Thursday, July 28, 2011

29 July 2011 accepting the fact

its been awhile after the SOT sport carnival, but then i'm still lacking rest partially is because of my coming finals which starts at 17th august~!!! and i've been helping out elaine and her crew with some video shooting~ its fun though but its oso no walk in the park..

recently i've see her a few times in an event organized by the advance diploma, and everytime i see her i never failed to escape the scene within seconds... bah thats the only thing that came into my mind, i dint wan to cause trouble anymore bah. dunno la i somehow i feel that if i'm there it'll just cause her a change of mood bah. i'm juz guessing la anyway i dint wanna take the risk bah. another reason was because of the finals bah~

anyway i've been giving it some thought about what she said, she said something like :"liking sumone doesn't mean you have to be lovers, sometimes you just have to be friends." hmm gave it sum thought and yes i agree and i'll accept it bah~ like what my auntie gracy told me~ " Don't worry! if its suppose to happen somehow something will happened for it to happen!" bah i've finally come in to agreement to it bah~

wednesday i had a flash mob and honestly i was abit shocked to find that she was there to watch.. i thought she had class though, i wanted to run but unfortunately its not possible that time, but after thinking abit i asked myself this question why cant she be here? its her freedom la~ haha~ stupid me getting worked up over things like this. by the time it started, I messed up 99, coz i was really shaking and she was just standing right in front of me =3= sometimes i find myself really pathetic, i'm not afraid of most of the things but yet something like this cause me to shake WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! bah i quickly escape the scene after everything was over... but at night on facebook we had a discussion which sounded more like a debate, somehow i dunno why when i'm serious about doing something i really don't care who you are dy, and i was able to put everything aside.

yesterday, i had a meeting with sam at 11am, to discuss about the thriller night's stuff, to find out that seriously most of the SSSH members doesn't want us SOT members to be involved.. its sad to hear but sadly its the truth, after pondering awhile i guess i can understand how they feel bah. coz us SOT SWC don't have much members and most of them put their studies 1st and are not willing to take risks. its sad seriously... alot of the SOT students can really sumone die in front of them and yet just look rather than helping others. If possible i wanna change this! bah what can sumone like me do? as usual sam was very sociable, she did ask me about "her" stuff and how we were doing, bah.. i oso dunno how to answer everything is falling apart. And she ask me about my relationship with chanchai and other sot members, some how i felt like she was giving me some points rather than just asking about them. THX SAM haha~ 1st thing she pointed out was that i'm abit to sensitive? which yes i agree to that its been a serious problem ever since young. And sam was telling how much she love wesha and "her"~ i agree~ both of them are so helpful and loveable especially her :D haha~

later that day, went i went into SWC room to slack before our handball game, by the time i enter the room *BOOM* she was there. i was shocked for awhile though, coz usually she's not there during that time de. And somehow she was asking chanchai a few questions about the thriller night, somehow i dint know why i chipped in, and was answering her question unconsciously. until when she looked me in the eye, i woke up for awhile. but i was glad at least i was talking to her normally for that awhile.. haha~

i hope i'll be able to change this b4 i reach the age of 30. it'll be a rather serious problem if it happen like that. anyway after the discussion i had with her online, i noticed that we're not that different at all? coz during the event we met a few times even though i escape the scene but means that mayb we were looking that the same thing? or interested in the same things? hahaha~ anyway if she's only willing to like sumone then i think i can accept that i'll be liking her from here bah~ today i'll having a handball tournament, hope i'll be able to score a goal! bah~
i 've noticed she's very tried from her shooting session, i understand how tired it is because i've been helping elaine in her shooting session also. take care bah~ i really feel like cheering her a bit, bah~ finals are coming~!!! JIA YOU!!! oh yea recently this thought was floating in my mind it goes like this: ATTENTION TO THOSE PERFECTIONIST~ GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!! THE PERFECT YOU ARE SEEKING DOESN'T EXIST FOR YOU TO ACCOMPLISH!!!

Friday, July 22, 2011

22th July 2011 Dawn of the sky

It was yesterday when i came home early and i check for manga updates~
the manga which i enjoy reading sora no otoshimono juz had a update and let me tell u this! this manga seriously rocks! awesome comedy! awesome storyline! one of the best manga i would say!
and it has a direct link to my funny bone!

but i was just then when i was laughing my heads out about how the main character tomoki tries to explain what is love to a young girl by showing her how much he loves erotic stuff! he rushes into the girls changing room and got his balls kneed! lol and he tried many other way but always end up that he got his ass kicked! but anyway in the end his grandfather came out in a vision to tell him that what his doing is wrong! because it is not called love if its one sided right? thats why things doesn't work out! in the end after he understands it he rushes back into the female changing room and this time he strips himself naked also! LMAO no longer one sided? haha~ anyway while i was laughing my ass out, suddenly sumthing stuck me really really hard in my head!

love isn't sumthing you only give or only receive, love is somethign to be freely exchanged! LOL
though its from a manga but honestly it really stuck me hard! so what i've been doin was the same! its one sided!! i wasn't trying to understand her at all!!! i was forcing her to understand me! i was just forcing my feelings towards her... SHYT!!!! nothing was exchange! i just kept on thinking from my point of view that i should not give up and what i could do! SHYT!!!!! its seriously one the big mistakes anyone could afford making... WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

I'm seriously a trouble maker wei... i caused her so much problems... even after all the troubles she was still willing to be normal friends with me, damn she's just too kind... i really need to apologize to her, damn if i am ever given the chance to do so i MUST apologize to her!! damn and i thought i was trying to understand everything the best as i could RUBBISH!! i wasn't understanding anything at all!!!

feeling very guilty for what i've done, but on the other hand i'm happy because i finally understand what went wrong! and yes i had been asking this question and finally answer! my father's timing is seriously awesome always sending answers to me when i need them the most!
anyway i feel like a burden has been lifted from me, though i'll still have to face the music but at least i understand now why i'm facing the music now!

anyway for now, i guess the chances of me seeing her will be getting lesser and lesser, i hope that the next time we meet we can talk like normal friends bah and i wont suddenly be come a coward , even if its just for awhile. And finals are coming, i better be prepared to crush'em!

Okay lets hear for one last time before i start my studies!

*as usual everything unpleasant are suppose to stay in this blog!*

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

21 July 2011 Continuing

its finally the 3rd day of the SOT sport carnival and since monday wesha has helped out until today~ a very BIG THANK YOU to her seriously~ even though today she dint help out but i'm juz glad she was there juz in case~ and there were things about "her"~ haha~ as usual she's still popping in and out of my head almost the whole day, even though i told myself to put things aside coz now i can't do anything at all, let time decide and does what's needed to be done! i'm just a nobody, now i think of it, i have no talents i'm not good any sports neither am i good at art, coz i'm juz a jack of all trades, master of none!

today after the basket ball tournament my course mates and i had a basketball game which had been awhile since we had one~ was very enjoyable and cleared my head for awhile but it felt good even though it was just awhile. Had dinner with edwin, wei hong and bor lih that was 1st round and 2nd round was with wesha, pei shan and pork. yes pork is his nickname i was astonish too when i heard his name =3= anyway had a very very full dinner today. and its been quite awhile since i had a proper meal, i've been having fast food for lunch and dinner almost everyday this week. guess nothing happen by chance bah~ anyway i feel very guilty for skipping the flashmob training today again, i'm planning to skip the basketball tomorrow and go for the flashmob training i cannot afford to disappoint jayson anymore, his seriously a good person don't wanna let him down~ and i seriously dint want to give a damn about the basketball tournament dy though i think they can managed it since all the other sports ended~ i worked like a dog for them and at the end of the day chanchai tells me " WHY YOU EMO?" or he'll around with his indirect jokes about me being emo. and the worst part is that when i tell him or reminds him of the problems we have now he'll jus shout at me "YOU THINK I'M NOT STRESS KE? I NEED TO WRITE POSTMORTEM YOU KNOW!" and i was thinking dood u're not even handling any games or sport, u're just participating in the futsal game, and even though he was tackled and unable to play anymore but he doesn't help much rather than helping he'll be disturbing people and poking fun of me, coz i last time did told him about my problem with "her" and yes now i think of it it was a FREAKING BAD decision! IT COMPLETELY BACK-FIRED ON ME. looks the people i can trust its only just lyn and the gang. makes me sound so weak wei. anyway i made sure none of the knows about this blog except my brothers bah~ so everything's steady i guess~ :DD anyway i wont completely blame chanchai for being an ASS HOLE at time bah i mean everyone needs a break considering he is always talking to the top guns in college mayb he just wanted to be carefree for awhile~ and i'm doing all this is all consider as I ASKED FOR IT bah~
coz i joined the SWC naturally these are my responsibility.

haha~ i've been thinking for awhile , why did things ended up this way? there were too many possible answers which i thought up of, but then the most important as wad lyn told me was "LIVE IN THE MOMENT!"~ damn guess his always there to wake me up abit :DDD thx bro!
anyway things about her are best put aside now though i keep yearning to see her, but when i think about after u see then what? things not settled down enough yet, no point stepping on road that just being painted kan? let it rest for awhile and let it dry b4 you step on it!
anyway Kent just uploaded the photos we took that day~ HAHA FINALLY!!! when i look at that picture although her smile was partly blocked by her finger~ but i'm just really happy i took a picture with her INTENTIONALLY this time :DDD i regretted not asking her to take a few more with me. anyway i'll try to ask her next time~!!! OSU!! i'm just addicted to her sweet smile bah! its like a drug to me =3= LOL! aku jadi drug addict pulak sekarang~ haha~

as usually everything unpleasant written in this blog is suppose to stay in this blog and i'm suppose to start up fresh after posting all this!! Even though i can't do anything now, my heart doesn't waver at all, so just let time do its part bah~ while i need to keep my mind focus on the coming battles!

Monday, July 18, 2011

18th July 2011 Sports carnival

a very tiring day, although i skipped math lecture and sleep til 11am, i went to college slightly early b3fore my maths tutorial and went to swc room to study awhile at less that's wad i planned to do.
when i reach there alexander told me that the sot sport carnival's notice board was completely gone and we went to double check it. yup though i looks like sumone did it rather than being riped by the wind, anyhow by the time chanchai came we settled the notice board almost instantly and started importing our equipments from mr guang~ and we started to clean the sot cupboard for space to keep the equipments, then hor hor~ she came into the room with wesha~ was abit shocked and happy though, but almost instantly i was in a blur i dint know whether should go talk to her or should just continue doing my stuff until she was alone? but it dint happen the guy name ryan which is also momoko's boi friend was chatting with her the whole time~ guess my face problem bah~ haha~ i dint wanna put much thought in it, since she said juz treat her normally. so i just carried out my duty anyway it was also every messy, i stink of sweat so i thought better not approach her bah~

anyway the sport carnival was having problems with the futsal coz 4 team submitted their forms after the deadline and was not accepted and that was the main reason ryan was there, and later on some other futsal guys came which sounded like they wanted a fight, bah childish shit!! anyone can give you a fight, but it takes balls for u to resolve the problem and walk away!!
i explained almost 7 times for them got fed up and walk off with a very pissed off look~ ah~boR~ we even extended the deadline from friday to sunday for you but they send they forms in on tuesday after the meeting, we're not willing to change everything for they all lor~ i mean u as a sportsman should be better than this and u should show more sportsmanship than this lor rather than trying to resolve things with a fight~ like i said anyone of us can give u a fight if you so desperate for one, but WHAT FOR? problem not solve and u're reputation will stink for ur whole college life. anyway i notice that alexander was more a paper work guy, he cant handle talking and explaining to ppl, coz his too soft and people then to munch him up instantly! but honestly i really appreciate him helping us out, since i know chanchai doesn't do much work even though his the chairperson, yes he'll tell u he printed this and typed that, but if u were to listen properly those are very simple stuff which most of us can do, but he'll tell in a way u'll be amazed that he did so much work. anyway alexander did a good job! THANK YOU!!!

when the time came closer, problem started to appear b4 us. we lack people to take of basketball and table tennis, wokay! alot to explain *takes a deep breathe*
here we go~:
1.basket ball we have no referees, and the idea of finding a referee on the spot wasn't a very promising idea AT ALL! and we don't have enough member to coordinate the game properly.
2.tabletennis, our coordinator cheah ern was missing in action and hey! guess what when we called her she said she's coming back from her home town at 4pm~ and guess where's her home town? KEDAH!! my goodness!!! how can she be so irresponsible?? was really disappointed with her lor, she said she will help out whenever she is needed, please don't make promises you CANT KEEP!!!

okies~ i told alexander, i can take care of basketball, while the chess since raymond and oscar was suppose to help me with it so i thought i could leave it to them, while alexander can take care of table tennis since he have knowledge of it. so i thought that everything was settled, i asked wesha and eveline for help, and yes thank God they came to rescue the day! they seriously helped me alot~!!! I really wanted to give them a big hug!

okay after i stationed myself at the basketball court, i tried to find people that are willing to be referees. i managed to find one but no luck with the second one, until i asked ah pheng, he recommended me his friend which show interest in become a referee. i took him in, and GAME ON!

during the game my goodness that guy ah pheng recommended really really sucks. i regretted asking him to be a referee and he even nearly got his ass kicked on the spot, thank God~ his timing is really awesome! a guy that was watching the game while sitting next to us told us that HEY! i can be a referee to sub that guy out! and yes i gladly took him in and replace ah pheng's friend. thank god this referee really knows how to do his job, while before this the teams were furious and they started to curse and swear all over the place, while i was actually starting to lose my cool, those basketball players are really BASKETBALLS! i they gave us the lanci look and started to simply swap players into the match, really really really felt like giving it to them! and disqualifying them! bah~ after this referee came in everything was smooth sailing~

while wesha and eveline was complaining to me that they were disappointed with the SOT basketball players all so noob, lol i don't dare to call them noob since i was no better~ but really was a boring and full of foul- ish game not one bit of sportsmanship is sported through the whole game. then suddenly raymond called me~ he asked me where was i?and whether the chess games started? i was seriously STUNNED i thought he was handling the chess game nicely and now his asking me this, i ran towards canteen 2 foyer since he told me he was there, which i nearly got ran over by a car, i dint notice it coming from my blind spot. but thank God i was able to drag my body out of the way before it hit me, but seriously that driver was no joke he dint even slow one bit at all. guess my face problem bah~ haha~

btw the time i reached canteen 2 foyer raymond wasn't there =3= i was seriously pissed off. but after awhile her showed up, i asked him whether can we start it now, which i thought dood its 6 o'clock the participants should had already came and went back with the feeling that we ffk-ed them. which i'll be calling to apologize tomorrow, so i asked raymond to go and check out the snooker side, he said he wants to call alexander 1st, which i think won't be answering the phone. honestly if i can just drop the basketball things to them, i would have ran to the club house to see the situation. but raymond is not me and he look very irritated, i was thinking dood u're late and u're giving me this attitude don't you its not very fair to me? i din't even flame him for being late at all. while he was trying to get through the phone, i went back to the court.

everything was smooth sailing~ i was relieved abit~ though some problem with the participants not respecting the referees, bah human behavior wants to comment alot but i bet no one of those little bastards can do a better job than my referees! and they can suck my left nut and spit it on my right!!!! ish~ putting those noobs aside, everything was fine though i had trouble finding 2 extra tables for us but hey found it in the end and carried it back for them, at least i thought their helping me, i should give them as much comfort as possible, i seriously owe them not just one but ALOT!

then i saw raymond walking furiously to his car, i asked him how's everything with alexander? he juz gave me the i dunno sign with a very furious look, while i really was disappointed with raymond, then again i thought we're humans there are times when all of us will get tired bah~ anyway when he drove pass i thought he was going home but! he din't turn toward the exit~ haha~ steady as always bah~ i knew his not that type of person that would run away when things gets a little rough.

after that, everything was okay~ until the 2nd game which is qs year 1 vs qs year 2, another bunch of BASKETBALLS. all playing rough which made it another boring game, which wesha and eveline also agreed. i told them at the beginning of the game that referee's decision is finals and please learn to respect the referees, and if they think they can do a better job please come and prove it. and one of the little bastards who was a referee last year and a freaking rough player said that he could but he would rather play while calling me a a dumb ass. ugh! made me twitch abit but what the hell, i don't have time to give a FLYING CRAP about what everyone wants to call me. GAME ON!

until the second half most of the players were furious about each other playing rough, and one provoked the other for a fight~ baah childish noobs, can't they be like ma brother Aaron? he knows that he gets pissed off while playing basketball therefore he choose to quit the game before he actually ended in a fight. shyt wei thier 18 years old and some even 19 years old and they still going about this? my goodness~ we'll see how u'll last when u start work~ what goes around comes around u see~ what u reap is what u sow~
the worst thing was that the winning team was make a big fuss about some minor problem, btw the winning was the red team and their leader was that little bastard that made me twitched back then, he was freaking loud and annoying through the whole game. there was even a time that they simply switch players until there was 6 players in the court, and then they switch it became 4 and then suddenly 6. the referee blew the whistle and suddenly one of them burst into flame and started shouting! ugh~ our problem? it was their own PROBLEM!!! really basketballs!!! somemore want to shout my goodness MALU BETUL!!! lol~ but in the end they won and suddenly u see they were all so happy~ ugh~ stupid boring game with no sportsmanship at all~

anyway after the match, wesha, eveline and i agreed to go mcD for dinner~ so i gave them my car keys so that they can put their bags in my car and go print the mcD coupons while~ i, chanchai, raymond, kent, and roy BROKE INTO the swc room, i had to climb in from the window to unlock the door for them~ was damn fun wei~ though i'm not really that small anymore but i made it la~ :D after we went to mcD with wesha, eveline, roy , raymond and i~ had a fun dinner with them~ i was really hyper back then was simply making jokes out of almost everything, was glad that wesha and eveline were very sporting oso la :DDD though i kinda wished that she was here bah~ lolz~ as if i can do anything la~ hahaha~ time is always a factor!

after sending eveline home~ back infront of my computer haha~ i tried to chat with her on facebook, which turned out that i seriously blew it, she sounded serious about why i sounded surprised about almost everything she does and why do i take her macam a kiddo~ lol i wish i could tell her i was just teasing her only and i just wanted to drag the conversation abit and make it less boring rather than jus yes or no questions. bah~ i ended up telling her that i'm sorry i'm still in the process of trying to treat her normally which honestly i felt really fucked up after saying that =3= i seriously blew it again!!! her reply was "its okay~ lol" damn i seriously suck wei! everything has a price to pay! and after what i said just now the price was pretty i think! anyway i must not lose sight of who i am, and my duties and promises, those are the most important things in my life. my friend once asked me why was i so crazy about her? explain why i like her is like asking me to explain how water taste like.

anyway jian yi help me translate yesterday's message and it turns out to be sumthing like this~:

we are just normal friends thats all. anymore is impossible.
treat me normally is good enuf(?). Dont treat me specially, it is actually troublesome for me. I told u before on phone that we are better off as friends. anymore further than this is impossible. thats all.

hmm i guess i wasn't really that off with my translation oso bah~ but anyway i got the message and yes! i din't forget it, its still ringing in my head~ haha~ i was so tired i dint know should be happy or sad? i'm just glad i understand what it meant~ :DDD
anyway this week's gonna be every tiring for me bah~ i'll be putting my duty 1st rather than my love life, lol its not likes there gonna be alot happening with my love life oso~ haha~ anyway i find myself seriously starting to sound like the chairman for SOT sport carnival dy =3= bah bah~ btw i chat awhile with sam today she sound very stressed and fed up with somethings, cant help it i guess though i'm ready to help her if she ever needs my help la~ same goes to anyone of my friends~ hahaha~ okay tats all for today~ i just notice i've been blogging alot lately~ non-stop each day wei~ haha~ but this blog only all filled with my worries and trouble~ bah i'm just dropping them here so i can deal with more of the things to come later on~ anyway time is short already and and we don't have much time left, i'm praying hard that i'll make it!!


Sunday, July 17, 2011

17 July 2011 One of the best days? maybe not~

Today i had a blast with the TT humans at lot 10 shabu~
we met up in timesquare at about 3pm and when shopping and hang out abit~
of coz she was there la~ still abit cold but anyway i was just happy i was there.
we had dinner at shabu shabu in lot10, the food wasn't really that nice, lack of good sauce.
and i was lack of interaction with her *sobs*

anyway from where i was sitting, i was able to see most of the people la~ all of them was taking photos and most of the people were running from the right to the left and from the left to the right~ while the people on my table was just chilling and eating except for kent that little basket~
i dint really know the finalists neither did i really wanted to know them well so badly la~ just go with the flow only~ most of the time i find her missing in action and was isolating herself from the main group, honestly i really wanna know what's going on in that mind of her's, was it because i was hanging out with them? or another reason? anyway i think girl's also ask the same question sometimes bah? i just brushed it aside though but was keeping an eye on her. After the meal, took me quite sometime before i dared to ask her to take a picture with me, her smile melted my heart instantly! haha was really so happy nearly jump out from the window~ :DD

and after that we did a flashmob in front of the shop, and while walking to pavillion we came out wit ha plan that whenever we heard sumone said 小心! we would squat and put our hands behind our heads, though was worried that it may cause mass panic but thank god it end up that everything was okay~ another trip we played in pavillion, suddenly all of us were pointing an looking up at sum random position lol the by passers were also looking at that direction!!!
next 72 of us were walking in a straight line inside pavillion and we kept going in circles up and down of the escalators~ DAMN FUN! though i heard some old dood complaining to the security bumber~ anyway we escape the scene fast enough though :D and the final act was the same looking up at pavillion building but this time AH pheng was standing at the direction we pointed at, one European dood ask one of our finalist whether was that guy Justin bieber! my goodness best joke ever! mind you through all this she dint really join us, serious as usually huh? after that i part ways with the gang, and i send
xhirley home, she stays in selayang though~ cute girl with a very fragile voice =3=

And yes when i reached home~ was chating of facebook and looking for updates until! hor hor~ i saw that she posted:
君が翻訳するなら 聞いて 私達は普通の友達だけ 絶対それ以上​の関係は無理です だから 私のこと普通に対しても全然いいです​! 私は、君に特別にされたくない 実は迷惑です。 この前電話​で言ったはず 友達のまんまでいい それ以上は絶対無理 それだ​けb
i tried to translate it using google translator but as usual, it just giving me rubbish, so i tried to reading it phonetically, which turns out to be~
from i understand:

Mr.Translator, if you can hear, we are just normal friend and nothing more than that, and it is absolutely impossible that it can go above that level of relationship. So, i am completely against it. I, Mr. Special i dont want you, really annoying! In fact i've told you this on the phone before, we're just so-so friends only. more than that is absolutely impossible. that all.

hmmm how should i react to this? i'm seriously lost of direction after this~ it happened to be my best day and hmm~ i just posted in my status that i got the message loud and clear, and surprisingly she replied! coz i was worried about since its been quite awhile since i left i thought she went home oso so i just sms her la~ and it turns out that she when to the movies for harry potter 7~ anyway she posted in my wall asking me to treat her normally and just like a normal friend.
ugh i don't have such things as normal friends all my friends are special and not one i treat the same. anyway i told her she was thinking too much bah, ok mayb i was treating slightly different than a normal friend? since yesterday i bought things for her, i cant help it she's my crush =3= and yes idid told her i still dunno how to treat a rascal yet~ dunno whether she gets my point though. coz i like how the way things are going now in reality i don't want to ruined it again, though i recently was really trying to treat her normally but i just dint really take the chance to talk to her yet. *what i think and what i do is completely different stories, i can treat her like a normal friend but she is still the person i like in my heart* my friend once asked me why don't you just give up? I can't.. i just can't! anyway i don't really want to give it any thought coz i may had translated it wrongly also, PLUS i'm not good at short runs i am at my best when i'm going for a long run coz it shows my true colors. *the best things in life are worth waiting!* i also don't why just her presence make my heart pound, why just her smile melts my heart instantly. i wan an answer! anyway who cares~ my heart don't waver that easily de lor~ for know i only know is that what i need to do,and things will be alot different and painful from now on but i guessed i'm not called ernest chong without a reason. so its the best day or its the worst day? and i believe everything don't happen by chance! anyway i like how things are now if i put the post aside la~ so lets just leave everything in this blog. anyway that's what this blog is for though =3=


Saturday, July 16, 2011

16 July 2011 Unexpected!


the keychains i got from OO nite and the badges i bought, AH(always hungry) was for her though~

damn lot of things to write~
ok 1st of all i was suppose to be working today, BUT last minute it was cancelled and i had a very bad stomachache in the morning.
so i went to Urbanscapes with wesha, initially i thought we'll be going with the SSH gang(and if she happen to be going that would be a bonus i guess?) so i thought why not~? but in the end it was just wesha and I that went there in the morning, we met up with wendi and her sister plus 5 of her friends, though i wasn't expecting to see wendi there~ anyway they were supposed to setup a booth there la~
when we reached urbanscapes, wesha was complaining that it wasn't really happening there yet and both of us were very very hungry~ while scouting for food and was looking around with wesha somehow there was this 8tv quickie thing finding for a new host, and we saw wendi with her friend(they look very close so i'm guessing its her boi friend?) inside waiting to give it a shot, while i on the other hand was hesitating whether should i try it out or not? in the end i gave it a shot coz the number they gave me was 007 :DDD
it was then when they asked us to prepare for questions like why we think we should be the new host? and intro ourselves abit, suddenly wendi whispered to wesha asking me to tell that how much i like "her" during the interview, honestly i was stunned abit la~ guess there's no secret between her and her best friend huh? anyway i gave this a go coz i was reminded of wad lyn told me *do something u would never do!* and it turned out it was quite fun~ though yes i know i suck =3=

Was hanging out ,chatting, helping to sell the items in the booth while eating green tea popcorn!
though wesha and i was addicted to the popcorn at 1st but in the end we dint wanted anything to do with it anymore. Wesha told me that "she" was going also~ ugh my heart drop out for awhile, coz i thought she was going to bon odori~ i saw alot of things that i thought she would like, wanted to get it for her but i thought that ugh mayb not this time bah, since i'm still having trouble talking normally with her.
but in the end i bought a badge for her and a bag of macarons, coz i took wesha's advice and i thought mayb can give it a try bah~ but honestly i of thought buying her sumthing coz i knew she at first oso wanted to come to urbanscapes de but she just dint come~ anyway we were at urbanscapes from 12pm til 4pm, saw alot of things and learnt alot of things oso~ wasn't disappointed at all~

when we rushed back for OO, i asked wesha for help to give the things to "her" but i doubting whether my decision was right? coz if i dun have the guts to give it to her face to face den hmmm things aren't gonna go well. After slacking and playing awhile outside the college hall, she came! my heart drop out for awhile coz she look so cute~ :DD haha she was in a dress while wearing a red checks jacket~ and her hair was tied neatly~

after we entered the college hall, and i when searching for my bro, aaron and dorcas, when i came back to my seat raymond gave me the badge which wesha gav her, i was completely frozen back there, i knew that "yes ernest that choice back was not the right choice at all and u can forget about the macarons!" i was under the weather through out the whole event and to top it up with the not very impressive performance, though i kept shouting and scream when our TT members went on stage~ but honestly i was seriously fucked up inside until i really wanted to walk off half way trough the event. but in the end i stayed, and as soon as the event ended, i haven cam out with a solution yet and was really really panic-ing, but in the end when our eyes met she gave a smile and asked me was urbanscapes fun? MY GOODNESS INSTANTLY I WAS RELIEVED I NEARLY RAN A WHOLE LAP AROUND THE COLLEGE HALL. was damn freaking happy, though this time i tried to give her the badge but she insisted that i keep it, i just agreed coz i thought *there's finally some improvement! so don't rush! take it slowly bah! don't ruined it again!* honestly i was just happy it dint turn out the way i thought it would.

the whole gang of us TT people when for supper and yes she was there, at first i dint noe the way there so i asked her to company me, coz i thought mayb i can talk to her abit more? but she said she was following someone~ but HEY take it slow i told myself~ so i went with the flow~ while eating most of us were taking photos and i thought hey why not take this chance to take a photo with her? but then the thought came again take it slow? i was seriously too overjoyed dy~

mayb tomorrow i'll take a photo with her bah~? maybe?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

13th July 2011 Speechless

It’s been awhile since my last update

I was really caught up with assignments and stupid thoughts. Recently I saw her in swc room and in canteen 2 foyer, she looks very tired and stress up, guess I shouldn’t be bothering her bah, though I really want to ask her whether she is ok and does she needs a helping hand?

Ugh I had to chance to do so but somehow I hesitated cause I know I’ll cause more trouble and stress to her bah~

Today I almost had the chance to have dinner with her at McD but it dint happen haha~ my face problem bah~ I tried to walk her home but I was rejected immediately~ another face problem~ though I tailed until she reached home. Damn I am really starting to become a stalker pulak~ ugh I dun care bah at least she’s safe.. things wasn’t really resolved I guess the awkward feeling is still there, need to give it more time bah. Though I really regretted for telling her things too early, I could had dodged it by making it into a joke but until the end I thought I dint want to lie, mayb I was taking things too serious bah~ anyway what’s done is done, I’ll need to face the music now~ I asked her whether or not will she be going to bon odori this Saturday but she said mayb, though I thought that the answer was surely a yes, this was a common question in my head recently should I go to bon odori after the job or go to oo nite? I want to go bon odori caused she said she might be there and wearing a yukata ugh! Guys will always be guys bah~ forgive me haha :DD but I guess I’lll just go to OO nite bah, coz I won’t be able to make it bon odori after work if the shuttle is late, I guess I’ll just have to see the photos bah. Making this choice wasn’t easy nyeh~ haha~ recently I look through my photo collection I realized that hey there was one picture that I took with her ACCIDENTALLY cause both of us were in the back ground :D haha honestly I was kinda happy when I saw it, but I’m hoping I can actually take one with her INTENTIONALLY this Sunday if possible?

Somehow today was quite different that the usual day, had dinner with almost the whole SSH SWC members even though I missed the chance to dine with her but it’s alright, somehow there was a point where I was able to talk to her normally which actually MADE MY DAY even though she dint want me to walk her home but I thought its better than nothing huh? And because of the ssh swc members, i’m not feeling that under the weather though, cause those guys back there was about serious humor not matter how many times I dint felt like laughing they made me laughed. It’s been ages since I had such a laugh~ guess SSH people are easier to joke with bah not so serious~ haha~ today sam said that I’m more of a SSH person rather than a SOT person for the second time, honestly it really puzzled me whether DMH was really the course for me at times, but I keep on brushing things aside cause I need to see things through already though I guess hanging out with them wasn’t bad at all~ :D

Whenever I drink green tea it reminds me of her, but she doesn’t look like a green tea or neither does she smell like a green tea.. And whenever I see people wearing a UK flag design shirt and a superman design shirt reminds me of her.. shyt I’m seriously going overboard until I myself find myself scary, ugh! Guess it’s okay as long it remains hidden? She recently was really floating in my head almost the whole time. Though I keep telling myself to focus on my finals 1st bah~ these things can be sorted out later on. Somehow today I feel much lighter, guess I can’t let these things have the better part of me after all, I’m starting to hear the roar that used to fuel myself for going on~ haha~ I guess everything is coming back to me since everything is starting to make sense already~ anyway I just hope she is happy bah.. I mean if by being together with her will rob her of her smile then there’s just no point being with her, am I right? Even though I understand this but why I am still so crazy about her? I just don’t understand!! until one day I actually find the answer I hope she will be the 1st one to hear it. Which reminds me she doesn’t like cheesy messages LOL aku seriously failed~ anyway she used to say this to me “CHILL LA” kinda remind me of esther she used to tell me the same thing, am I really that serious? Ugh! Face problem bah Raymond answered me, I can’t deny it bah~ she hates gentlemen ugh ok? hahaha~ fuck it! ima gonna just be myself bah~ i've gotta to stop running bah~ hahaha~ i know there's a solution out there i'll look for it after my finals bah~

Anyway everything was thanks to Raymond tan that waited for me and was willing to help sending them to McD and sending them home~ man he really is one hell of a friend~ glad I met him~ he listen to my complains most of the time until sometimes I myself oso feel pai seh dy macam wasting his time. But his just Raymond bah~ friends like him is not easily found~ steady as always :D

Don’t worry brothers if you guys ever need my help I’ll be there as long as I’m still alive!!!

i read through this post once again i seriously see how stupid i am, and how scary i am starting to become from people's point of view. anyway this is just for myself to reflect upon. and learning to appreciate the little things.

Everything comes with a price!! anyway i'm gonna put everything inside this blog and forget about the rest bah~ i don't have time to be heart broken now, i have a aim to go to UK by next year!!! OSU!!!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

2nd July 2011 Shandy

it was on the 28th june, my beloved shandy passed away,
i thank her for her 11 years of service to my family,
she was more than juz a pet to me, she was a family member to me.
she was so small when she joined my family, my palm was able to hold her.
she have brought lots of happiness and laughter to my family.

on the 28th june 2011 morning, when i left the house she was at her usual position resting in her basket, looking at me when i walked out of the house and i gave her the usual pat on the head and i took off. i dint notice it was the last pat i was able to give her...
later that day, in the evening about 6pm my mum called me but i was having a test so i dint answer it, after the test when i said my goodbye with my friends, i called my mum and to my horror, shandy has left us..
I was lost, i dint noe what to do or what i could do, so many things happen all at once, 1st was about my love life den now my beloved shandy. for the rest of the day i wondered around as if i've lost almost everything i ever had, i had no direction and not a drop of my passion for things remained, food tasted like shit and everything was fading.

The minute i reach home, the house looks lifeless, no one came out to greet me like,
no one was next to the door sleeping, no one was calling out for me, no one was waiting at the door for me, no one was there... before this even if i reach home 1st, she was always there to greet me, waiting for me to open the door, calling for me, and even come out to check on me.
Even now, whenever i reach home 1st, i continue to see imagines of her usual positions.
inside the house she would rest under the staircase and snores, but all that is left now was her smell and tat was also slowly fading away.

i can still remember it was my job to bath almost every saturday, and because of my assignments and responsibility, i wasn't able to bath her for the last time. i usually take out for walks, to her favorite park near my house while i myself would be on the phone or juz gasping for fresh air. I wasn't able to bring her for a walk for the last time, there were times when i talk to her about the my trouble and ask her to help me make a choice usually she'll be just looking at me as thought everything was alright.

Even though we knew that her time was near, but her departure was just still too sudden for me. but at least we did not nid to make the decision to put her to sleep. but still its just so heartbreaking.. she that was always there for me suddenly gone...

on the 29th june 2011, i went to the vet where her body was, i went to see her for the last time,
i couldn't control after seeing her body lying there motionless, those eyes which were looking at me ever since 11 years ago, was closed shut, her body was cold and stiff..

Who can i talk to from now on? who would be the one that welcome me back home?
who would go for a walk with me in the park? i miss her so much... i wish i can talk to you now, there's just so many things happening now.

i keep telling myself not to cry over spill milk, but i keep thinking of her when i'm back at home,
i know it sounds stupid for a guy like me to be missing a dog, but i don't care what heartless people think of me.

the basket which she always sleeps in, its but an empty basket now...

she would always be waiting for us to return home no matte what time it was, even during raining days she would also rush out to greet us.

rest in peace shandy, your basket will always be ready for you, and there will always be a place for you in my heart.