A new beginning? The storm is coming..

Its already at the end of the year
everything was over in a blink of an eye
Spm, my school life, melaka holiday and my annual dinner
what value does my exprience holds?

Until now, the thing tat is in my mind is tat school will no longer be contactable
even if they are contactable it will not be like before
Therefore I will learn to live a solitary life again
To lead on others, other than my brothers in christ
I shall swallow everything myself.
I've lead on others before and it wasn't a wonderful feeling when they decide you are no longer useful.
Solitary life style is the best i do what i want And decide for myself
I'm leaving the past in the year.. I shall die this year
The new year I myself shall be new

What next year will be installed for me?
collage mayb?
but the storm is coming~
I hope ns wonder be a pain in the ass.
Collage would likely help me to cancel out NS
Hope so.. What has become of me?

Sad story

There was a boy

ever since his failure of his 2nd love life

he made a vow to himself not to after in love until he finish his study

but he met a girl

A very bright girl, which was very playful,

she wasn't the most beautiful person in school but,

she was a very fun person and everyone like her.

And without knowing he started to like her.

But in order to keep to his promise

he force himself to go throug hell, to hide his feelings

And there were time where a chance was given to him

but bcoz of his promise to himself, he gave up the chance

which really was torturing himself.

But all he could do was to suffer in slience.

Some ppl knows tat he like her but he denies it all bcoz of the vow

And there were time he had to look into her eyes and lie..

its wasn't fun at all, it was a very painful exprience.

Yet he hide every thing from even his closest friend.
There was no one from him to tell,

His heart had 2 wolves

one black and one white.

in order to keep to his vow he refuse to feed the black wolf

But he kept feeding the white wolf and always look to the white wolf

for comfort.

.

.

He kept on living like tis, until one his best friend told him tat he was dating her

His heart was smashed to pieces. Its wasn't her fault and wasn't his friend's fault

it was his own to be blame.. he was like biting himself.. juz bcoz of tat vow.

Was tat vow worth keeping? he never felt tat depress b4..

the most painful part was when the girl came to him for help in her relationship wif his best friend. He had no choice but to put on a mask, to hide his pitiful and ugly face away.

no one knows the agony tat he was facing. Everytime he hears her voice his heart melt.

And he wasn't able to refuse any request tat she ask of him. Silly huh?

until one day when she broke up wif his best friend..

The boy was happy at sum point yet sad for the girl tat she had to suffer a heartache

He tried his best to comfort her and help her clear her mind.

Unknowingly he started to like the girl more..

During tat time more chances were given to him but It wasn't taken by him bcoz of the vow

How he hoped tat he dint made tat vow..

.

.

Until when his studies were over. He was happy tat he kept his vow

And he was hoping tat she would be still there..

When he Pumped Up all his Valor to tell her how much he like her

But of no valid. He wasn't good and expressing himself

And she said she only had a little feelings for him..

And she oso said tat the time wasn't rite.

She would be leaving for her continuation of her studies out station

in another 3 months time. The boy was deeply hurt but he tried his best to be by her side as long as possible.. but he din't know tat wad was there waiting for him was pain, agony and despair.

He was really lost when he saw the quality of her friends.

he was in no position to fight her friends even though he knew tat they already had girl friends

But they juz kept hanging onto her like glue, he understand as they were very close to her and had spent 5 years studing together therefore he tired his best.

He was a nobody..he could not even let her ride on his bike as he was too weak to balance both of them, compared to her friends which did a better job than him, it was agony tat strike him contiunously but he couldn't let her not tat he was suffering all he hoped was tat he would be able to help her at anything but he had nothing to offer her.

she gave more attention to her friends; of coz since he had nth to offer her.

All He had was a rubber bracelet.

He tried to offer it to her b4 he departed but he was rejected..

Common sense who would wan a rubber bracelet compare to sumthing of much higher value

like handphone or gold bracelet. he doesn't have tat money..

.

.

He really regreted feeding the white wolf so much, But it was at the climax tat the black wolf started to hate the white wolf out of jealousy....

The boy was eaten by jealousy not matter how he tried to fight the insanity of jealousy

He was lost in the shadows of the black wolf as the white wolf was completely eaten by the black wolf. he thought of ways how to express to her for the very last time.

Chance wasn't given.. Wad he had was juz memories of his painful past.

He tried to avoid the girl as much as he could but when ever he hear her voice his heart stopped

Its was like the white wolf was still alive and it was the white wolf's heart beat tat was telling him to fight jealousy. Whenever he saw her smile his heart raced but there was nth he could do.

Until the end he sat quietly at a dark corner hiding his face away from her and whistling a painful song, hoping tat there would be a chance again for his revival.

But the girl already forgotten about him as he was a nobody...

All he had were scars of the past... how he wished tat he dint made tat vow.

.

.

So Should we be keeping our promises?
Or should we not keep them?
If we keep them ur words and trustful and it holds value but may end up like tis boy

If we don't keep our promise ur words are untrustful and it holds no value to the ppl listening it

But we may not end up like tis boy.

And he might had a much better ending...

.

.

我要做坏人

因为妳不想做坏人

所以我要做坏人

我会见死不救

因为妳不用我救了

.

.

I will kill jealousy and I will kill lust once and for all..

I'm back

Its been awhile since i last updated
anyway here's a update
i juz came back from malacca
Awesome trip wif the guys
My whole back was burned
painful~
its was a 3days 2 nights trip~
both awesome in fun and teachings
I've not had so much fun b4~
thx guys~

During this trip i've saw sum true colours of ppl
And how Lust can control sum1 so deeply
kinda disgusted at time
But oso abit pissed off
But i'm not the type of guy to slap ppl in the face
So i'll juz hide in my own later corner and take it out myself later

During tis trip i've oso notice tat there is another definition of pain
one wont know until one goes through it
every now and then arrow were hitting me
i really feel like i was shot
I cant really help it though I told myself to kill jealousy
But it always won.. Tats why i'm so weak
A mere nobody can never fight against a Champion
And last time i used to think tat i'm kinda strong
but in fact, wad do i have?
wad do i have tat others dont hav?
I lost bcoz i dun hav money, i lack the knowledge
i lack wisdom..

A nobody should not expect anything..
A nobody has no rights..
All i can do through out tis whole journey was to try my best to smile infront of...
To put on a mask..
Through out the whole journey i had totally forgotten the wind tat i used to love so much..
Have i start to return to the old self?
To love blaze more than the wind?
Haha an untasteful joke..

I'm so sorry