Friday, March 5, 2010

What i had been doing this few months

What have i been doin for these 2 months~
I've decided to work rather than staying at home doing nth
But i did had trouble diciding whether to work or not, but in the end i started work.
It began when i decided to work, and i thought of working a kindergarten.
Not bcoz of any reason particular, i juz think tat the timetable should be quite flexible rather than a waiter of promoter.

Ever since i started working, my time to take care of my private life had greatly reduced.
And i myself had been feeding myself wif negative thoughts of friends forgetting me and replacing me. Its a very selfish thought, i know. On the contrary i should accept things with a open mind. Since our skul life has pass i should not be holding on to the past. Imagining the worst is what i do best while finding a solution and to chill is wad i'm worst at.
It was actually a very small problem at 1st but then i made it bigger.
It was bcoz of my selfish thoughts and entertaining negative thoughts caused misunderstanding and fights between me and my friends. I've actuallly made this mistake once and yet i've done it again, i hope i will learn my lesson this time. Even if forgiveness is not given its understandable and i will accept it, since i deserve it. It all comes back to this can sins be forgiven?

Slowly seeing everyone around me slowly walking towards their on path is onli the natural thing to expect. People are slowly and surely changing, far or near, slowly or quickly, is bound to happen yet i ask myself when i my turn to take my 1st step? mayb i've taken juz tat is too small to be notice? or is it tat i took my step backward?
I like to hold on to the past and wish tat everything would stay the same, its impossible.
Everyone will change juz tat is whether is the change big or small, good or bad.
There is neither good or bad, but onli by thinking makes it so.
I juz hope i would change for the better and to grow up to have a much more mature mind.
I'm not good wif farewells, bcoz i know tat a farewell means we wont seeing each other much. but tats not the point at some time, it is i who refuse to let go of the past and i try to cause people around me to follow me, and this usually caused trouble to them.

Although my friends said tat i'm not beening replace.
But i cant stop thinking tat i'm bein replaced no as a other me
but as the same function. I know tat i myself is a nobody and to be replace is the natural
I've been replaced b4 and i dint liked it. Juz like a storyteller, a storyteller's story ends when no one wants to listen to his story or think tat his story is not interesting. for example a manga artist tat is draw for a stream mag, the performance of the artist is judged weekly by the readers and the results will determind whether his manga will contiune or not. If the manga artist does not perform accordingly his fans or readers will lose interest in his manga and look for another manga to read, its juz the same in this world. If you cannot keep up wif the rest u will be isolated and by passed, and soon you will be tomorrow's trash.
A friend scolded me once about me being a men pleaser.

he said: are you scared of being condemn by others?
i: ya
He: you cannot please everyone is this world even me
He: by the time u notice this means you had learned it the hard way, its no point bein a men pleaser the more u please the more is expected, and if u dun perform u will become trash, so i rather juz be who you are and not care about pleasing the people of the world.
I: but how do i do it? how do i juz be myself?
He: juz forget about the world, forget about everything.
I: how do i be myself?
He: Tat you will have find out yourself i cannot help u on this one.

I had always looked up to strong people and yet i juz look and nvr have i tried to change myself
and give up on the past bcoz i was holding onto the past very dearly.
Why? other reason is because i've always depended on others.
help myself? I'm trying to..
Once a wise man told me to be strong sumtimes it means to let go.
i hope i can become a much brighter person and a strong person and choose let go.
I've cause all of this chaos it was oso because of the jealousy and envy i had inside of me.
I'll try to give myself a chance to breathe and sumtime to rest..
This juz a reflection of myself, i hope i carry the will to change and to improve myself as a nobody. Bad habits will have to go, but the habits tat i welcome are they good?
I dunno, all i know is tat directions and advice had been given and a change is expected or i will be left behind again. But to be left behind may not be a bad idea on the other hand.
Juz another way to grow through the hard way.

For now, I contiune to work as a office boy and a teacher.
i enjoy working in this kindergarten even though its tiring but its a very good exprience for a person like me who is impatience.
The job offers a good environment, a very friendly and patience boss, good people to work around with, a good salary and most of all cute students~
My students sumtimes they have help me alot, even though they dunno it.
While teaching these students i've learn to look for a solution from a different view and to be abit more patience and understanding when it comes to children bcoz they dunno anything and i'm suppose to teach them.
While teaching these bunch of students they have help me to clear my mind at times and forget about my problems.
Sometimes i wonder who is teaching? and who is learning?
I really thank god for using this to help change to a better person

These children are oso my stress reliever~
Its not like i whack them to release my stress is juz tat they look so innocent,
so much so tat i juz drop all the things i'm thinking.
They smile wif a very innocent heart and pure heart,
sometimes i wonder whether i was like tat before?
Before i end this post i would like to introduce my cute students to you all...

Shin jie drinking her milk, she is very smart and very playful.

The korean boy Yoon Woo sleeping during class~ haha~

Shin jie again playing water this time.
From the left julia , Xue rou and Xi wei
All of them all very smart especially Xi wei and Xue rou
A group photo during chinese new year.
Yee Xuan~ the sweetest baby around~
She onli 3 years old
although most 3 years old noe how to talk
she too knows how to but she is very lazy.
but she is very cute as seen~
Yee xuan playing wif her bolster.
Yee Xuan drinking water

Yee Xuan and me~ xD


Man Ching said...

the smart and cute gal is yeexuan a?

Ernest said...

ermm~ no is xue rou and xi wei~