any big problems with the questions thank God for that even though I only studied less 3 hours.

As promised I met up with Fly to go for a meal at McD, I 1st thought of eating some where near tawakal hospital there cause I'm a bit fed up with the place we usually eat.
Ate quite a bit, some how my capacity has greatly reduced, what's wrong with me?
Its really not like me to fill full so easily. Don't really know why and is it a good thing or a bad thing, probably going to a buffet its really a good choice anymore.

case closed 25/8/2010

16th August 2010 I'm back

2010-08-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

Recently, i was having quite a tough time trying to catch up wif my college work
sumhow, it wasn't as easy as i thought it was.
And i'm starting to lose interest in my course which isn't sumthing good.

Yesterday fiona, wei wei, raymond, issac, joel, samuel, and yuh yang decided to celebrate gracy's bday~
And i tagged along too, it was fun fooling around wif them~ luaghing wif them doing stupid things oso la
I was really hyper~ It was really a nice trip~ i hope gracy had a nice bday too~

Today right after lunch wif aaron's family,
i received a call from Lim asking me whether or not to hang out wif pei pei and her in midvalley~
well i said yes and went out wif them~ Was fun hanging out wif the and i really missed them alot too.
Pei Pei as usual was cheerful juz like her and lim was oso the same old cool looking lim~
Really miss them~
Walk around looking at clothes most of the time~ Took a few photos wif them too~
Well it was juz us only though, but we had fun la~ And sumhow gracy spotted me wif them = =

After all of these outings i've finally notice and more like remembered tat i muz work hard some how~
Pei pei is doing her best in college handing up assignments day after day and having 2 hours sleep everyday.
while Lim is struggling wif her form 6 exams too, I know its not easy, but they can be and they here~ wif me today~
Still the same them smiling and laughing together wif me. And i look back at myself...
i look pathetic!!! What da HECK was wrong wif me?
I'm really motivated to study and charge ahead. Thanks guys i owe u 1~
Some their words oso encourage me.
I will do my best!!

Somehow i really appreciate this outings~
I nearly lost my heart again...
Thanks for reminding me again.
u all are my motivation!!!

Case Closed 16/8/2010

14th August 2010 Update

2010-08-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Its been quite awhile since i've post anything.
Was in the mood to do so and dint really have the time to do so too~
Haha~ well here i am posting sumthing~

I've been quite busy will all my course work and reports recently
well~ that wad u get from last minute work~
but tats the onli way to confirm the answer la~
Well, as usually i'm one of the not very bright students in class but still hanging on some how~
Thank god for tat~
I hope i will do better and improve coz i'm sure i wont survive long if i continue like tis.

A lot has happen recently~ will both good and bad la~
but whether is good or bad is oso another question xD
I've witness a lot of anger and hatred going around.
Well i myself oso was caught in sum of those activities,
It was on this one day, there's this very arrogant guy tat i've met,
Sumhow i was given a choice whether to stick or not wif this guy but i try to myself out of trouble
but sumhow, by juz talking to this guy pisses me off onli i saw the future 5minits me bashing tat jerk up.

Mayb i'm too sensitive? could be~
mayb his jokes sucks? Possibly~
my fault~ totally~

Well, I'll work on myself more, but sumhow seriously i wish i wont have to continue to stick to hang out tat guy. T~T
I've promise my daughter i wont do anything stupid.
So i'll juz let things slide for the mean while though until i find a proper way to deal wif him~

And then recently my daughter's friend's Ex; wow long name for him i'll call him Nutcase.
A little intro on kind of a guy nutcase is:
1. play boy
2. say somthing but can do it
3. nvr keeps to his word
4. Very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very good liar
5. his quite good wif his mouth but 90% is bullshit
---> example: he goes around telling the world on CNN he got 9As for Spm but in fact he onli took 8 subjects and his result barely pass the college requirement more like he was lacking a Credit

Well nutcase is sum1 i actually know. dint really like him, well even my daughter oso dun like him. Well nutcase has been posting some very stupid and selfish posts on his blog.
Tat really cause my daughter and her to get pissed off, i too am pissed off coz how can sumone like him write such a thing about ppl? He himself is one of the worst quality ppl i've ever known and there he is flaming ppl saying how sucky they are. Go kiss some bull shit la i'll give to him.
I feel like talking to him in person, and giving him a piece of my mind.
Why can ppl juz accept the fact tat no one is perfect and it is no one's fault a relationship ends?
When a relationship ends it onli mean tat you 2 are not meant for each other, or if the parting reason was sumthing else then plz consider that too. relationship is not sumthing based on one side, its sumthing tat u muz consider both side. Well i oso noe how to talk onli haha~
Even though my daughter wont allow me to do so, but hey~ no harm trying rite? haha~

I'm not the type to sit around and point fingers de. ACTION!!!
well as usual~ come with the wind go with the wind style~
And brothers and sisters~ ATTENTION!!!!
I DUN HAVE TAT SPECIAL HER YET, IF IT IS MY DESTINY TO MEET HE SO SOON
THEN LET IT BE~ BUT I HAVEN MET HER YET~ SO PLS I'M SERIOUSLY NOT LYING LA~

Case Close

27.07.2010 A very Happy Birthday~

2010-07-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

A very HAppy Birthday to Man Ching~
haha dun so moody la~ i wont forget ur birthday de~

HAppy Birthday To Ah Bo, My best friend since 2006 til now~
Lai Dota La NOOB!!!

13th July 2010 Rain

2010-07-12T10:19:00.001-07:00

July’s lies and the truth in front of my eyes are put away in sepia tones
Nestling close to one another, warmth; I don’t understand those things anymore

“You’ll be fine on your own… right?” you said, forcing it upon me and then you said goodbye
If it’s going to be that kind of consolation then I should be tired of hearing it by now

Endlessly ringing; the merciless memories seem to have no intention of forgiving me
If I close my eyes they will only grow surrounding me at a distance; your laugh

Will the rain ever stop, I wonder? For a pretty long time now it’s been cold
Why does the rain choose to fall on me? Why does it choose me who has nowhere to escape to?

Time intrudes on the new morning I finally found
The direction I face is not the future, I kept chasing after the past

You, who gave me a new start by your consolations and the hateful and cowardly me
It’s about time… Fumbling, my troubles spill down my tired cheeks

Eyes that don’t want to know the past and fingers that can wash it all away
Scars heal at a gentle pace; at an unreachable distance that seems to be within reach

Will the rain ever stop, I wonder? For a pretty long time now it’s been cold
Why does the rain choose to fall on me? I wonder if it’s okay to let it cover me

The rain keeps on falling today as well knowing no end
While we quietly nestle together under the umbrella I hold

5th July 2010 Wake up wake up!!!

2010-07-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

Today was the deadline for my E&E assignment which consist of 6 questions
3 require multisim to completed.
The days b4 today i knew i muz do my assignment but sumhow i dint get tat " ernest this is serious isuue faster finish it before its too late" feeling. So i took my time and still continue to mess around almost everyday.

It was until today when i actually started to rush to complete the assignment very rush and copying my friend's answer sumhow dint feel very good, it wasn't good at all it sucked hard but i had no choice i juz copied. It saw the lecturer's face i knew he was dead serious and sumhow i felt like i juz woke up to say tat shit wad had i've been doing? I sat down back at my seat listening to my headphones slowly slowly realize that i've juz made myself into a fool...

What was i doing? Am i still dreaming? I know my heart is left back at camp but i'm really clueless now..

4th July 2010 Let it all out

2010-07-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Let it all out, Let it all out
You needn't put on a brave face
The flowers that someone doodled on the wall is swaying

No one know what it means to be like yourself
Along a long, long road you lose some and gain some
Though you get lonely suddenly and there are days when you cry

Change the tears and pain into the stars
Let's ignite a light to light up tomorrow
Let the two of us put our small hands together and make them
Let search for stardust and a bright shining eternity

Let it all out, Let it all out
There’s a lot of things you lack, aren’t there?
But it’s ok to be lacking – that’s how I met you in the first place

You wanted to know exactly what tomorrow was
You had a little knife hidden in your sock
But putting on a brave face and telling the lie hurt so much more

I know that you might be scared but you will keep moving forward
The meaning behind your smile is playing in the wind
We need to stay together and we need to help each other out
So we can keep searching for that star that shines brightest in the sky

What should we do if what we thought was right turns out to be wrong?
We can only accept that some truths will cause us sorrow
I thought I had lost it But you knew all along
I’m so thankful you were there

We’ll turn all the tears and all the pain into stars
We’ll light the light that brightens our tomorrow
Let’s hold up our hands and together make
Stardust For the forever that shines powerfully

There may come a day when we have to say goodbye
As seasons come and seasons go
Even if we get a little lost I’m walking I’m walking with you
And that won’t change no matter what

2nd July 2010 Restlessness

2010-07-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

It feels kind of pathetic that I'm feeling so troubled
I couldn't stand still so I ran

What do I want to do? There's nothing.
I snuck up to the rooftop, to catch a breeze.
Today's city lights were boring filled with restlessness
My friends watch me with worried eyes
"I'm not crying" I spit out
but it really sucks having to act tough.
A street that I'm used to walking
I finally got an ipod
Some cheap rap that has no meaning
I'm carrying a bag that feels heavy for some reason
A place that should feel warm to me
I open a window to let out that dark air
I'm about to be crushed by the pressure
so I retreat to the park I always go to

Worrying that everything might break
I fear tomorrow
But I know that I won't find any answers
by looking at the day after tomorrow

In this limited amount of time
I'll try to draw myself
That's all I need for now

18th June 2010 The long dream

2010-06-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

Its been almost a week after i went back to camp segari for the closing of siri7 kumpulan 2

On the 10 june 2010, i picked up Pei Xuan and Bl from kepong ktm station and started our journey to bidor 1st~

Awesome journey we were laughing and chating the whole and even singing at some point.

After we've reach bidor, we met Ah pan's parents and took off to ipoh after tat.

We had our lunch at ipoh white coffee~ Soon after tat we went to pick up Ah pan from his hostel.

I overshot his hostel but then sumhow his dad saw me and came after me..

kinda scary as if he followed us and knew our position. But no worries their awesome ppl~

it was a straight road to camp but then i stopped at giant to buy treats for my brothers at camp

When we reach camp, Pei Xuan was really excited till almost started screaming haha~

Can understand why though~ I was excited too, I've really missed my brothers in camp.

When i finally got to see them haha~ I felt the blood rush~ miss them so much~

Mayb it wasn't really on my face tat day but i was very happy to be able to see them all~

Until at night after dinner, We all went to the kolam to have our last swimming class together~ And we brought coke along~ we dump all 12 cans of coke and 2 cans of 100plus and everyone got one can we started to shake the can and we open the can together and bath ourselves in coke~ haha~ 1st time doin such thing~ but it was fun though~ and while we're having fun half Kj had to annnouce to meet us.. party pooper~

After tat the night session was every companies last performance.

After tat was the sharing of the prize we got~ haha~ company bravo got no1 for overall!!!

haha~ Awesome night~ we starting taking pictures wif everyone~ until we were chased back to our dorm. But it was ok~ we had fun ever back dorm~

12th june 2010 The rain of departure

Everyone was getting emotional about leaving each others and we're still taking photos together

for the memories in our own memory collection..

Pei Xuan cried until her eyes were so red it look kinda scary though, she can scared anybody de la~ haha~ I dint cried until the last part where daren was about to board the bus...

The rush of tears suddenly came kinda heart breaking see them leaving one by one though tat bus window..

But until the End i still belive we'll meet again... Someday somehow~

What are our chances? haha~

3rd June 2010 Happy Birthday to HanHan and sio

2010-06-02T17:44:00.001-07:00

Happy birthday SIo~

Happy birthday Hanhan~

BOth wif the same date of birth~

Both my best friend~

Both please enjoy ur day~

And wishing BOth a vERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

30th May 2010 No more reservation

2010-05-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

Ever since I came back from camp,
I felt tat sumthing was missing, it wasn't a bad thing though tat was what i felt.
Probably, its bcoz i've been away for too long and it was misplace?
Or is it tat i left tat thing back at camp?
I never bothered trying to find it..
I guessed i was prepared to lose it.

I lost my heart to actually start a relationship or to improve in my love life.
it was a big deal to me before but sumhow none of these mattered anymore..
I used to be bothered by it..
So is it good tat i've lost tat kind of attitude?
Now all i wan to is juz to go wif the flow and follow through my college life.
Sumhow i think i'm not really prepared for these things..

So no more reservations ler~
JUZ GO WITH THE FLOW!!!

Some pictures tat i've editted~

24th May 2010 Day out

2010-05-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Had an awesome day out with the gang~

Even though i juz went out wif them on saturday

but it feels great and fun to be hanging out wif them.

We went to this park known as sentul park

for japanese food and this beautiful scenery

Food for the eyes~ haha~

We're snapping photos where ever we went,

until sum fat basket from no where came out to spoil the party.

He came to say tat no photos within the park.

Screw him la~ everyone was taking photos everywhere,

So why us?

After tat basket showed up,

we lost our mood and decided to go the curve

and let the ladies do the shopping~

It was a very enjoyable day..

But sumhow i dun really feel the same compared to last time

have i change tat much?

Or is it tat they had change?

I feel so out of place, its like I dun belong here..

Or is it tat i've been thinking too much?

I dunno know..

Was going to camp such a big affect to my life?

Whats the changes?

And what are my chances?

Took a nice shot from behind~

Model of the day HanHan~

22nd May 2010 My journey ends here

2010-05-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

In dorm~

A pictures of all the buddies i hang out with most of the time. All from company Bravo and alpha.

HOw my camp looks like

I"m back

Was a very fun and learning exprience for me in nasional service.

But i thank god for giving me a chance to learn

I've made alot of new friends, seen alot of new people

And how to deal wif different people.

WAs a very sad day when i left the camp.

Seeing off my friends and hugging them b4 i departed

Going back home to me dint really matter anymore

since there is onli about another 3 weeks b4 everything really ends

And i wont be able to return there anymore...

But on the other hand its good to be back.

To see my family members and to know how are they doin~

Once in awhile reminisce of my life in ns will float my mind.

Miss my friends in the camp

And really would like to lend my hand to them if anything happens
Well i'll try to help them in anyway i can from here.

After all of this i'll be starting my college life soon

VEry soon~

Well i will be seeing sum of my fellow camp mates in the same college though~

Anyway Juz do my best~

1st May 2010 Back to camp

2010-04-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for ipoh as soon as i finish this post,

I bought the 3pm train so i should reach ipoh around 6pm

Its a long journey but i think i can adapt to it.

Its my journey after all.

There is a whole list of things i must compete b4 my return.

Slim down
at least 4 pax
a person tat is able to adapt to any situation
exit my limits in both physical and mental
come back home in one piece

Tat should be all i guess these are the main thing i wan to compete.

And to be a much more understand person and patience is wad i really wan.

I thank you all my friends for caring for me and went out to yum cha wif me

Don't worry though Ns is not as tough as u think~

I will be back~!!!

I wont do anything stupid b4 competing my promises.

Chances?

The Ns gang~ They are there i know it

28th april 2010 I'm back

2010-04-28T01:41:00.000-07:00

This is the gang tat i hang out wif from the left is wai sing, me, amir and Ah boon
From the left Ah boon, vilmaren and me
Vilmaren is almost 70% chinese coz of his attitude

From the left me, nick, ken, i cant remember his name = = and then theres mai

From the left Ah Pent, me, daren. yap and teng chung

I'm Back from Ns

But its onli for 5 days den i'll be on my way back to the camp.

Its not long but it good enuff for me to catch wif sum friends and family members.

What have i been doin in NS?

not much exercise day and nite so tat i can keep my promise.

chatting on the phone when i have the chance and going hyper wif the gang.

We're a very rowdy bunch but we have our qualities~

Had Been swimming in the kolam for quite a few days b4 we came back~

All in all i thank god for this chance to be able to go for NS

And I'm really enjoying my stay in Ns

I promised myself to take every chance tat presents itself in front of me.

But sumhow i dun think i'm doin my part..

Juz another episode of me reflecting on the things i've done.

chances?

11 april 2010 Departure

2010-04-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Just got my comfirmation of going ns tis tuesday.
Well i'll be goin to perak, my home town i hope ipoh still welcome me..
Ipoh was the place of mistakes and learning.
I've made plenty of mistakes and most of it had help to made the person i am today.

I'll be leaving for ipoh tomorrow, and i'll begin my national service on sunday.
I hope i'll make used of time properly while i'm inside there serving.
There pros and cons to this national service from where i see it.
I gave up my children for this, so tat i can get it over with asap.
whats waiting on the other side after i walk out of my national service?

Simple, my nai ma and gang will be there coz we're goin sungkai.
next, ah fung and eng keat will be greeting me wif a smile ( my dear brothers)
next, aaron wong will be exchange blows wif me in court.
lastly, i'll collect my ring.. if you are still reading this then please be prepared for my return
coz i wan back my brother;y ring tat i entrusted to you. Its my time of growth.

Forgive me if i speak too arrogantly
But this is juz another episode of me..
I'm out~ xD
Laugh and grow FAT!! haha~

Chances?

31st march 2010 Thoughts..

2010-03-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

I was told not thinking so much..

This happen quite alot of times in the past.

alot of misunderstand was cause by my over use of thinking.

how do i actually don't care?

Why do i thinkk so much? is it because i'm scare of wad may happen?

Or am i juz scare of the word "possibility" ?

What is this "possibility" that i'm so scared of?

Possibility holds no limits tat wad i think,

as long as there is even 0.000000000001% that sumthing may occur,

Then it may happen.. tat is possibility..

.
.

Haven really been myself ever since tat happen.

Have i lost myself to the fear tat was consume myself?

How to do i find back my way?

How do i stand up again?

How do i fight for myself once more?

Have I died?

26th march 2010 Last day working at little inventor

2010-03-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

The day right after the dinner wif the gang.
its my last day teaching in little inventor.
Was doin the normal work as usual.
In the morning i greet all the my children, somehow when the other teachers remind me tat it was my last, i dint feel anything at all~

Seeing my children and taching them knowing tatit will be the very last time i will be seeing them. everything was ok until the clock strikes 5 and i had to get back to the office to do sum office work. I was still carrying yee xuan when i had to put her down.
i suddenly felt tat i really wan to continue to work here.

And will much resistance i put her down and waving bye bye to her~
Her innocence and chubby smile was oso saying bye bye to me.

Slowly as the clock slowly moves to 6 i said goodbye to t.wong

and soon seeing off my children one by one~

I really wont forget this working exprience, as i really enjoy working here.
I thank god for giving me the chance to work here and meeting ppl of different faces.

my daughter shin jie xD

from the left yi xing, xin tong and shin jie

shin jie and yoon jae

from the left shin jie, xi wei and xue rou

My baby yee xuan~ xD

25th march 2010 Dinner at korean restoran

2010-03-29T02:41:00.000-07:00

Its was the last week i was working in little inventor
oso the week right after the annual lunch.
While joking and fooling around in the office while oour boss wasn't around.
Suddenly evon suggested that we have our dinner at a korean restoran right after work.
Not a bad idea after all~ xD
At they thought was juz us but then i invited my nai ma~
Then slowly t.On, Sam and lastly Vivian.
We reach there around 8 though we said 7.30pm
Forgive us coz we're malaysians~
Yaya blame it on the society~ haha~ tat how we do things~

I left my house at around 7.30pm to fetch my nai ma,
while in the mean time sam was there waiting for us.
slowly we found our way to desa park city.
When we reach there sio and sam were waiting there.
the next person to arrive was evon and jennifer
and then t.On plus her bf ah kent.
Lastly was Vivian of coz she was last due to the short notice.
We ate and luagh til we were full. 1st after the meal we wanted to have a walk at the park but due to rain we found ourselves sitting in secret recipe chatting and eating cakes~
sorry dint take any picture there to as evidence~ xD
The one very person which we tried our best to drag along wasn't here was the one and onli Connie!! Always dodging the bullet~ no la i belive she has her reasons de~
We're teachers~ of coz we're understanding~ xD
Ish humble humble~

Had a wonderful dinner to find myself knowin more about each others life and forgetting my past slowly. Wad makes us so different? sumtimes this question bugs me alot.
To think of an answer to satisfy my own curiosity, mayb it was our belives which really build us up, mayb it was the different life style we're having?
Anyway if everyone was the same it won't be tat interesting~
All together there 9 of us there tat day~
An Awesome day~
all thanks and praises go to god~

WAds wrong wif my slippers? = =

Vivian said it spoiled my outfit

My nai ma(han han) was so hungry and wasn't able to control herself after seeing the spoon

so she is helping herself with the spoon~

Salad leaf to wrap the side dishes, Which i threw in almost everything in it

Salad leaf Fan!!!!

T.On and my nai ma~

Sam's evil grin of death~!!!

My nai ma looks satisfied after eating the spoon~ :P

A Group photo of the day~ though we're missing sumone~

haha~ Vivian was our camera woman of the day~

20th march 2010 little inventor annual lunch

2010-03-28T08:31:00.001-07:00

It was the day which i was looking forward to the most

since its the 1st time i've been involved in a company annual lunch.

And i really thank god for using my boss to bless me to be able to join this annual lunch,

its was a very fun day~

Even though our initial plans dint went as we wanted but overall it was okay~
I woke up early in the morning to find myself sitting in front of the computer doin the usual saturday rountine, reading manga, checking out facebook, reading blogs etc.

I was still kinda trouble by the incident though after the lunch i fell so much more better and relieve~ thank god.

I was having a hard time pick my outfit since i dint have the right pants to go wif my shirt i ended up wearing my office pants to the gardens and later buying and wearing a new one on the

spot. the pants was kinda cheap though onli rm40 usually long pants would be around rm 80

Was a very enjoyable trip to the gardens and back from the gardens~

Since all the teachers were so fun to be around and friendly as ever~

I guess their dint juz get their title as a teacher overnight~

Patience and endurance tat the major key in being a teacher.

Juz a breif on wad happend when we reach the gardens.

When we reach we were kinda early so i quickly took the chance to buy my pants and changed into it, and right after tat we went to the meeting place which is red box.

Where our dress code for the annual lunch was red and black, the red box worker's dress code were oso the same. Therfore we thought we mayb mistaken as a worker there~

Well after we had found which is our room, to find tat almost everyone was waiting for us inside there. When we enter there were teachers from other centers helping themselves wif the karaoke machine and singing their hearts out, we too help ourselves with the machine we were able to sing around 5 or 6 songs onli, then the slogan competition began.

Well, when it started to find out tat the other centers were really well prepared

while all we had was juz the script which i wrote, wasn't anything to wow about it though. and we onli practise around 3 times onli due to our busy timetable at work, sounds kinda like we are giving an excuse la~ we kinda messed up our tempo during the competition.

But in the end we got 3rd place~ haha wow~ we dint expected tat~ thank god~

After the competition, the buffet started the food was "so so" onli nth to wow about

mayb the desserts was abit better compared to the rest.

Right after lunch the singing competition started~ our center went 1st

Our 2 teams were han han and connie were the 1st team.

the 2nd team was vivian, amutha and shalili.

Well during the performance of han han and connie sumhow i was involved in it too,

Onli as a spice to spice up the atmosphere.

Since vivian's team was our turmp card so when it was vivian's team turn, we the teacher from kepong made sure we cheer our hearts for them, Well their trump was the dance which expose t.vivian quite abit though but no harm i guess most of the teacher are female.

When the singing competition ended to find tat none of our kepong team won but i think we oso dint mind since it was fun juz cheering for them and everyone was happy~

At 1st we plan to go for 2nd round of karaoke after the annual lunch since most of us wasn't given a chance to sing, but then sumthing came up and we went to t.vivian's bak ku teh store right after the annual dinner. kinda full at tat time but i did make space~ xD

One of our teachers were missing tat time due to sum family problem dun nid to go into much detail about tat, after our meal we went to her house to pick her up to see for was she doing.

She looked quite ok tat time of coz strong will mah~ haha~

We wanted to take her to desa park city to walk around at 1st but then her bf came and took her away~ nth we can do ler~ haha~ At tat time there were onli hanhan, t.on and me onli.

The 1st time we did was rush to the toilet = =

Since all our tank full haha wad else?

After we walked around the park enjoying the wind and we sat on 3 stones while waiting for t.on bf to arrive~ after he arrive we walk around abit then we parted~

Overall it was a very enjoyable day~

I've got to see alot of types of faces today knowing tat these are the ppl i'm working wif,

and i've got to know alot of types of ppl.

Is this wad working life is like? Though i think there's pros and cons to these type of living.

i thank god for everything tat he had blessed me.

Me and Teacher choo choo!~

Connie and T.on

I like the expression on their faces xD

Me and teacher sam~
Hanhan Me and connie~ xD

My nai ma~

A group photo of little inventor kepong!!!

Happier than before

2010-03-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

Its just so hard..

Mayb coz i'm not trying tat hard.

Of coz it would be easy for them since they had wad they all wanted.

So this is the taste of defeat..

It was much bitter than i thought.

It u had prepared both lanes at one go when u find the 1 lane is not interesting u can switch anytime.

Common sense~

The lane was rejected will be juz left there to rot and no more development until the next person to tat is interested in it comes. So how is it suppose to go on?

Hold on~ Plz Hold on~

It wont be long..

Fragment of Regret

2010-03-16T20:07:00.001-07:00

On that day, we walked our separate ways
I wonder what kind of excuses should I come up with now
I sense weakness which could not be concealed every time I stumble blindly
Your existence on that day strangles this body

With my firm self, I swear to the future that I will believe in those strong eyes of yours
The skies I have traveled, they have a freedom which is similar to solitude.
I only don’t want to turn back

If you recall, we were very alike, right?
Whether it was our untruthful words or our retreating figures that pretended to be brave
I’m sure the circumstances are the same for the both of us. We had our mutual emotions too
I’m not strong enough to tell you about my feelings of insecurity

The dream I want to grasp,
I was always being buried by my own answers to my questions within the interval of wishes
If it is your present self, will I be reflected in your happy eyes?

There are things which will become tainted and time that flows on
But that’s right, because it’s definitely not a mistake …Yes, I’ll believe that

An eternal dream, if I keep on tracing the painted world,
I will find those times and your radiance there which existed without changing.
See, you will be rewarded everything
In the middle of a continuously bewildering journey,
I bore my wounds within the fragments of regret but
The answers I kept on searching for is here now, and I held onto your small hand…

Need to rest mayb?

2010-03-14T06:59:00.001-07:00

Its getting tiring as days goes by.

How long will i continue to stand?

I'll found my break through today,

It wasn't much but its enuff.

I've tried my best to suppress myself til the very end.

Its not my limit yet i know it.

The problem is tat i dunno how to back off.

I'll back down now.

But i cant resist to see tat wad is she doin.

Even if she decide to tat, what can i do?
Can my question be answered?

The people around is also slowly chaging no more friendly

As days pass by the more hatred continue to grow.

How do i fight this battle?

Not just hatred is grow. Sorrow and despair is also getting equally strong.

Do i juz move aside and let things slide?
It does feel like myself by doing so..

I will eat up everything u all throw at me..

So relax~

I'll continue to slowly eat up all this crap tat i've caused

I'll end wad i've started.

Do wadever you wan to me i don't care at all!!!!

I'm no more a men pleaser.

But dun you dare condemn my love ones

Or i shall come after you.

Not threatening? Ya i know try me~

And i'll make sure we're see each other in jail

or mayb you wont see ur love ones anymore.

Thanks to all of these happening i've found hatred back in my heart again..

Why??? I'll have to remove it again, I've done it before i'll juz have to do it again.

Growth? I wish..

Grudge? I crush..

轨迹

2010-03-14T03:16:00.000-07:00

怎么隐藏　我的悲伤　失去你的地方
你的发香　散得匆忙　我已经跟不上

闭上眼睛　还能看见　你离去的痕迹
在月光下　一直找寻　那想念的身影

如果说分手　是苦痛　的起点
那在终点之前　我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的　不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白

我会发着呆　然后忘记你　接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天　会有人代替　让我不再想念你
我会发着呆　然后微微笑　接着紧紧闭上眼
又想了一遍　你温柔的脸　在我忘记之前

心里的眼泪　模糊了视线　你已快看不见

Things as time goes by..

2010-03-13T06:27:00.000-08:00

Its been kinda rough for me these few days
She is cold to me and colder as the days goes by.
What do i do? I know tat he like tat guy alot and the way she chose to end things was not as friendly as i thought.
She now enjoy her time wif him, and yes i'm juz a minor for now on.
Him? I dunno tat person, and i dunno wad is he able to do.
She inist tat we totally cut off, what do u think?
She claims by doin so she is helping me to overcome tis and to forget her.
Of coz for her to make such a stand onli shows tat how much she dislike to have anything to do wif me, and to claim tat she is helping me?
Sounds more like she's helping herself more.
Is there another way? I think yes but why this way?
Why does things have to become like this?
Does everyone end up the same?
Juz another reflection of myself.

Moving on~

2010-03-09T21:38:00.001-08:00

Moving on~
Tomorrow is the day tat decides everything.
A life changing day.
Hope god will bless me wif good results~
The nest thing is to find collage to enroll into
And to get a place in the society.

The coming days is not going to be easy.
Preparing for the storm which is gonna be big.
Am i ready for it?

Have been really trying to clear my head these few days
Ever since i've finish wad i'm suppose to be doing
I thought tat clearing my mind should be easier.
yet it still contiune to haunt me..
i really nid strength as i'm weak
I nid strength to let go of everything...
To perform my last flight..

Random~ xD

2010-03-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

Meeting someone else is the easy way out!
I knew what I would say before they even asked.
Do I look lovestruck enough?
I'm not gonna lose my cool, love's at stake!
Study! Study! Study! It keeps me up all night.
It'd be great if my dreams came ture
Because I don't care about anything else.
I'll be waiting for you!
I can hear your voice ffrom the are a ahead.
WHY!? I won't stop!
Yeah, that's me, the person you just passed by.
Are we still friends?
I flunked our friendship test, after all.
NO! I'll take it again! Again!
Come on, gimme another chance!
Something better awaits us in the future.

What i had been doing this few months

2010-03-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

What have i been doin for these 2 months~
I've decided to work rather than staying at home doing nth
But i did had trouble diciding whether to work or not, but in the end i started work.
It began when i decided to work, and i thought of working a kindergarten.
Not bcoz of any reason particular, i juz think tat the timetable should be quite flexible rather than a waiter of promoter.

Ever since i started working, my time to take care of my private life had greatly reduced.
And i myself had been feeding myself wif negative thoughts of friends forgetting me and replacing me. Its a very selfish thought, i know. On the contrary i should accept things with a open mind. Since our skul life has pass i should not be holding on to the past. Imagining the worst is what i do best while finding a solution and to chill is wad i'm worst at.
It was actually a very small problem at 1st but then i made it bigger.
It was bcoz of my selfish thoughts and entertaining negative thoughts caused misunderstanding and fights between me and my friends. I've actuallly made this mistake once and yet i've done it again, i hope i will learn my lesson this time. Even if forgiveness is not given its understandable and i will accept it, since i deserve it. It all comes back to this can sins be forgiven?

Slowly seeing everyone around me slowly walking towards their on path is onli the natural thing to expect. People are slowly and surely changing, far or near, slowly or quickly, is bound to happen yet i ask myself when i my turn to take my 1st step? mayb i've taken juz tat is too small to be notice? or is it tat i took my step backward?
I like to hold on to the past and wish tat everything would stay the same, its impossible.
Everyone will change juz tat is whether is the change big or small, good or bad.
There is neither good or bad, but onli by thinking makes it so.
I juz hope i would change for the better and to grow up to have a much more mature mind.
I'm not good wif farewells, bcoz i know tat a farewell means we wont seeing each other much. but tats not the point at some time, it is i who refuse to let go of the past and i try to cause people around me to follow me, and this usually caused trouble to them.

Although my friends said tat i'm not beening replace.
But i cant stop thinking tat i'm bein replaced no as a other me
but as the same function. I know tat i myself is a nobody and to be replace is the natural
I've been replaced b4 and i dint liked it. Juz like a storyteller, a storyteller's story ends when no one wants to listen to his story or think tat his story is not interesting. for example a manga artist tat is draw for a stream mag, the performance of the artist is judged weekly by the readers and the results will determind whether his manga will contiune or not. If the manga artist does not perform accordingly his fans or readers will lose interest in his manga and look for another manga to read, its juz the same in this world. If you cannot keep up wif the rest u will be isolated and by passed, and soon you will be tomorrow's trash.
A friend scolded me once about me being a men pleaser.

he said: are you scared of being condemn by others?
i: ya
He: you cannot please everyone is this world even me
I:....
He: by the time u notice this means you had learned it the hard way, its no point bein a men pleaser the more u please the more is expected, and if u dun perform u will become trash, so i rather juz be who you are and not care about pleasing the people of the world.
I: but how do i do it? how do i juz be myself?
He: juz forget about the world, forget about everything.
I: how do i be myself?
He: Tat you will have find out yourself i cannot help u on this one.

I had always looked up to strong people and yet i juz look and nvr have i tried to change myself
and give up on the past bcoz i was holding onto the past very dearly.
Why? other reason is because i've always depended on others.
help myself? I'm trying to..
Once a wise man told me to be strong sumtimes it means to let go.
i hope i can become a much brighter person and a strong person and choose let go.
I've cause all of this chaos it was oso because of the jealousy and envy i had inside of me.
I'll try to give myself a chance to breathe and sumtime to rest..
This juz a reflection of myself, i hope i carry the will to change and to improve myself as a nobody. Bad habits will have to go, but the habits tat i welcome are they good?
I dunno, all i know is tat directions and advice had been given and a change is expected or i will be left behind again. But to be left behind may not be a bad idea on the other hand.
Juz another way to grow through the hard way.

For now, I contiune to work as a office boy and a teacher.
i enjoy working in this kindergarten even though its tiring but its a very good exprience for a person like me who is impatience.
The job offers a good environment, a very friendly and patience boss, good people to work around with, a good salary and most of all cute students~
My students sumtimes they have help me alot, even though they dunno it.
While teaching these students i've learn to look for a solution from a different view and to be abit more patience and understanding when it comes to children bcoz they dunno anything and i'm suppose to teach them.
While teaching these bunch of students they have help me to clear my mind at times and forget about my problems.
Sometimes i wonder who is teaching? and who is learning?
I really thank god for using this to help change to a better person

These children are oso my stress reliever~
Its not like i whack them to release my stress is juz tat they look so innocent,
so much so tat i juz drop all the things i'm thinking.
They smile wif a very innocent heart and pure heart,
sometimes i wonder whether i was like tat before?
Before i end this post i would like to introduce my cute students to you all...

Shin jie drinking her milk, she is very smart and very playful.

The korean boy Yoon Woo sleeping during class~ haha~

Shin jie again playing water this time.

From the left julia , Xue rou and Xi wei

All of them all very smart especially Xi wei and Xue rou

A group photo during chinese new year.

Yee Xuan~ the sweetest baby around~

She onli 3 years old

although most 3 years old noe how to talk

she too knows how to but she is very lazy.

but she is very cute as seen~

Yee xuan playing wif her bolster.

Yee Xuan drinking water

Yee Xuan and me~ xD

Fortune telling?

2010-01-04T04:21:00.001-08:00

There is these kind of quiz on facebook tat tells ones future
or luck in whatever they do.
But sumhow i dun like these kind of stuff even though ppl will say its juz for fun
But to me Its BULLSHIT!!!!
Fortune telling or what so ever is call playing God
We are out of mere dust yet us humans want to play God?
KNOW YOUR PLACE!!!
Does who knows you know where all fortune telling is from..

Something is wrong..

2010-01-02T01:37:00.000-08:00

Recently i have been getting very emo easily
Having no idea of what i am doing
I've scolding innocent people for no reason
I've hurting close friends for no reason oso
What the heck is wrong with me??

New Year...

2010-01-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

Today marks the beginning of the new year 2010
I've went for the count down at desa park city
And tat place was packed!!!
traffic jam is must during times like tis.

After i reach there wif Yuan
took us quite awhile to find a parking.
I tried to contact ah fung but of no valid though
thx to the lousy digi line
my credit was almost all used up.

When i reach there all i could see were ppl sitting everywhere
And sum kids running around wif snow spray
A waste of money i thought but then hey its fun
While walking around there, there were stalls all over the place selling food and etc
Ppl were packed at the center due to the Mc and the stage

The fireworks started before i could actually meet ah fung
coz tat place is seriously crowded!!!
The fireworks was nice too bad i dint take any pictures
The fireworks lasted for 10 minutes plus~
And after tat ppl started to go home~ DUH!
All i did there was wait around and try to find ah fung and the gang.

While walkin wif yuan and watching the fireworks wif her
I've notice tat what actually are we celebrating?
Welcoming of the new year?
Do you know what is install ahead of us?
I felt kinda stupid after noticing tat
I mean we're welcoming the end

Everyone looked so happy
Yet i dunno where is joy coming from
The storm is wad we're welcoming?

A new beginning? The storm is coming..

2009-12-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

Its already at the end of the year
everything was over in a blink of an eye
Spm, my school life, melaka holiday and my annual dinner
what value does my exprience holds?

Until now, the thing tat is in my mind is tat school will no longer be contactable
even if they are contactable it will not be like before
Therefore I will learn to live a solitary life again
To lead on others, other than my brothers in christ
I shall swallow everything myself.
I've lead on others before and it wasn't a wonderful feeling when they decide you are no longer useful.
Solitary life style is the best i do what i want And decide for myself
I'm leaving the past in the year.. I shall die this year
The new year I myself shall be new

What next year will be installed for me?
collage mayb?
but the storm is coming~
I hope ns wonder be a pain in the ass.
Collage would likely help me to cancel out NS
Hope so.. What has become of me?

Sad story

2009-12-18T19:46:00.000-08:00

There was a boy

ever since his failure of his 2nd love life

he made a vow to himself not to after in love until he finish his study

but he met a girl

A very bright girl, which was very playful,

she wasn't the most beautiful person in school but,

she was a very fun person and everyone like her.

And without knowing he started to like her.

But in order to keep to his promise

he force himself to go throug hell, to hide his feelings

And there were time where a chance was given to him

but bcoz of his promise to himself, he gave up the chance

which really was torturing himself.

But all he could do was to suffer in slience.

Some ppl knows tat he like her but he denies it all bcoz of the vow

And there were time he had to look into her eyes and lie..

its wasn't fun at all, it was a very painful exprience.

Yet he hide every thing from even his closest friend.
There was no one from him to tell,

His heart had 2 wolves

one black and one white.

in order to keep to his vow he refuse to feed the black wolf

But he kept feeding the white wolf and always look to the white wolf

for comfort.

He kept on living like tis, until one his best friend told him tat he was dating her

His heart was smashed to pieces. Its wasn't her fault and wasn't his friend's fault

it was his own to be blame.. he was like biting himself.. juz bcoz of tat vow.

Was tat vow worth keeping? he never felt tat depress b4..

the most painful part was when the girl came to him for help in her relationship wif his best friend. He had no choice but to put on a mask, to hide his pitiful and ugly face away.

no one knows the agony tat he was facing. Everytime he hears her voice his heart melt.

And he wasn't able to refuse any request tat she ask of him. Silly huh?

until one day when she broke up wif his best friend..

The boy was happy at sum point yet sad for the girl tat she had to suffer a heartache

He tried his best to comfort her and help her clear her mind.

Unknowingly he started to like the girl more..

During tat time more chances were given to him but It wasn't taken by him bcoz of the vow

How he hoped tat he dint made tat vow..

Until when his studies were over. He was happy tat he kept his vow

And he was hoping tat she would be still there..

When he Pumped Up all his Valor to tell her how much he like her

But of no valid. He wasn't good and expressing himself

And she said she only had a little feelings for him..

And she oso said tat the time wasn't rite.

She would be leaving for her continuation of her studies out station

in another 3 months time. The boy was deeply hurt but he tried his best to be by her side as long as possible.. but he din't know tat wad was there waiting for him was pain, agony and despair.

He was really lost when he saw the quality of her friends.

he was in no position to fight her friends even though he knew tat they already had girl friends

But they juz kept hanging onto her like glue, he understand as they were very close to her and had spent 5 years studing together therefore he tired his best.

He was a nobody..he could not even let her ride on his bike as he was too weak to balance both of them, compared to her friends which did a better job than him, it was agony tat strike him contiunously but he couldn't let her not tat he was suffering all he hoped was tat he would be able to help her at anything but he had nothing to offer her.

she gave more attention to her friends; of coz since he had nth to offer her.

All He had was a rubber bracelet.

He tried to offer it to her b4 he departed but he was rejected..

Common sense who would wan a rubber bracelet compare to sumthing of much higher value

like handphone or gold bracelet. he doesn't have tat money..

He really regreted feeding the white wolf so much, But it was at the climax tat the black wolf started to hate the white wolf out of jealousy....

The boy was eaten by jealousy not matter how he tried to fight the insanity of jealousy

He was lost in the shadows of the black wolf as the white wolf was completely eaten by the black wolf. he thought of ways how to express to her for the very last time.

Chance wasn't given.. Wad he had was juz memories of his painful past.

He tried to avoid the girl as much as he could but when ever he hear her voice his heart stopped

Its was like the white wolf was still alive and it was the white wolf's heart beat tat was telling him to fight jealousy. Whenever he saw her smile his heart raced but there was nth he could do.

Until the end he sat quietly at a dark corner hiding his face away from her and whistling a painful song, hoping tat there would be a chance again for his revival.

But the girl already forgotten about him as he was a nobody...

All he had were scars of the past... how he wished tat he dint made tat vow.

So Should we be keeping our promises?
Or should we not keep them?
If we keep them ur words and trustful and it holds value but may end up like tis boy

If we don't keep our promise ur words are untrustful and it holds no value to the ppl listening it

But we may not end up like tis boy.

And he might had a much better ending...

我要做坏人

因为妳不想做坏人

所以我要做坏人

我会见死不救

因为妳不用我救了

I will kill jealousy and I will kill lust once and for all..

I'm back

2009-12-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since i last updated
anyway here's a update
i juz came back from malacca
Awesome trip wif the guys
My whole back was burned
painful~
its was a 3days 2 nights trip~
both awesome in fun and teachings
I've not had so much fun b4~
thx guys~

During this trip i've saw sum true colours of ppl
And how Lust can control sum1 so deeply
kinda disgusted at time
But oso abit pissed off
But i'm not the type of guy to slap ppl in the face
So i'll juz hide in my own later corner and take it out myself later

During tis trip i've oso notice tat there is another definition of pain
one wont know until one goes through it
every now and then arrow were hitting me
i really feel like i was shot
I cant really help it though I told myself to kill jealousy
But it always won.. Tats why i'm so weak
A mere nobody can never fight against a Champion
And last time i used to think tat i'm kinda strong
but in fact, wad do i have?
wad do i have tat others dont hav?
I lost bcoz i dun hav money, i lack the knowledge
i lack wisdom..

A nobody should not expect anything..
A nobody has no rights..
All i can do through out tis whole journey was to try my best to smile infront of...
To put on a mask..
Through out the whole journey i had totally forgotten the wind tat i used to love so much..
Have i start to return to the old self?
To love blaze more than the wind?
Haha an untasteful joke..

I'm so sorry

Deneb, Altair, and Vega

2009-08-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

There’re “Deneb,” “Altair,” and “Vega”

That's the Summer triangle you pointed at

I remember that when I look up at the sky

I finally found Vega

But where are you, Altair?

You'll be alone like this

From the pitch black world, I looked up

Stars are falling in the night sky

I wonder how long

I’ve been here, but chasing you

Please, try not to be surprised

Listen to

these feelings of mine ~

Serving~

2009-07-26T02:41:00.000-07:00

Have been busy lately so wasn't quite able to update
One of the best things were tat i was able to serve for a wedding~
Was a fun experience.

I started the day by fetching a few of my friends for breakfast
Breakfast at McD was ermm slightly expensive
anyway was aonce in awhile so i dun mind paying for it
We spend sum time talking ther til it was about time for us to leave

By then we drove to the wedding and started to help arranging the tables and chairs
Was fun doing it wif everyone~
And soon after we finish up was lunch time~ xD
We ate 1st coz we'll be serving~
The food was nice~

As soon as we know it the guests arrived~
And we'll hav to serve them~
One thing i notice about the guests
Church members are much more polite and well mannered
compared to the outsiders which simply put the dirty dishes and take things for gratted
And worse of all there is this one little kid which manage to annoy me
All the balloons tat was blown up and decorated around the area was taken down by him
and he bursted it causing a loud noise its very disrespectful as there were elders ther

After serving i went straight to tuition
was smelly~ i know = =
but cant help it~ was doing add maths questions from 6 to 8
And reach home as soon as i can~

But thruogh the whole day
i felt tat are ppl tat does not like ppl joining their group even though the others dun mind
And it was him tat let out an aura of rejection and hatred
Which of coz ignite my angry but was control by a gentle wind~
Even though he can do hateful things but i hope some day it'll be my turn~

5S!!!

2009-07-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

Every year the 1st 3 classes will be given a page on the skul's mag~

So to say my class is getting a page for the skul's mag tis year~

We're planning to fill that page wif our photos~ or to say our memories~

And since every year the same kind of photo will be put on it~

i thought mayb we'll try sumthing different tis year~

juz to make it special and different for the other years and classes~

So one day while i was lying on my bed i thought of an idea~

About taking our photo in a formation~ xD

And i discussed it wil ham jie the next day and moved on the the different groups in class

And thx god everyone agreed~

even the teacher~

On the day itself we're were lacking guys therefore our 5 suck hard = =

while the girls did a good job on their S~ xD

its a S not ass = =

And the next problem was wif the camera man chee wing

he'll count from 1 to 3 but he nvr tell us whether he took di or not

Anyhow it was fun taking the pictures~

And the best part my plan worked xD

Can you spot me?

Puzzle~

2009-07-05T08:53:00.000-07:00

The sky that I looked at up for a bit; the ordinary days that were too good to be true
Every time when I turn my back, you only mutter
Where should I go? With you, who has such a face

The shadows in the back of the alley; the needle of the clock
Repaints the stopped time

My hands that reached out; I had abandoned
The puzzle that won’t interlock together until we meet
It’s something lost; recovering
The last piece

The memory of the faraway day that I forgot about some other time
If I stacked it on the corner of my heart
There’d only be nostalgic sceneries and catchphrases during that while

As if confused, I turn my eyes downwards
Please don’t stand still, chase me

The words that we exchanged can’t form shapes
But my irritating feelings convey my thoughts
Lining up my shoulders with the pouring rainIn this way

When it comes to the direction of the wind, you know it; it’s a new beginning

My hands that reached out; I had abandoned
The puzzle that won’t interlock together until we meetIt’s something lost; let’s recover
The last piece and start walking

Lambo~

Time to update~

2009-07-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile~
was planning to update after getting all the picture taken during the camp in taman negara
well i cant wait for it anymore~
too much xD

Had a wonderful exprience in camp
although i went wif a injured knee
But it was fun~
Would be better if the teacher are much more spoting
compared to the fat zulaili showin off her small gasness
and spoil our mood and atmosphere

After the camp was sum unexpected things tat took the whole skul to shock~

And After tat was Canteen Day~

was planning to open a store

but after hearing i'll nid to pay rm150 to rent a space

and i'll nid to pay 70% profit to the skul

I quited = =

Changing Wind..

2009-06-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

The mid term june holiday is coming to and end
And was silly of me to think tat everything would stay the way i was
yes things will remain unchanged for u but not the rest..
knowing this yet i still hope that i won't not change until the end of the year..

I knew tat things changed was when i met again with the wind
spreading the news of the rain that had change slow along with the others
and yes i was left behind once again..

This had me wondering after hearing the event that occur
what was i to them?
just a stone to step on i guess..
like once the Mountain did said never trust anyone other that yourself
which means dun have so many close friends
yet i dint take the advise
and look at myself now just another stone by the walk way

Looking at the way things move
i think its not to long till we're reach the cross road.
what will happen then?

The knifes that was hidden shall be shown,
Yet, no tears shall be sheard.

Withstood pain to create many laughter,
Yet, these hands shall hold nothing.

As the music play all shall gather,
Yet, there is a odd number.

Unknown to fame, nor known to shame...

Faces~

2009-06-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Jux another Random post~ xD

The way the wind blow

2009-06-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Had a great day yesterday

due to the 1u trip and futsal

was fun~

though i did went abit over board

by saying tat we're at mid valley and not 1u

coz the info i got was tat they were walking INSIDE 1u

and not in the parkin

so i said tat we're in midvalley

In fact they were in their car

and after hearing tehy left the parking and paid for the ticket = =

Nvr expected their reaction to be soooooo quick~

anyhow when i told them tat i was juz joking they got pissed (was expecting tat)

who won't be? = =

And yes when we met the flaming was expected

BUT not the pushing i mean flame means flame la wads wif the push here push ther?

but still tahan~ got ppl lookin~ dun wanna get mad over small things~

and so~ tat was the best part of the day~

After the futsal match

when i reach home and went online

to see tat i was written in their blog~

oo~ how sweet~

was about the prank i did~

lol giv a break la pussy over is over la wad u still wan me to do?

lick ur feet? i rather run u over wif my car if u ask for tat much

and in his blog was threaten by him saying wanted to kick my ass in public

i mean in 1u?

kick my ass?

ther?

u sure?

o wau~ go on tough guy~

juz make sure i'm unconcious or dead better be dead

Or~

i dunno wad will happen~

seriously man a guy acting like a long winded pussy = =

Note: Girls says tat they dun liked long winded guys

And so i decided to spice sumthings up

went and ermm kinda like comment about it in his blog

And their reaction was advicing me to eat chocolate ice-cream

ermm no thx dun feel like eating chicolate icecream after seeing tis picture~

Go eat urself bah~

Happy Birthday!!! To brother Caleb And daughter Shu Ting~!!

2009-05-28T06:25:00.000-07:00

Brother Lebz

Happy 17th birthday !!! xD
Older by one year again!!
Take good care of your body o~

Daughter Shuu = =
old lady~ happy birthday~ o
And enjoy urself on your birthday bah

Yes i'm am the one

2009-05-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

Came back from a tiring day of exam and tuition
by the i locked the car walk into the house
my bro was running at me full wif joy and luaghter
to tell me tat the comfirmation letter of me going to Ns is here
which means his wans me bald and send away.
no surprise though~ i would to if it was him~

Which means i'll hav to get my pradon from the principle
and so i'll nid to go wif meg gie and kok wing
which meg gie hardly even come to skul recently
and kok wing wans to settle it ASAP
so i was also lazy to wait fr her as ermm dun really care about her stuff anymore
And so we went together to get the thing done which cost us our recess
zzz

going into the chemistry exam unprepared
to my delight the paper was a easy pull off~
so after the paper boring as usual while the rest will be ding their best in it
and i would be day dreaming on my table
thinkin of wad would happen when i'll be send to tawau ==
issac used to said tat there's nth to do ther
eat, sleep, shit, get a sun burn and juz show off ur muscle wif friends
and tat should be all for Ns.
i was sumhow expecting ther would be abit more fun installed

So if i'm not wrong i would be send ther by next year
during my holiday which means 3 months holiday gone ==
wasted wei~

boomer~

Don't Say That You are LAZY!!!!!

2009-05-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

This exam really woke me up sumhow

to notice tat how much i suck

while doing the paper i kept asking myself the same questions

here it goes~:

ei why u're not doin the questions?

dunno how to do la~

Den how? why dunno do de?

dint study mah~

Why dint study?

been gamiing too much and too lazy

See lazy is ur problem,by keeping ur present standard ur no match for him

ya i know.. big gap la

So? tak boleh ka?

susah lor~ tapi kalau saya boleh belajar banyak sikit..

Nah see~ tat is wad u nid!!

but how la i lazy no easy way ke?

easy way arh? got~ walk out that door and say ur prayers b4 jumpin down from the 3 floor

yee wan meh no fun

Fun FUN FUN!!! Is tat all u think ka?

kinda.. why so serious?

My future leh not serious arh?

ermm ya hor..

zzz anyhow juz shut up and finish the paper la lame ass
ok lor~

Somehow by thinking back i find it pretty lame of me to be talking to myself

even though i dint do it out loud was in the mind la
anyway if i wan to talk to sumone there is ah siok behind of me which is always free~

Anyhow i suck real hard to core

i really nid to change my laziness in order to pwn tat dude

so conclusion

DoNt Say U ArE LaZy

BcOz U are CraZy!!!!

The party night~

2009-05-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

Tonite was the party night yet i dint go~

of coz i hav to put god 1st~

really wish it was on a saturday then i could had join them~

anyhow i think its the largest event for tis year..mayb?

coz they stacked 3 person's birthday together~

The last i had ever been to a party like tis was last year july~

was fun~ but sum how after tat party friendships dint last.

juz start seeing things change to a whole new direction

which ermm i dint like it~

Hope there would be another event like tis~ i mean for tis year la~

And hope tat after tis friendship would still be in tact~

Planning on where to go tis holiday in june~

planning la~ xD

most of all muz be able to go out wif her~

And FUTSAL!!!!

And i'm looking forward to the camp~

I wanna make my last year in skul the best year!!!!

Wind+Blaze

2009-05-05T01:11:00.000-07:00

The weather is getting hot recently

but surprisingly the wind has been coming very often~

ther is always tis feeling when the wind always come~

usually it onli comes when exams are closing in~

true though exams are near xD

As usual the wind oso brought a message.

this time was about the ppl around me.

Showing me wad they were really made of and

getting a clearer scope of the way things flow~

and the best of all a reflection of myself

seeing the wrong how wrong i was

as i was dancing too slow for the music.

trying to chill and flow wif the wind~

And catch up wif everyone

let the past be past~

Tat was the lesson's title~

but can i do tat?

Hope i can rather sitting here look at the lost fragments of despair and hatred

Faster..

I muz run faster~!!!

Faster than the Blazing fire tat nvr stops.

(probably tats why the weather is so hot = =)

CRAWL~!!!!

2009-04-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

Crawl-Velt Punch
I sum how like tis song's MV~
damn yeng
*************************************************************************************

Advancing by crawling along the earth is
Just the ordinary climb all over again
Even with my destiny carved out for me, I just take a deep breath
I knew it wasn't enough
The days felt as if they were going to be destroyed by the thunderous roar
The needle-like rain stopped and you arrived.

Sha la la I sing for you
Sha la la

A dulled eternity is the "symbol of boredom", meaningless
Like a pool made at the bottom of the sea
Painting swirls on the water's surface,
The too-high sky is reflected upon it
If you're joking make it that I understand

Sha la la I sing for you
Sha la la fight for myself
Sha la la I sing for you
Sha la la

I can't take this "boredom" anymore.
Standing still on the stage, the courage to fight back
I don't care, I don't care
I wonder if you'll smile even without an "existence"...
At the pace of when you just start running
The scenery that flew by
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care
Are you going to find out what is really right or wrong?

Finally at the goal you've struggled up to, the truth known for the first time
I don't care, I don't care
I wonder if you'll realize it tomorrow...
Even the distorted air ripped off of March
I don't care, I don't care
Going up the 13 steps
They'll be waiting for your hands
If we make a new start after the today that we came to know pain
I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there

The murmured regrets are clinging to your hand
Is that sharpened blade being swung for the sake of someone else?

Cant help but think..

2009-04-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

Ever since i've learnt how to drive although things should be closer to me as i should be able to reach by myself..
but there is a even large distance between friends.
Is it my fault?
do think mayb yes though..
bcoz of my stubornness and rude attitude i guess..
Or is it the problem of me putting a mask on?

Today while driving the sky started to get dark and it start to drizzle
i cant stop thinking about the days during ipoh..
how i walk in the rain, knowing tat was my bitter past.
yet it help to made me the Me i am today..

during class today while waiting for the teacher to enter the bio class.
I sat alone today not tat i dun get along wif ppl, juz tat the ppl i got along is missing today.
while sitting there without anyone noticing my presence; i dun wan to be a sumbody in tat area.
i over heard the conversation of the girls sitting behind me,
about sum guy cheating on a friend of her's..
which reminded me of my ex
she was sweet at 1st and i stood up for her whenever lyn and ah bo bad mouth her.
But the fact was she was really wad they said. feelin so dumb been played.
after tat case i was made slience, nvr did dare to show my true colours..
at least i try not to get emo in skul or crowded areas.
Need not ppl to know so much..

This word always strike my mind "Stand ur own ground no one is going to catch u when u fall"
trying to keep tat in mind coz i know i do sum close friends tat will be ther for me
But soon ther will be a day we'll walk our own path.
a line will be drawn on tat day..

At least would try to enjoy myself for now

drifting away~

Weekend Break from the exams~

2009-04-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Ok another boring day in skul~ sumhow~ was mainly bcoz the exam
i mean after the add maths exam we're basically free to jump about and to kill each others if anyone dares~
juz a little update of wad has been going on in skul~
As the story from dear friend caleb continues to remain~
which the handphone missing and going after tat small brat for he is responsible to wad happen~ sumhow i really felt like slapping tat samll fry. = =
i mean his the one in fault yet he still can say as if his not wrong at all
worst thing is tat his sister is also the same making use of caleb giving him false hope.
these type of ppl really should die..
if i can i would had kill both of them but killing both bring out the money and its no fun at all~
so i decided to make their life in skul a living hell
it'll be more fun to see their reactions.
At least they deserve it~
but seriously nth much i do to really help.
juz hate these kind of ppl. no sense of responsiblity
ermm tired ler end here~
enjoy the photos xD

the usual view in class

5B gang resting xD
ermm no nid to exaplain bah~And who said Tjf is not after other gals dun see why he should juz stick to xiao theng like glueI giv YOU ERNEST!!!!...................lee

Thinking of wads next

2009-04-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

Woke up late today = =
next to the mid night gaming straight on not stop till 3am.
got up at 9.30am and yes i'm late for skul
a thought came into my mind
"juz skip la ur already late~ "
"but then there's an exam today leh"
"so wad?"
"ipromised her to take the exam la"
"can resit de mah~"
"but waste time lor"
"juz skip straight la~"
"NO!!! I nid to go and pei wilwil oso"
"Ish u gay ka?"
"WAd da? of coz not~ I'm going and tats it case close~ "
So tats how i found myself in skul today.
Was lucky i dint meet paulin when i enter the skul today
rather than paulin i met Pn Lee and Pn Teh
Pn Lee is ok but Pn Teh is pure annoying at times
the usual Pn Lee goes wif her lecture wif me
She sumhow i think is the best teacher in the skul xD
at least i do take most of her advice~

These few days most of the gang had been starting to plan about their future

tis really worries me for i'm not really sure bout myself

i wan to studdy biochemistry at least tats the onli thing ican say i'm good at.

And i'm ermm kinda worried about aH Ham jie which is in the ward now ><

her blood platelets count is really dropping as she is infected wif SLE

and the marks on her hands are oso getting worst..

hope she will get well~

End~

Bed time~ Shows how lazy i am xD

Revival time!!!

2009-04-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Its been really a long time probably 4 months

finally i had the nerve to revive my blog

long story short bah~

sumhow after visting my daughter's blog i felt like updating my blog too

haven really been myself ever since the whole choir thing started

and ermm sumhow i lost my cool tat day ><

sorry guys dint mean it.

have been going out wif friend quite often lately ><

muz draw a line soon, yeah i know tat..

looking forward to see how tis year's class photo will come out to be

after all i did manage to butt my head in to 4 class photos

got injured during the process though~

but it was fun having to go hyper wif the gang

We lost the choir contest but at least we won back our hearts

we dint not let wilson's hardwork go to waste..

well the next thing waiting at my doorstep is the exam

i hate it but i sumhow nid though

nid bursh up myself.

I know its not gonna be a easy year for me..
2009 year of farewells

Lyn NOOB!!!!
Group photo after the choir contest we lost though

The gals from my class~ 5B class plus ermm alot of us from different classes xD

ITs xmas~!!!

2008-12-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

ermm blog is really looking very dusty lately
so i here i am updating it
Its been a busy 2 weeks for me wif all the activites and party~
this i think the best christmas i've ever had
i've found her and i got tons of gifts from friends~
well though so of it are not ready tat useful~
i had alot of fun during the party~
hope the presents i gave to my friends satistife them ><
So wats next?
Haha~ A year of battles~
NEW YEAR!!!! RaWR!!!

Busy For dec~

2008-12-13T07:34:00.001-08:00

My holiday started at the 1st of dec~
as brother aaron came over to my house~
which means going out late and going out whole day~ haha
Had alot of fun and used alot of money ><
the 1st day we had a BBQ at my place
all was good until my dog tried to bite my grand auntie's dog nose off
We went bowling and snooker the next day~
i really suck at bowling >< all kena longkang
And Bating on the 3rd day Kinda shuang hit the balls but very felt very tried after hitting it ><
Its kinda hard at 1st after u get the feel its very easy~
Sunway on the 4th day~ All the other dude lepas aeroplane - . -
expected it though~ AH ming~!!! keke leng zai leh~

Aaron~ haha~ all dun wan show face
Skill~

At sunway

Tio tagged~

2008-11-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

Instructions:

Bold the statements that are true to you.

Italicize the statements that you wish were true.

Leave the fibs alone.

Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I hate dota
I am 180cm tall
I am racist
I am a gangster
I love bamboo
I am emo
I bake
I love indians
I'm a girl
I love japanese music
I'm a pro a playing wif a piano
I bully everyone
I know everyone in church
I hav no issue wif the gangsters is school
I'm good a football
I'm good at basket ball
I Punch my bro everytime I see his face
I love my dog
We will last
My bro is not a busy body
My bro is not a bully
I hate skul
I sleep naked
I am a ham sup lou
I eat frogs
I understand japanese
I go for tuition everyday
I hate tuition
I love add maths
I dun bully teachers
I talk to myself
I am in love
I take drugs
My friends take drugs
All my friends are nerds
I sell arms
I eat snakes
I hav 2 pairs of shoes
I hit a old lady wif a flower pot
I'll slap who ever tat touches my Carl's Jr burger
I ate a burger 3 times bigger than a Big Mac
I am a lala
I still hav sumone i trust
I am a Ro freak

Holiday~

2008-11-25T19:54:00.000-08:00

Its almost decemember and wat to do wif the time i hav?
well~ there are few times on my list

Poke the Angry sleeping brother~ Ngek Ngek~

Sketching, mostly i'll do tis at nite la coz dad will force me to bed and i cant sleep ><

Sms~ haha~
Online~ mostly finding wallapapers~ ><>
Gaming most common in every young guys like me
Outing planning to go sunway wif friends~
Tuition ><>

YEAH!!!

2008-11-25T19:40:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since i last post pai seh~

i've been having complains from my daughter about my blog been too dead

so here's a post~

Ermm i'll start wif the post which i delayed

the last few days of my form 4 life xD

Me,Ah bo and Brother Lynz~

Brothers~!!! Its been 4 years since we met and tis is the 1st picture we took together~

Sum time wif Ah Fung, Ah bo ,Chee wingz, Fish ball~

This was the last day

So rather than juz taking pictures whole wif friends

We decided to add sumthing extra special into our memories

ngek~ ngek~

And Yes half his body is in there~ We finally got him in there the 2nd time~

I know its kinda dirty but we check and make sure tat is was clean b4 we did tat to him~

we're not so heartless~

In the forest where you were...

2008-10-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

In the deep thick forest, there is a faint fragrance that is very dear
If I search through the everyday faces, surprisingly, I find that yours is smiling

When I reach out my hand to touch it,but even if I reach out my hand to you,
fleetingly, you disappeared into the sky

I've always wanted to see you and thinking of you always
Crossing the sleepless nights
While I cry, I try to embrace what's left of you in the midst of light and shadow

Hopelessly, I walk barefoot in the scorching sunset
While stepping on the ruins of a love that fades crimson
When I hold out my hand to touch it, I hear your voice

Right now the words "I love you" won't reach as the wind carries away my song
It disappears far far away
If I throw a hour glass in the high skies, I hear the sounds of that day resounding

Scenery that I can't touch again
Fades away slowly

"Don't disappear," that hand and that hair,
In the rapidly enlarging atmosphere and memories are over-piling.
The light and shadow that you left is just too large

Within the deep,deep forest...