31st march 2010 Thoughts..

I was told not thinking so much..

This happen quite alot of times in the past.

alot of misunderstand was cause by my over use of thinking.

how do i actually don't care?

Why do i thinkk so much? is it because i'm scare of wad may happen?

Or am i juz scare of the word "possibility" ?

What is this "possibility" that i'm so scared of?

Possibility holds no limits tat wad i think,

as long as there is even 0.000000000001% that sumthing may occur,

Then it may happen.. tat is possibility..

.
.

Haven really been myself ever since tat happen.

Have i lost myself to the fear tat was consume myself?

How to do i find back my way?

How do i stand up again?

How do i fight for myself once more?

Have I died?

26th march 2010 Last day working at little inventor

The day right after the dinner wif the gang.
its my last day teaching in little inventor.
Was doin the normal work as usual.
In the morning i greet all the my children, somehow when the other teachers remind me tat it was my last, i dint feel anything at all~

Seeing my children and taching them knowing tatit will be the very last time i will be seeing them. everything was ok until the clock strikes 5 and i had to get back to the office to do sum office work. I was still carrying yee xuan when i had to put her down.
i suddenly felt tat i really wan to continue to work here.

And will much resistance i put her down and waving bye bye to her~
Her innocence and chubby smile was oso saying bye bye to me.

Slowly as the clock slowly moves to 6 i said goodbye to t.wong

and soon seeing off my children one by one~

I really wont forget this working exprience, as i really enjoy working here.
I thank god for giving me the chance to work here and meeting ppl of different faces.

my daughter shin jie xD

from the left yi xing, xin tong and shin jie

shin jie and yoon jae

from the left shin jie, xi wei and xue rou

My baby yee xuan~ xD

25th march 2010 Dinner at korean restoran

Its was the last week i was working in little inventor
oso the week right after the annual lunch.
While joking and fooling around in the office while oour boss wasn't around.
Suddenly evon suggested that we have our dinner at a korean restoran right after work.
Not a bad idea after all~ xD
At they thought was juz us but then i invited my nai ma~
Then slowly t.On, Sam and lastly Vivian.
We reach there around 8 though we said 7.30pm
Forgive us coz we're malaysians~
Yaya blame it on the society~ haha~ tat how we do things~

I left my house at around 7.30pm to fetch my nai ma,
while in the mean time sam was there waiting for us.
slowly we found our way to desa park city.
When we reach there sio and sam were waiting there.
the next person to arrive was evon and jennifer
and then t.On plus her bf ah kent.
Lastly was Vivian of coz she was last due to the short notice.
We ate and luagh til we were full. 1st after the meal we wanted to have a walk at the park but due to rain we found ourselves sitting in secret recipe chatting and eating cakes~
sorry dint take any picture there to as evidence~ xD
The one very person which we tried our best to drag along wasn't here was the one and onli Connie!! Always dodging the bullet~ no la i belive she has her reasons de~
We're teachers~ of coz we're understanding~ xD
Ish humble humble~

Had a wonderful dinner to find myself knowin more about each others life and forgetting my past slowly. Wad makes us so different? sumtimes this question bugs me alot.
To think of an answer to satisfy my own curiosity, mayb it was our belives which really build us up, mayb it was the different life style we're having?
Anyway if everyone was the same it won't be tat interesting~
All together there 9 of us there tat day~
An Awesome day~
all thanks and praises go to god~

WAds wrong wif my slippers? = =

Vivian said it spoiled my outfit

My nai ma(han han) was so hungry and wasn't able to control herself after seeing the spoon

so she is helping herself with the spoon~

Salad leaf to wrap the side dishes, Which i threw in almost everything in it


Salad leaf Fan!!!!

T.On and my nai ma~

Sam's evil grin of death~!!!

My nai ma looks satisfied after eating the spoon~ :P

A Group photo of the day~ though we're missing sumone~

haha~ Vivian was our camera woman of the day~

20th march 2010 little inventor annual lunch

It was the day which i was looking forward to the most

since its the 1st time i've been involved in a company annual lunch.

And i really thank god for using my boss to bless me to be able to join this annual lunch,

its was a very fun day~

.

.

.

Even though our initial plans dint went as we wanted but overall it was okay~
I woke up early in the morning to find myself sitting in front of the computer doin the usual saturday rountine, reading manga, checking out facebook, reading blogs etc.

I was still kinda trouble by the incident though after the lunch i fell so much more better and relieve~ thank god.

.

.

.

I was having a hard time pick my outfit since i dint have the right pants to go wif my shirt i ended up wearing my office pants to the gardens and later buying and wearing a new one on the

spot. the pants was kinda cheap though onli rm40 usually long pants would be around rm 80

Was a very enjoyable trip to the gardens and back from the gardens~

Since all the teachers were so fun to be around and friendly as ever~

I guess their dint juz get their title as a teacher overnight~

Patience and endurance tat the major key in being a teacher.

.

.

.

Juz a breif on wad happend when we reach the gardens.

When we reach we were kinda early so i quickly took the chance to buy my pants and changed into it, and right after tat we went to the meeting place which is red box.

Where our dress code for the annual lunch was red and black, the red box worker's dress code were oso the same. Therfore we thought we mayb mistaken as a worker there~

Well after we had found which is our room, to find tat almost everyone was waiting for us inside there. When we enter there were teachers from other centers helping themselves wif the karaoke machine and singing their hearts out, we too help ourselves with the machine we were able to sing around 5 or 6 songs onli, then the slogan competition began.

Well, when it started to find out tat the other centers were really well prepared

while all we had was juz the script which i wrote, wasn't anything to wow about it though. and we onli practise around 3 times onli due to our busy timetable at work, sounds kinda like we are giving an excuse la~ we kinda messed up our tempo during the competition.

But in the end we got 3rd place~ haha wow~ we dint expected tat~ thank god~

.

.

.

After the competition, the buffet started the food was "so so" onli nth to wow about

mayb the desserts was abit better compared to the rest.

Right after lunch the singing competition started~ our center went 1st

Our 2 teams were han han and connie were the 1st team.

the 2nd team was vivian, amutha and shalili.

Well during the performance of han han and connie sumhow i was involved in it too,

Onli as a spice to spice up the atmosphere.

Since vivian's team was our turmp card so when it was vivian's team turn, we the teacher from kepong made sure we cheer our hearts for them, Well their trump was the dance which expose t.vivian quite abit though but no harm i guess most of the teacher are female.

When the singing competition ended to find tat none of our kepong team won but i think we oso dint mind since it was fun juz cheering for them and everyone was happy~

.

.

.

At 1st we plan to go for 2nd round of karaoke after the annual lunch since most of us wasn't given a chance to sing, but then sumthing came up and we went to t.vivian's bak ku teh store right after the annual dinner. kinda full at tat time but i did make space~ xD

One of our teachers were missing tat time due to sum family problem dun nid to go into much detail about tat, after our meal we went to her house to pick her up to see for was she doing.

She looked quite ok tat time of coz strong will mah~ haha~

We wanted to take her to desa park city to walk around at 1st but then her bf came and took her away~ nth we can do ler~ haha~ At tat time there were onli hanhan, t.on and me onli.

The 1st time we did was rush to the toilet = =

Since all our tank full haha wad else?

After we walked around the park enjoying the wind and we sat on 3 stones while waiting for t.on bf to arrive~ after he arrive we walk around abit then we parted~

.

.

.

Overall it was a very enjoyable day~

I've got to see alot of types of faces today knowing tat these are the ppl i'm working wif,

and i've got to know alot of types of ppl.

Is this wad working life is like? Though i think there's pros and cons to these type of living.

i thank god for everything tat he had blessed me.

Me and Teacher choo choo!~

Connie and T.on

I like the expression on their faces xD

Me and teacher sam~
Hanhan Me and connie~ xD

My nai ma~

A group photo of little inventor kepong!!!

Happier than before

Its just so hard..

Mayb coz i'm not trying tat hard.

Of coz it would be easy for them since they had wad they all wanted.

So this is the taste of defeat..

It was much bitter than i thought.

It u had prepared both lanes at one go when u find the 1 lane is not interesting u can switch anytime.

Common sense~

The lane was rejected will be juz left there to rot and no more development until the next person to tat is interested in it comes. So how is it suppose to go on?

Hold on~ Plz Hold on~

It wont be long..

Fragment of Regret

On that day, we walked our separate ways
I wonder what kind of excuses should I come up with now
I sense weakness which could not be concealed every time I stumble blindly
Your existence on that day strangles this body

With my firm self, I swear to the future that I will believe in those strong eyes of yours
The skies I have traveled, they have a freedom which is similar to solitude.
I only don’t want to turn back

If you recall, we were very alike, right?
Whether it was our untruthful words or our retreating figures that pretended to be brave
I’m sure the circumstances are the same for the both of us. We had our mutual emotions too
I’m not strong enough to tell you about my feelings of insecurity

The dream I want to grasp,
I was always being buried by my own answers to my questions within the interval of wishes
If it is your present self, will I be reflected in your happy eyes?

There are things which will become tainted and time that flows on
But that’s right, because it’s definitely not a mistake …Yes, I’ll believe that

An eternal dream, if I keep on tracing the painted world,
I will find those times and your radiance there which existed without changing.
See, you will be rewarded everything
In the middle of a continuously bewildering journey,
I bore my wounds within the fragments of regret but
The answers I kept on searching for is here now, and I held onto your small hand…

Need to rest mayb?

Its getting tiring as days goes by.

How long will i continue to stand?

I'll found my break through today,

It wasn't much but its enuff.

I've tried my best to suppress myself til the very end.

Its not my limit yet i know it.

The problem is tat i dunno how to back off.

I'll back down now.

But i cant resist to see tat wad is she doin.

Even if she decide to tat, what can i do?
Can my question be answered?

The people around is also slowly chaging no more friendly

As days pass by the more hatred continue to grow.

How do i fight this battle?

Not just hatred is grow. Sorrow and despair is also getting equally strong.

Do i juz move aside and let things slide?
It does feel like myself by doing so..

I will eat up everything u all throw at me..

So relax~

I'll continue to slowly eat up all this crap tat i've caused

I'll end wad i've started.

Do wadever you wan to me i don't care at all!!!!

I'm no more a men pleaser.

But dun you dare condemn my love ones

Or i shall come after you.

Not threatening? Ya i know try me~

And i'll make sure we're see each other in jail

or mayb you wont see ur love ones anymore.

Thanks to all of these happening i've found hatred back in my heart again..

Why??? I'll have to remove it again, I've done it before i'll juz have to do it again.

Growth? I wish..

Grudge? I crush..

轨迹

怎么隐藏　我的悲伤　失去你的地方
你的发香　散得匆忙　我已经跟不上

闭上眼睛　还能看见　你离去的痕迹
在月光下　一直找寻　那想念的身影

如果说分手　是苦痛　的起点
那在终点之前　我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的　不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白

我会发着呆　然后忘记你　接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天　会有人代替　让我不再想念你
我会发着呆　然后微微笑　接着紧紧闭上眼
又想了一遍　你温柔的脸　在我忘记之前

心里的眼泪　模糊了视线　你已快看不见

Things as time goes by..

Its been kinda rough for me these few days
She is cold to me and colder as the days goes by.
What do i do? I know tat he like tat guy alot and the way she chose to end things was not as friendly as i thought.
She now enjoy her time wif him, and yes i'm juz a minor for now on.
Him? I dunno tat person, and i dunno wad is he able to do.
She inist tat we totally cut off, what do u think?
She claims by doin so she is helping me to overcome tis and to forget her.
Of coz for her to make such a stand onli shows tat how much she dislike to have anything to do wif me, and to claim tat she is helping me?
Sounds more like she's helping herself more.
Is there another way? I think yes but why this way?
Why does things have to become like this?
Does everyone end up the same?
Juz another reflection of myself.

Moving on~

Moving on~
Tomorrow is the day tat decides everything.
A life changing day.
Hope god will bless me wif good results~
The nest thing is to find collage to enroll into
And to get a place in the society.


The coming days is not going to be easy.
Preparing for the storm which is gonna be big.
Am i ready for it?


Have been really trying to clear my head these few days
Ever since i've finish wad i'm suppose to be doing
I thought tat clearing my mind should be easier.
yet it still contiune to haunt me..
i really nid strength as i'm weak
I nid strength to let go of everything...
To perform my last flight..

Random~ xD

Meeting someone else is the easy way out!
I knew what I would say before they even asked.
Do I look lovestruck enough?
I'm not gonna lose my cool, love's at stake!
Study! Study! Study! It keeps me up all night.
It'd be great if my dreams came ture
Because I don't care about anything else.
I'll be waiting for you!
I can hear your voice ffrom the are a ahead.
WHY!? I won't stop!
Yeah, that's me, the person you just passed by.
Are we still friends?
I flunked our friendship test, after all.
NO! I'll take it again! Again!
Come on, gimme another chance!
Something better awaits us in the future.

What i had been doing this few months

What have i been doin for these 2 months~
I've decided to work rather than staying at home doing nth
But i did had trouble diciding whether to work or not, but in the end i started work.
It began when i decided to work, and i thought of working a kindergarten.
Not bcoz of any reason particular, i juz think tat the timetable should be quite flexible rather than a waiter of promoter.

Ever since i started working, my time to take care of my private life had greatly reduced.
And i myself had been feeding myself wif negative thoughts of friends forgetting me and replacing me. Its a very selfish thought, i know. On the contrary i should accept things with a open mind. Since our skul life has pass i should not be holding on to the past. Imagining the worst is what i do best while finding a solution and to chill is wad i'm worst at.
It was actually a very small problem at 1st but then i made it bigger.
It was bcoz of my selfish thoughts and entertaining negative thoughts caused misunderstanding and fights between me and my friends. I've actuallly made this mistake once and yet i've done it again, i hope i will learn my lesson this time. Even if forgiveness is not given its understandable and i will accept it, since i deserve it. It all comes back to this can sins be forgiven?

Slowly seeing everyone around me slowly walking towards their on path is onli the natural thing to expect. People are slowly and surely changing, far or near, slowly or quickly, is bound to happen yet i ask myself when i my turn to take my 1st step? mayb i've taken juz tat is too small to be notice? or is it tat i took my step backward?
I like to hold on to the past and wish tat everything would stay the same, its impossible.
Everyone will change juz tat is whether is the change big or small, good or bad.
There is neither good or bad, but onli by thinking makes it so.
I juz hope i would change for the better and to grow up to have a much more mature mind.
I'm not good wif farewells, bcoz i know tat a farewell means we wont seeing each other much. but tats not the point at some time, it is i who refuse to let go of the past and i try to cause people around me to follow me, and this usually caused trouble to them.

Although my friends said tat i'm not beening replace.
But i cant stop thinking tat i'm bein replaced no as a other me
but as the same function. I know tat i myself is a nobody and to be replace is the natural
I've been replaced b4 and i dint liked it. Juz like a storyteller, a storyteller's story ends when no one wants to listen to his story or think tat his story is not interesting. for example a manga artist tat is draw for a stream mag, the performance of the artist is judged weekly by the readers and the results will determind whether his manga will contiune or not. If the manga artist does not perform accordingly his fans or readers will lose interest in his manga and look for another manga to read, its juz the same in this world. If you cannot keep up wif the rest u will be isolated and by passed, and soon you will be tomorrow's trash.
A friend scolded me once about me being a men pleaser.

he said: are you scared of being condemn by others?
i: ya
He: you cannot please everyone is this world even me
I:....
He: by the time u notice this means you had learned it the hard way, its no point bein a men pleaser the more u please the more is expected, and if u dun perform u will become trash, so i rather juz be who you are and not care about pleasing the people of the world.
I: but how do i do it? how do i juz be myself?
He: juz forget about the world, forget about everything.
I: how do i be myself?
He: Tat you will have find out yourself i cannot help u on this one.

I had always looked up to strong people and yet i juz look and nvr have i tried to change myself
and give up on the past bcoz i was holding onto the past very dearly.
Why? other reason is because i've always depended on others.
help myself? I'm trying to..
Once a wise man told me to be strong sumtimes it means to let go.
i hope i can become a much brighter person and a strong person and choose let go.
I've cause all of this chaos it was oso because of the jealousy and envy i had inside of me.
I'll try to give myself a chance to breathe and sumtime to rest..
This juz a reflection of myself, i hope i carry the will to change and to improve myself as a nobody. Bad habits will have to go, but the habits tat i welcome are they good?
I dunno, all i know is tat directions and advice had been given and a change is expected or i will be left behind again. But to be left behind may not be a bad idea on the other hand.
Juz another way to grow through the hard way.

For now, I contiune to work as a office boy and a teacher.
i enjoy working in this kindergarten even though its tiring but its a very good exprience for a person like me who is impatience.
The job offers a good environment, a very friendly and patience boss, good people to work around with, a good salary and most of all cute students~
My students sumtimes they have help me alot, even though they dunno it.
While teaching these students i've learn to look for a solution from a different view and to be abit more patience and understanding when it comes to children bcoz they dunno anything and i'm suppose to teach them.
While teaching these bunch of students they have help me to clear my mind at times and forget about my problems.
Sometimes i wonder who is teaching? and who is learning?
I really thank god for using this to help change to a better person

These children are oso my stress reliever~
Its not like i whack them to release my stress is juz tat they look so innocent,
so much so tat i juz drop all the things i'm thinking.
They smile wif a very innocent heart and pure heart,
sometimes i wonder whether i was like tat before?
Before i end this post i would like to introduce my cute students to you all...

Shin jie drinking her milk, she is very smart and very playful.

The korean boy Yoon Woo sleeping during class~ haha~

Shin jie again playing water this time.

From the left julia , Xue rou and Xi wei

All of them all very smart especially Xi wei and Xue rou

A group photo during chinese new year.

Yee Xuan~ the sweetest baby around~

She onli 3 years old

although most 3 years old noe how to talk

she too knows how to but she is very lazy.

but she is very cute as seen~

Yee xuan playing wif her bolster.

Yee Xuan drinking water

Yee Xuan and me~ xD