13th July 2011 Speechless

It’s been awhile since my last update

I was really caught up with assignments and stupid thoughts. Recently I saw her in swc room and in canteen 2 foyer, she looks very tired and stress up, guess I shouldn’t be bothering her bah, though I really want to ask her whether she is ok and does she needs a helping hand?

Ugh I had to chance to do so but somehow I hesitated cause I know I’ll cause more trouble and stress to her bah~

Today I almost had the chance to have dinner with her at McD but it dint happen haha~ my face problem bah~ I tried to walk her home but I was rejected immediately~ another face problem~ though I tailed until she reached home. Damn I am really starting to become a stalker pulak~ ugh I dun care bah at least she’s safe.. things wasn’t really resolved I guess the awkward feeling is still there, need to give it more time bah. Though I really regretted for telling her things too early, I could had dodged it by making it into a joke but until the end I thought I dint want to lie, mayb I was taking things too serious bah~ anyway what’s done is done, I’ll need to face the music now~ I asked her whether or not will she be going to bon odori this Saturday but she said mayb, though I thought that the answer was surely a yes, this was a common question in my head recently should I go to bon odori after the job or go to oo nite? I want to go bon odori caused she said she might be there and wearing a yukata ugh! Guys will always be guys bah~ forgive me haha :DD but I guess I’lll just go to OO nite bah, coz I won’t be able to make it bon odori after work if the shuttle is late, I guess I’ll just have to see the photos bah. Making this choice wasn’t easy nyeh~ haha~ recently I look through my photo collection I realized that hey there was one picture that I took with her ACCIDENTALLY cause both of us were in the back ground :D haha honestly I was kinda happy when I saw it, but I’m hoping I can actually take one with her INTENTIONALLY this Sunday if possible?

Somehow today was quite different that the usual day, had dinner with almost the whole SSH SWC members even though I missed the chance to dine with her but it’s alright, somehow there was a point where I was able to talk to her normally which actually MADE MY DAY even though she dint want me to walk her home but I thought its better than nothing huh? And because of the ssh swc members, i’m not feeling that under the weather though, cause those guys back there was about serious humor not matter how many times I dint felt like laughing they made me laughed. It’s been ages since I had such a laugh~ guess SSH people are easier to joke with bah not so serious~ haha~ today sam said that I’m more of a SSH person rather than a SOT person for the second time, honestly it really puzzled me whether DMH was really the course for me at times, but I keep on brushing things aside cause I need to see things through already though I guess hanging out with them wasn’t bad at all~ :D

Whenever I drink green tea it reminds me of her, but she doesn’t look like a green tea or neither does she smell like a green tea.. And whenever I see people wearing a UK flag design shirt and a superman design shirt reminds me of her.. shyt I’m seriously going overboard until I myself find myself scary, ugh! Guess it’s okay as long it remains hidden? She recently was really floating in my head almost the whole time. Though I keep telling myself to focus on my finals 1^st bah~ these things can be sorted out later on. Somehow today I feel much lighter, guess I can’t let these things have the better part of me after all, I’m starting to hear the roar that used to fuel myself for going on~ haha~ I guess everything is coming back to me since everything is starting to make sense already~ anyway I just hope she is happy bah.. I mean if by being together with her will rob her of her smile then there’s just no point being with her, am I right? Even though I understand this but why I am still so crazy about her? I just don’t understand!! until one day I actually find the answer I hope she will be the 1^st one to hear it. Which reminds me she doesn’t like cheesy messages LOL aku seriously failed~ anyway she used to say this to me “CHILL LA” kinda remind me of esther she used to tell me the same thing, am I really that serious? Ugh! Face problem bah Raymond answered me, I can’t deny it bah~ she hates gentlemen ugh ok? hahaha~ fuck it! ima gonna just be myself bah~ i've gotta to stop running bah~ hahaha~ i know there's a solution out there i'll look for it after my finals bah~

Anyway everything was thanks to Raymond tan that waited for me and was willing to help sending them to McD and sending them home~ man he really is one hell of a friend~ glad I met him~ he listen to my complains most of the time until sometimes I myself oso feel pai seh dy macam wasting his time. But his just Raymond bah~ friends like him is not easily found~ steady as always :D

Don’t worry brothers if you guys ever need my help I’ll be there as long as I’m still alive!!!

i read through this post once again i seriously see how stupid i am, and how scary i am starting to become from people's point of view. anyway this is just for myself to reflect upon. and learning to appreciate the little things.

Everything comes with a price!! anyway i'm gonna put everything inside this blog and forget about the rest bah~ i don't have time to be heart broken now, i have a aim to go to UK by next year!!! OSU!!!