21th June 2011 Running too fast

These few days, i was really under the weather.
whenever i think about her, whenever i see her fb profile,
i feels like its about to stop, am i that weak?
i just help see that i myself has started to become boring and she's not one bit interested in me dy.
she posted :

I thought we could; but in fact we can't; thanks so much for everything; we're better off close friend. :o

right after i send her home on saturday, my heart was completely crushed,
i tried to get it off my mind and to think that the possibility of her referring to another person,
but some how it dint connect.

Sunday i tried to get things of my mind, i tried to sleep it off dint work, i tried to play dota to clear my mind it dint work at all even though it was my 1st time being the top scorer, i tried to go jogging to clear my mind it work for awhile but i came back again, then i tried to sms her, to find her reply me at 11pm while i sms her about 8am, okay mayb she was busy~ but after she replied she posted:

takde initiative nak reply pun. next time dont ask why complaint. there's always reasons. its whether you understand ke tak. ugh, tido.

another death blow to my heart. I completely fell into despair until now i dun even dare to sms her dy, i saw her a few time in college though, but i dun dare to call out to her, she seems so far dy. i wonder was tis distance already here? or did it just gotten longer? some many thought were running through my mind that night i couldn't sleep until i had to use my mp3 to put me to sleep.

Yesterday night, i was really an my limit, having to work with and unable to communicate with her like we used to, really felt so painful. after i shared with raymond and kent, they pointed out to me that i was too careful and more space for trial and error should be allocated, and the main point is that i was running too fast, too hasty to see the outcome, mayb she was right lets start off as friends 1st. i wont give up just yet, i wan to give it my all so that even though i fail, i wont regret that i dint try my best rather i wasn't good enough for her.

Her smile that i really love cannot be compared to others.
u will always be in my heart even though i may not be given a space.
it's okay...