Thursday, July 28, 2011

29 July 2011 accepting the fact

its been awhile after the SOT sport carnival, but then i'm still lacking rest partially is because of my coming finals which starts at 17th august~!!! and i've been helping out elaine and her crew with some video shooting~ its fun though but its oso no walk in the park..

recently i've see her a few times in an event organized by the advance diploma, and everytime i see her i never failed to escape the scene within seconds... bah thats the only thing that came into my mind, i dint wan to cause trouble anymore bah. dunno la i somehow i feel that if i'm there it'll just cause her a change of mood bah. i'm juz guessing la anyway i dint wanna take the risk bah. another reason was because of the finals bah~

anyway i've been giving it some thought about what she said, she said something like :"liking sumone doesn't mean you have to be lovers, sometimes you just have to be friends." hmm gave it sum thought and yes i agree and i'll accept it bah~ like what my auntie gracy told me~ " Don't worry! if its suppose to happen somehow something will happened for it to happen!" bah i've finally come in to agreement to it bah~

wednesday i had a flash mob and honestly i was abit shocked to find that she was there to watch.. i thought she had class though, i wanted to run but unfortunately its not possible that time, but after thinking abit i asked myself this question why cant she be here? its her freedom la~ haha~ stupid me getting worked up over things like this. by the time it started, I messed up 99, coz i was really shaking and she was just standing right in front of me =3= sometimes i find myself really pathetic, i'm not afraid of most of the things but yet something like this cause me to shake WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! bah i quickly escape the scene after everything was over... but at night on facebook we had a discussion which sounded more like a debate, somehow i dunno why when i'm serious about doing something i really don't care who you are dy, and i was able to put everything aside.

yesterday, i had a meeting with sam at 11am, to discuss about the thriller night's stuff, to find out that seriously most of the SSSH members doesn't want us SOT members to be involved.. its sad to hear but sadly its the truth, after pondering awhile i guess i can understand how they feel bah. coz us SOT SWC don't have much members and most of them put their studies 1st and are not willing to take risks. its sad seriously... alot of the SOT students can really sumone die in front of them and yet just look rather than helping others. If possible i wanna change this! bah what can sumone like me do? as usual sam was very sociable, she did ask me about "her" stuff and how we were doing, bah.. i oso dunno how to answer everything is falling apart. And she ask me about my relationship with chanchai and other sot members, some how i felt like she was giving me some points rather than just asking about them. THX SAM haha~ 1st thing she pointed out was that i'm abit to sensitive? which yes i agree to that its been a serious problem ever since young. And sam was telling how much she love wesha and "her"~ i agree~ both of them are so helpful and loveable especially her :D haha~

later that day, went i went into SWC room to slack before our handball game, by the time i enter the room *BOOM* she was there. i was shocked for awhile though, coz usually she's not there during that time de. And somehow she was asking chanchai a few questions about the thriller night, somehow i dint know why i chipped in, and was answering her question unconsciously. until when she looked me in the eye, i woke up for awhile. but i was glad at least i was talking to her normally for that awhile.. haha~

i hope i'll be able to change this b4 i reach the age of 30. it'll be a rather serious problem if it happen like that. anyway after the discussion i had with her online, i noticed that we're not that different at all? coz during the event we met a few times even though i escape the scene but means that mayb we were looking that the same thing? or interested in the same things? hahaha~ anyway if she's only willing to like sumone then i think i can accept that i'll be liking her from here bah~ today i'll having a handball tournament, hope i'll be able to score a goal! bah~
i 've noticed she's very tried from her shooting session, i understand how tired it is because i've been helping elaine in her shooting session also. take care bah~ i really feel like cheering her a bit, bah~ finals are coming~!!! JIA YOU!!! oh yea recently this thought was floating in my mind it goes like this: ATTENTION TO THOSE PERFECTIONIST~ GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!! THE PERFECT YOU ARE SEEKING DOESN'T EXIST FOR YOU TO ACCOMPLISH!!!

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