28th June 2011 A cooling breeze

everything is more a less settle down.
she wanted me to fuck off awhile b4 actually becoming friends back,
so i'm juz trying to chill back here~
all thanks goes to lyn for showing me some very helpful pointers when i was in a pinch.
thx bro i'm much better now~
though somehow sorry to disappoint u but i just am unable to give up completely juz yet..
but i know my priorities, and i'm aiming for a better future, this love thing are secondary in my life. i'm having more time to rest and chill since talentime night was over, but i'll be spenting it by studying, to reach my dream of studying in UK by next september, i'm willing to give up everything to go there even her.
the hateful and agony still is crawling in my heart its not gonna get me so easily as b4 dy.
anyhow its all better dy~
please continue to give me the strength to face everyday with the best of myself!!!

the prove that i'm still crazy

22th June 2011 Confused

this case is just so freaking complicated wei~!!!
today's problem is more a less the same but,
i got her to reply me on facebook, i asked her why she din't reply my sms and she said she has no credit anymore,
well not that i wanna doubt her but last time xin yuan also use this excuse to dodge saying she doesn't wanna reply.
and yes i did a FUCKING STUPID mOVE BY ASKING HER THAT!!!
RIGHT AFTER I DID SHE POSTED A WHOLE PAGE FULL OF THE WORD "FUCK"
AND SHE ASK ME FOR SOMETIME ALONE.
I'M SO FUCKING STUPID FOR POSTING SO MANY THINGS ON FACEBOOK!!!
FUCK YOU FACEBOOK!!!!

21th June 2011 Running too fast

These few days, i was really under the weather.
whenever i think about her, whenever i see her fb profile,
i feels like its about to stop, am i that weak?
i just help see that i myself has started to become boring and she's not one bit interested in me dy.
she posted :

I thought we could; but in fact we can't; thanks so much for everything; we're better off close friend. :o

right after i send her home on saturday, my heart was completely crushed,
i tried to get it off my mind and to think that the possibility of her referring to another person,
but some how it dint connect.

Sunday i tried to get things of my mind, i tried to sleep it off dint work, i tried to play dota to clear my mind it dint work at all even though it was my 1st time being the top scorer, i tried to go jogging to clear my mind it work for awhile but i came back again, then i tried to sms her, to find her reply me at 11pm while i sms her about 8am, okay mayb she was busy~ but after she replied she posted:

takde initiative nak reply pun. next time dont ask why complaint. there's always reasons. its whether you understand ke tak. ugh, tido.

another death blow to my heart. I completely fell into despair until now i dun even dare to sms her dy, i saw her a few time in college though, but i dun dare to call out to her, she seems so far dy. i wonder was tis distance already here? or did it just gotten longer? some many thought were running through my mind that night i couldn't sleep until i had to use my mp3 to put me to sleep.

Yesterday night, i was really an my limit, having to work with and unable to communicate with her like we used to, really felt so painful. after i shared with raymond and kent, they pointed out to me that i was too careful and more space for trial and error should be allocated, and the main point is that i was running too fast, too hasty to see the outcome, mayb she was right lets start off as friends 1st. i wont give up just yet, i wan to give it my all so that even though i fail, i wont regret that i dint try my best rather i wasn't good enough for her.

Her smile that i really love cannot be compared to others.
u will always be in my heart even though i may not be given a space.
it's okay...

18th June 2011 Restless heart

Its been awhile since I've update this blog.
i was busy with all the Talentime nite preparation and sponsor hunting process.
i like to be busy so i wont think of any unnecessary things like my love life.
but during these times, i was struck by it again,
though she's not as pretty as what my friends always look at, but she's just the type i like
hard working, she's simple, she gives off a bright radiance with a very dear fragrance, a smile that is able to melt my heart every time i see it an big watery eyes which of cause i dun have but she's perfect to me at least since I'm not perfect i wont ask her to perfect also,anyway these matters can be discuss after she is willing to accept me into her life.
well I'm still trying to understand her better whether is she the person i really think she is.
i know these things are no walk in a park and can be very complicate which it is already in my head, I'm praying very hard that i don't make the same mistake as i did long time ago,
comparing and thinking too much are the 2 enemies I'll have to win against.

though I've made up my mind that i will not bring this matter up until, i get at least 3.0++ gpa
to find my ambition and have a clear look of my own future before i will proceed, i know time doesn't wait for anyone, so time is short for me dy. please give me the strength and discipline to carry on and to fulfill this. at least she is clear of her own future. and I'm still kinda lost in my own mind. until then I'll continue to put on a smile even though my heart is still very restless but I've gotta give it my all.