What i had been doing this few months

What have i been doin for these 2 months~
I've decided to work rather than staying at home doing nth
But i did had trouble diciding whether to work or not, but in the end i started work.
It began when i decided to work, and i thought of working a kindergarten.
Not bcoz of any reason particular, i juz think tat the timetable should be quite flexible rather than a waiter of promoter.

Ever since i started working, my time to take care of my private life had greatly reduced.
And i myself had been feeding myself wif negative thoughts of friends forgetting me and replacing me. Its a very selfish thought, i know. On the contrary i should accept things with a open mind. Since our skul life has pass i should not be holding on to the past. Imagining the worst is what i do best while finding a solution and to chill is wad i'm worst at.
It was actually a very small problem at 1st but then i made it bigger.
It was bcoz of my selfish thoughts and entertaining negative thoughts caused misunderstanding and fights between me and my friends. I've actuallly made this mistake once and yet i've done it again, i hope i will learn my lesson this time. Even if forgiveness is not given its understandable and i will accept it, since i deserve it. It all comes back to this can sins be forgiven?

Slowly seeing everyone around me slowly walking towards their on path is onli the natural thing to expect. People are slowly and surely changing, far or near, slowly or quickly, is bound to happen yet i ask myself when i my turn to take my 1st step? mayb i've taken juz tat is too small to be notice? or is it tat i took my step backward?
I like to hold on to the past and wish tat everything would stay the same, its impossible.
Everyone will change juz tat is whether is the change big or small, good or bad.
There is neither good or bad, but onli by thinking makes it so.
I juz hope i would change for the better and to grow up to have a much more mature mind.
I'm not good wif farewells, bcoz i know tat a farewell means we wont seeing each other much. but tats not the point at some time, it is i who refuse to let go of the past and i try to cause people around me to follow me, and this usually caused trouble to them.

Although my friends said tat i'm not beening replace.
But i cant stop thinking tat i'm bein replaced no as a other me
but as the same function. I know tat i myself is a nobody and to be replace is the natural
I've been replaced b4 and i dint liked it. Juz like a storyteller, a storyteller's story ends when no one wants to listen to his story or think tat his story is not interesting. for example a manga artist tat is draw for a stream mag, the performance of the artist is judged weekly by the readers and the results will determind whether his manga will contiune or not. If the manga artist does not perform accordingly his fans or readers will lose interest in his manga and look for another manga to read, its juz the same in this world. If you cannot keep up wif the rest u will be isolated and by passed, and soon you will be tomorrow's trash.
A friend scolded me once about me being a men pleaser.

he said: are you scared of being condemn by others?
i: ya
He: you cannot please everyone is this world even me
I:....
He: by the time u notice this means you had learned it the hard way, its no point bein a men pleaser the more u please the more is expected, and if u dun perform u will become trash, so i rather juz be who you are and not care about pleasing the people of the world.
I: but how do i do it? how do i juz be myself?
He: juz forget about the world, forget about everything.
I: how do i be myself?
He: Tat you will have find out yourself i cannot help u on this one.

I had always looked up to strong people and yet i juz look and nvr have i tried to change myself
and give up on the past bcoz i was holding onto the past very dearly.
Why? other reason is because i've always depended on others.
help myself? I'm trying to..
Once a wise man told me to be strong sumtimes it means to let go.
i hope i can become a much brighter person and a strong person and choose let go.
I've cause all of this chaos it was oso because of the jealousy and envy i had inside of me.
I'll try to give myself a chance to breathe and sumtime to rest..
This juz a reflection of myself, i hope i carry the will to change and to improve myself as a nobody. Bad habits will have to go, but the habits tat i welcome are they good?
I dunno, all i know is tat directions and advice had been given and a change is expected or i will be left behind again. But to be left behind may not be a bad idea on the other hand.
Juz another way to grow through the hard way.

For now, I contiune to work as a office boy and a teacher.
i enjoy working in this kindergarten even though its tiring but its a very good exprience for a person like me who is impatience.
The job offers a good environment, a very friendly and patience boss, good people to work around with, a good salary and most of all cute students~
My students sumtimes they have help me alot, even though they dunno it.
While teaching these students i've learn to look for a solution from a different view and to be abit more patience and understanding when it comes to children bcoz they dunno anything and i'm suppose to teach them.
While teaching these bunch of students they have help me to clear my mind at times and forget about my problems.
Sometimes i wonder who is teaching? and who is learning?
I really thank god for using this to help change to a better person

These children are oso my stress reliever~
Its not like i whack them to release my stress is juz tat they look so innocent,
so much so tat i juz drop all the things i'm thinking.
They smile wif a very innocent heart and pure heart,
sometimes i wonder whether i was like tat before?
Before i end this post i would like to introduce my cute students to you all...

Shin jie drinking her milk, she is very smart and very playful.

The korean boy Yoon Woo sleeping during class~ haha~

Shin jie again playing water this time.

From the left julia , Xue rou and Xi wei

All of them all very smart especially Xi wei and Xue rou

A group photo during chinese new year.

Yee Xuan~ the sweetest baby around~

She onli 3 years old

although most 3 years old noe how to talk

she too knows how to but she is very lazy.

but she is very cute as seen~

Yee xuan playing wif her bolster.

Yee Xuan drinking water

Yee Xuan and me~ xD

Fortune telling?

There is these kind of quiz on facebook tat tells ones future
or luck in whatever they do.
But sumhow i dun like these kind of stuff even though ppl will say its juz for fun
But to me Its BULLSHIT!!!!
Fortune telling or what so ever is call playing God
We are out of mere dust yet us humans want to play God?
KNOW YOUR PLACE!!!
Does who knows you know where all fortune telling is from..

Something is wrong..

Recently i have been getting very emo easily
Having no idea of what i am doing
I've scolding innocent people for no reason
I've hurting close friends for no reason oso
What the heck is wrong with me??

New Year...

Today marks the beginning of the new year 2010
I've went for the count down at desa park city
And tat place was packed!!!
traffic jam is must during times like tis.

After i reach there wif Yuan
took us quite awhile to find a parking.
I tried to contact ah fung but of no valid though
thx to the lousy digi line
my credit was almost all used up.

When i reach there all i could see were ppl sitting everywhere
And sum kids running around wif snow spray
A waste of money i thought but then hey its fun
While walking around there, there were stalls all over the place selling food and etc
Ppl were packed at the center due to the Mc and the stage

The fireworks started before i could actually meet ah fung
coz tat place is seriously crowded!!!
The fireworks was nice too bad i dint take any pictures
The fireworks lasted for 10 minutes plus~
And after tat ppl started to go home~ DUH!
All i did there was wait around and try to find ah fung and the gang.

While walkin wif yuan and watching the fireworks wif her
I've notice tat what actually are we celebrating?
Welcoming of the new year?
Do you know what is install ahead of us?
I felt kinda stupid after noticing tat
I mean we're welcoming the end

Everyone looked so happy
Yet i dunno where is joy coming from
The storm is wad we're welcoming?

A new beginning? The storm is coming..

Its already at the end of the year
everything was over in a blink of an eye
Spm, my school life, melaka holiday and my annual dinner
what value does my exprience holds?

Until now, the thing tat is in my mind is tat school will no longer be contactable
even if they are contactable it will not be like before
Therefore I will learn to live a solitary life again
To lead on others, other than my brothers in christ
I shall swallow everything myself.
I've lead on others before and it wasn't a wonderful feeling when they decide you are no longer useful.
Solitary life style is the best i do what i want And decide for myself
I'm leaving the past in the year.. I shall die this year
The new year I myself shall be new

What next year will be installed for me?
collage mayb?
but the storm is coming~
I hope ns wonder be a pain in the ass.
Collage would likely help me to cancel out NS
Hope so.. What has become of me?

Sad story

There was a boy

ever since his failure of his 2nd love life

he made a vow to himself not to after in love until he finish his study

but he met a girl

A very bright girl, which was very playful,

she wasn't the most beautiful person in school but,

she was a very fun person and everyone like her.

And without knowing he started to like her.

But in order to keep to his promise

he force himself to go throug hell, to hide his feelings

And there were time where a chance was given to him

but bcoz of his promise to himself, he gave up the chance

which really was torturing himself.

But all he could do was to suffer in slience.

Some ppl knows tat he like her but he denies it all bcoz of the vow

And there were time he had to look into her eyes and lie..

its wasn't fun at all, it was a very painful exprience.

Yet he hide every thing from even his closest friend.
There was no one from him to tell,

His heart had 2 wolves

one black and one white.

in order to keep to his vow he refuse to feed the black wolf

But he kept feeding the white wolf and always look to the white wolf

for comfort.

.

.

He kept on living like tis, until one his best friend told him tat he was dating her

His heart was smashed to pieces. Its wasn't her fault and wasn't his friend's fault

it was his own to be blame.. he was like biting himself.. juz bcoz of tat vow.

Was tat vow worth keeping? he never felt tat depress b4..

the most painful part was when the girl came to him for help in her relationship wif his best friend. He had no choice but to put on a mask, to hide his pitiful and ugly face away.

no one knows the agony tat he was facing. Everytime he hears her voice his heart melt.

And he wasn't able to refuse any request tat she ask of him. Silly huh?

until one day when she broke up wif his best friend..

The boy was happy at sum point yet sad for the girl tat she had to suffer a heartache

He tried his best to comfort her and help her clear her mind.

Unknowingly he started to like the girl more..

During tat time more chances were given to him but It wasn't taken by him bcoz of the vow

How he hoped tat he dint made tat vow..

.

.

Until when his studies were over. He was happy tat he kept his vow

And he was hoping tat she would be still there..

When he Pumped Up all his Valor to tell her how much he like her

But of no valid. He wasn't good and expressing himself

And she said she only had a little feelings for him..

And she oso said tat the time wasn't rite.

She would be leaving for her continuation of her studies out station

in another 3 months time. The boy was deeply hurt but he tried his best to be by her side as long as possible.. but he din't know tat wad was there waiting for him was pain, agony and despair.

He was really lost when he saw the quality of her friends.

he was in no position to fight her friends even though he knew tat they already had girl friends

But they juz kept hanging onto her like glue, he understand as they were very close to her and had spent 5 years studing together therefore he tired his best.

He was a nobody..he could not even let her ride on his bike as he was too weak to balance both of them, compared to her friends which did a better job than him, it was agony tat strike him contiunously but he couldn't let her not tat he was suffering all he hoped was tat he would be able to help her at anything but he had nothing to offer her.

she gave more attention to her friends; of coz since he had nth to offer her.

All He had was a rubber bracelet.

He tried to offer it to her b4 he departed but he was rejected..

Common sense who would wan a rubber bracelet compare to sumthing of much higher value

like handphone or gold bracelet. he doesn't have tat money..

.

.

He really regreted feeding the white wolf so much, But it was at the climax tat the black wolf started to hate the white wolf out of jealousy....

The boy was eaten by jealousy not matter how he tried to fight the insanity of jealousy

He was lost in the shadows of the black wolf as the white wolf was completely eaten by the black wolf. he thought of ways how to express to her for the very last time.

Chance wasn't given.. Wad he had was juz memories of his painful past.

He tried to avoid the girl as much as he could but when ever he hear her voice his heart stopped

Its was like the white wolf was still alive and it was the white wolf's heart beat tat was telling him to fight jealousy. Whenever he saw her smile his heart raced but there was nth he could do.

Until the end he sat quietly at a dark corner hiding his face away from her and whistling a painful song, hoping tat there would be a chance again for his revival.

But the girl already forgotten about him as he was a nobody...

All he had were scars of the past... how he wished tat he dint made tat vow.

.

.

So Should we be keeping our promises?
Or should we not keep them?
If we keep them ur words and trustful and it holds value but may end up like tis boy

If we don't keep our promise ur words are untrustful and it holds no value to the ppl listening it

But we may not end up like tis boy.

And he might had a much better ending...

.

.

我要做坏人

因为妳不想做坏人

所以我要做坏人

我会见死不救

因为妳不用我救了

.

.

I will kill jealousy and I will kill lust once and for all..

I'm back

Its been awhile since i last updated
anyway here's a update
i juz came back from malacca
Awesome trip wif the guys
My whole back was burned
painful~
its was a 3days 2 nights trip~
both awesome in fun and teachings
I've not had so much fun b4~
thx guys~

During this trip i've saw sum true colours of ppl
And how Lust can control sum1 so deeply
kinda disgusted at time
But oso abit pissed off
But i'm not the type of guy to slap ppl in the face
So i'll juz hide in my own later corner and take it out myself later

During tis trip i've oso notice tat there is another definition of pain
one wont know until one goes through it
every now and then arrow were hitting me
i really feel like i was shot
I cant really help it though I told myself to kill jealousy
But it always won.. Tats why i'm so weak
A mere nobody can never fight against a Champion
And last time i used to think tat i'm kinda strong
but in fact, wad do i have?
wad do i have tat others dont hav?
I lost bcoz i dun hav money, i lack the knowledge
i lack wisdom..

A nobody should not expect anything..
A nobody has no rights..
All i can do through out tis whole journey was to try my best to smile infront of...
To put on a mask..
Through out the whole journey i had totally forgotten the wind tat i used to love so much..
Have i start to return to the old self?
To love blaze more than the wind?
Haha an untasteful joke..

I'm so sorry